Update on husband engaging in online grooming

[StillWaitingForMotherhood]

Hello everyone.

He has been arrested, he has been in a police cell since yesterday and the police have both his computers, his phone, camera, iPad, everything.

I am truly ashamed of myself and those of you who are furious with me and sickened by my original post are absolutely justified. Having read it back this morning I am genuinely appalled at myself.

I would just like to ask that you please try and understand that I was in utter, utter shock when I wrote it. You always imagine that you know how you would behave in a given situation, but when overnight your world changes and everything you thought you knew comes crashing down around your ears, I guess it makes you do and think strange things.

I would also like to clarify that when I referred to pubescent girls and their curves, I was attempting to articulate (very badly) that these were pictures that the girls were posting of themselves, not pictures that others had made them pose for. The way I phrased this was absolutely inappropriate and offensive and I am very, very sorry for this. All of the girls in the pictures, pubescent or pre-pubescent regardless, are CHILDREN, I would never look at it any other way and it is sickening.

I am not a troll, I am a real person who this time two days ago had a (as far as I was concerned) troubled but basically normal marriage with a troubled but basically normal man.

Anyway I have read every single one of your posts this morning and felt you deserved an update and some reassurance that this man is no longer free to talk to children.

Thank you.

[SunshineBossaNova]

OP well done. Huge hugs to you, I hope you have lots of support.

[DuchessFanny]

Well done ! Actually feeling a bit weepy and very proud of you OP !
Obviously a hideous situation to be in, but you have done the right thing. I said it on your last thread, but again, you certainly have my support and hand holding for what is a really difficult time. We're all here, I'm hoping that helps in some way.

[VoiceOfRaisin]

I meant to say, on a practical level, that when I had a close relative in prison on remand (before conviction), the state picked up the tab for the large mortgage for all that time (over 12 months) as there is an "innocent until proven guilty" doctrine and it wasn't their choice not to be able to go to work to earn money. So perhaps you need to look into that. I don't think they had to repay it, even after conviction.

[DuchessFanny]

And i'masurvivortoo so sorry to hear your story too !

[Pan]

Well that's something you don't read enough of walter...
Trouble is tho' from what you've written OP there doesn't seem enough to actually charge. IF this is the case (CPS will decide later) you'd be more vulnerable to his 'defences' - 'well it wasn't enough for a charge - I was only messing around for a bit of company' - kind of stuff. Just don't let any of it wash.

[insancerre]

thank you
from the mothers of all the teeange girls out there who need someone like the op to report situations like this
you truly have done the right thing and I am truly thankful that you have reported him, even though it has torn your live apart
you are a remarkable person
keep strong

[unobtanium]

Hi OP, you really don't need to apologise, you have been put in a terrible situation you could never possibly have seen coming, and you acted extremely bravely.

So, so sorry and sending you supportive hugs

[pianodoodle]

What a horrible shock for you but we'll done for acting fast.

I hope you have lots of rl support x

[Slainte]

I completely agree with what KatieScarlett said Well done. You did a brave thing despite horrific cost to yourself. I have the greatest of respect for you.

[Honeymoonmummy]

Hi OP, I read the original thread but didn't comment as had nothing to add. I really feel for you, you must feel horrendous. Do you have anyone with you, have you told any family/friends? x

[KittyVonCatsworth]

You've done the right thing and I truly hope you get some peace from doing that. You're incredibly brave and strong - no flaming from me for words written in shock. I hope you have a good support network IRL, but MN is always here. Be kind to yourself, it's going to be a bit of a rough ride, but you can do this; were all behind you. Take care my lovely xxx

[LozzaCro]

I just wanted to say I think what you have done is extremely brave. I grew up in a not very nice situation whereby my father was doing similar things - and I cannot tell you how glad I am that someone who could potentially become a real risk (I say this in hope that it has not gotten past comments on photos) has been detained and can be sentenced.
I wish you all the love, luck and hope I can. Telling family and friends is going to be hard, but I can honestly say most were massively supportive to my mum and helped her to become the strong and loving woman she is today.

[trixymalixy]

You did the right thing. It must have been terribly hard for you.

[AKVS]

It was the right thing to do.
I know u r hurting but u will get through this.
Be kind to yourself and get plenty support.

xxxxxxxx

[MrsMinkBernardLundy]

OP please don't be hard on yourself. you have done a brave thing and thank goodness your worries lead you to check his social media.
And I am glad you were brave enough to post and then to take the advice you were given.
You have done a good thing.
The next few months will be tough so hold on to that. you have done a good thing. you have had a lucky escape.

[Loobylou123]

You've done a brave thing and the right thing. I read your original thread. It doesn't matter that you were unsure what to do initially. You were shocked and needed a moment to wrap your head around the situation. As you say, he was (so you thought) a normal husband up to that point. You did do the right thing and that is what matters now.
Hope you can move on and be happy

[Mixxy]

You very much did the right thing.

I know you're still in a tizzy but have you thought about steps to protect yourself and get a divorce going. I'm assuming DH will know it is you who shopped him.

Stay safe and well done.

[Darkesteyes]

Youve been very brave and done the right thing You were in shock yesterday as anyone would be Well done

[MushroomSoup]

Thank you. I'm a teacher, and a mother of three daughters. Thank you for all of our children you've protected.

[OctopusPete8]

Well done for acting so fast, must have been a horrendous trauma for you.
keep strong.

[lucidlady]

I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this horrendous situation but you have dealt with it amazingly. Be kind to yourself, you've had a horrible shock.

[MrsFrederickWentworth]

Op,

Another mother to say well done.

Now you must cherish and protect yourself to remains strong while the system grinds on and you face the awful complexities and emotions.

Another person to say get some support in place. Some people may be v challenging and you will need good friends and relatives around.

[ThatVikRinA22]

I would not allow him to use your address as a bail address either. it will be CID who investigate this - every inch of his phone, computers etc will be combed over.
i would say a charge is likely given the current climate involving sexual exploitation of children.
OP you need to protect yourself now - get as far removed from this individual as you possibly can. I feel desperately sad for you and how you found out - but the genie cant be put back in the bottle and you are married to a man who sexualises and talks to very young girls on line. he is a risk to children. I did a course in this as part of my job - the fact he has gotten over the inhibiters that would stop most people engaging in this behaviour is a very bad sign. Also the fact that he cannot have a normal sexual relationship with an adult woman - the writing is on the wall - he is likely to go on the sex offenders register. I see photos of these men every day i work.
protect yourself. distance yourself. harden yourself and get rid. He is a risk - a very real risk - to children.

[Shaky]

Well done OP, you have been very,very brave.

Vicar knows what she is talking about.

[WeAreSeven]

Oh, love, I knew you were in shock when I read your posts. But you have acted very quickly and bravely and probably saved some young girls from an awful experience that would have coloured their whole lives. Well done!