Update on husband engaging in online grooming

[StillWaitingForMotherhood]

Hello everyone.

He has been arrested, he has been in a police cell since yesterday and the police have both his computers, his phone, camera, iPad, everything.

I am truly ashamed of myself and those of you who are furious with me and sickened by my original post are absolutely justified. Having read it back this morning I am genuinely appalled at myself.

I would just like to ask that you please try and understand that I was in utter, utter shock when I wrote it. You always imagine that you know how you would behave in a given situation, but when overnight your world changes and everything you thought you knew comes crashing down around your ears, I guess it makes you do and think strange things.

I would also like to clarify that when I referred to pubescent girls and their curves, I was attempting to articulate (very badly) that these were pictures that the girls were posting of themselves, not pictures that others had made them pose for. The way I phrased this was absolutely inappropriate and offensive and I am very, very sorry for this. All of the girls in the pictures, pubescent or pre-pubescent regardless, are CHILDREN, I would never look at it any other way and it is sickening.

I am not a troll, I am a real person who this time two days ago had a (as far as I was concerned) troubled but basically normal marriage with a troubled but basically normal man.

Anyway I have read every single one of your posts this morning and felt you deserved an update and some reassurance that this man is no longer free to talk to children.

Thank you.

[WayHarshTai]

That's exactly why most of us reported it, I woudl imagine.

In fact, everything Rooners said.

[BitBewildered]

Well done. Thank you.

[LoisPuddingLane]

Well done. It's made me feel rather weepy actually. I really hope you have someone there with you today.

[RoastedCouchPotatoes]

Well done OP, I hope you have some good and ongoing support from people who you trust.

[ohmeohmyforgotlogin]

Don't be harsh on yourself. You did the right thing in very difficult circumstances at great personal cost to yourself. Find a friend to be with you and good luck for a happier future for you.

[something2say]

Yes ok....I want to say that it takes time for these things to sink in, and you got to that stage very quickly. Your opening post today talks about how you ought to be ashamed, but I don't think you do. He does.

What is your next step to be?

[ageofgrandillusion]

All for reporting wayharsh - enough reports and MNHQ will quickly act, obviously. Passing comments about a thread's authenticty, however, smacks of kicking a man - or woman in this case - when they are down, especially when such thread turns out to be subsequently true.

[Justshabbynochic]

Well done, OP!

[Seenenoughtoknow]

Well done OP. Don't beat yourself up about your original post - you were in shock and that must have been horrible. You have done the right thing and should be proud of yourself.

[piratecat]

op,thankyou for doing what you have done.

[SisterMatic]

Well done for contacting the police

[CakeExpectations]

Please don't feel you have to apologise to anyone; you haven't done anything wrong. I admire your courage and hope that you feel you can come here for support whenever you need it.

Really hoping you have some RL support in the weeks to come. I'm in Devon. PM me if you're based down this way and need anything.

[ShipwreckedAndComatose]

I think that's the bravest post I have ever read here on Mumsnet.

You have my fullest sympathy for all you are going through and my total respect.

Thank you.

[WAWD]

Well done. I read your first post as from someone in shock - bewildered and devastated. You have been incredibly brave. Hope you are able to get some RL support

[BettyBotter]

You've been in my thoughts a lot as you've gone through very much the same as a friend of mine. The only difference was that her h of many years was also a teacher and father and he 'got caught' filming children at school so it wasn't her who reported him. He is now in prison.

Her shock and disbelief were total. She could not believe that the man who loved her and their kids and acted as a respected pillar of the community etc etc was really this same person doing these things. She struggled to try and 'explain' his crimes as mistakes. The whole structure of their lives turned out to be lies.

She felt so ashamed that for a while she hid from public, didn't go out and changed her name. But she has managed to rebuild her life. It wasn't her who committed his crimes. She was his vicitm too as were his children. She's fine now.

You have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Nobody who has married in love should or could believe this of their partner at first. But you acted straight away and did the right and most difficult thing anyone could ever do.

You will be fine too.

[hellymelly]

I agree you have been really brave, tough and clear in your desire to do the right thing. All traits which will stand you in good stead when you do have a family with someone new. I feel dreadfully sorry for you, the shock must be huge , not unlike a death, and so (as I posted on your other thread) please be kind to yourself and get as much support as possible. You could not have known this man's secret life, and you have acted in completely the right way once you found out. I feel very sad for his family too. You will get through this.

[hellymelly]

Oh, and as the mother of two small daughters (6 and 8) I thank you, for helping to keep girls safe from this man.

[Gullygirl]

May I say that you have been incredibly brave in taking the actions you have.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Feel proud of what you have done.You have protected a lot of children by reporting your H.
I can only imagine the shock you must feel at the moment,I urge you to seek RL support for yourself.

I send you thanks and support.

[LegoAcupuncture]

Well done op for doing the right thing, as hard as it must have been for you. Hope you have some RL support from friends/family.

[theboutiquemummy]

Well done doing the right thing is never an easy decision

We are here for you if you need support

Good Luck

[Justshabbynochic]

I reported as well and waited for MNHQ to clarify. I'm sorry OP but I think I learned a huge lesson in realising that these things CAN happen in real life. You are very brave, indeed. I hope you can go on to meet someone you deserve.

[lunar1]

I didn't read the other thread but well
Done for reporting him. You have done the right thing.

[grumpalumpgrumped]

I also read your opening post on your other thread as someone in absolute shock trying to make sense of the unthinkable.

Well done for taking action. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

[imasurvivortoo]

Hi there OP
I just wanted to say that i know exactly what you are going thru as the same thing happened me 17 months ago. I had been with dh for 16 yrs with 2 dc. One day the police turned up at my door & my world fell apart. He had been grooming online for YEARS. I knew nothing about it. To cut a long story short, i left him (now divorced), we had to move house (the shame of his crimes meant i couldn't carry on living where we were) & kids were traumatized by sudden loss of their dad. Fast forward to today & i have rebuilt. It has been bloody hard & i get so lonely at times. I have had counselling & am about to start a new career. You WILL get thru this - take it hour by hour, tell trusted friends and family & DO NOT accept any of his excuses (for he will try to excuse & talk you around). I wish the all the luck in the world. You are not alone. Hugs to you xxx