AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

[RogueRebel]

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

I'd text her whilst she's away and just explain, unfortunately no, she cannot move in with you. Remember no is a complete sentence and then she has a few days to consider what she's going to do.

Good luck op.

All power to you Rogue stick to your guns, it's best for you and your DC. She's no friend to you.

Good for you RR

I'd text/email her, I agree. Don't give her the opportunity to try to talk you around.

My friend is in a similar situation and he's let a 'friend' move in. Rent is due today and I'm scared to ask him if it's been paid as I previously said I'd be 'very angry' if it wasn't (as a last resort to try and get him to listen to me!) and now I feel a bit shit that I've alienated him

Good to hear you've realised it would be madness to let her in.

Be aware that she'll try to manipulate you into changing your mind and then get nasty, be prepared for some FB bitching from her.

She sounds like a shit friend, you'll be better off without her anyway.

Good luck and stay calm and strong.

She had a few offers via facebook of spare rooms but she made the comment I've mentioned that made it sound like she was doing me a favor.

She hasn't spoken to me since she was rude about it on the phone.
I will wait till she sees fit to contact me before I tell her anything.
And I will do it over the phone she has 3 sets of grandparents and parents who can help her and if push comes to shove she can sleep in the employee accommodation at work which is abit like student rooms, shes stayed there before when it was snowing and she didn't want to drive so I know that won't be a problem.

The more I think about the way she has been the angrier I get with myself for letting it happen, I managed to stick up to my ex so this should be easier and I know I can do it.

Well done. Just hold that thought.

She has plenty of options then; no need for you to help her out at all. Don't be angry with yourself - keep your annoyance for her.

Good! You are making the right choice.

Just remember you are not obligated to justify yourself to her. You are in control of who you allow in your own home and don't have to offer any reasons for saying no beyond "it's inconvenient."

I've found that ('It's not convenient' - repeated) so useful. If you give specific reasons, people try to whittle at them which prolongs a situation. Just repeating the mantra again and again works so much better.

Good decision, RR!
I also believe that you do not need to offer reasoning dissertations for her acceptance of your decision...whether she accepts your reasoning or not, she is still not moving in.

It doesn't sound like she would be happy in a "G" rated household anyway... ;)

Anniegetyourgun, you taught me a couple of things with your brilliant analysis of the manipulative "favor" of "use my stuff-it's better than yours" (a put down in itself). Thanks.

well done OP so pleased for you :) stay strong!!!

Hope you come back with an update, OP, with how you get on with it all.

You're welcome, AndTheBandPlayedOn - is someone trying that dodgy deal on you, then?

No, Annie, I recognized it from the past when I lived with a another woman. We moved in at the same time so it wasn't a question of her place or my place. I supplied a complete set of flatware and she made a big deal of adding one serving spoon and the little voice in the back of my head thought it odd and to look out whenever it was time to move out. Sure enough she made a claim, but as I was moving out upon marriage I was feeling generous and made a point to say it is mine but you can have it, same with a couple of other small items. But the scale of ref. or washer/dryer as a manipulation/control tactic to have license to be disrespectful, I had not thought of or heard of that scheme before. Did you have a bad experience along those lines?

(Sorry to hijack)
Yes, RR, please come back and let us know whether or not your "friend" will maintain a connection with you after you have set this boundary.

Christ, what a relief to know you're putting your DCs first. She would have agreed to your conditions and then taken the piss,

Hurah - glad you made the right decision RR :) And as one mad cat lady to another - thank you so much for taking an oldie in and giving him a wonderful, loving home for his final years

I had a txt message from "friend" last night first contact after she was rue on the phone, some random comment about one of her other friend, that person has made comments about me to "friend" which can only be from what she's said as I've never met her. usually insinuating that i don't feed friend when she has stayed over in the past - which I pulled friend up on because I usually end up spending more money on food when she's here because she always eats takeaway!

I ignored her because I'm really annoyed about this friends comments, because they could only fruit from what "friend" has told her about me.

I've just got a creepy txt from her being really overly nice asking about my grandad, and hoping the other family members arrive back safe.

which isn't like her at all normally when I try to talk about my life she talks over me and makes it into a competition about who's had life harder.

I'm ignoring that one aswel at the moment.
but will be back regularly with updates on what she says.

and on the white goods point she's got a cheek because my washing machine and dryer are under 2years old, my mum bought me one and the other I'm paying for weekly the fridge and freezer however are second hand but they do the job.

When are you going to tell her she's not moving in?

when she gets back from her weekend away I don't want to tell her while shes with a group of friends who already don't think much of me, I have a feeling i'll be subjected to a tirade of abuse.

She has till October to find somewhere so it can wait till Tuesday.

It sounds as if you're feeling a bit stronger about the whole thing, RR.

If they are such good friends that they go away together (where is the money coming from for that if she is skint btw?) then she can stay with one of them!

Nah, I'm just an old cynic, but I bet you a dime to a dollar that's how it would play out. Although the other interpretation, which is equally likely, is that friend just wants to have her own stuff around her and the thought of what her host would do for a washing machine or fridge after she's gone has not even occurred to her. Conjure them back from the ether, perhaps (or from storage which the OP has of course been paying for!). At best it's staggeringly thoughtless.

A little bit lost in translation...(I'm in the US)
White goods here, I took to mean bed linens, pillows, bed covering, etc.
But it is major appliances here. A bit slow on the uptake , but have renewed [anger] for you, RR.

Extra Tender Vittles for your dear cat in exposing this fake friend for what she truly is.

Xpost Annie
I'm more than a bit cynical too. But I am still surprised [not all that good at discovering] at the hidden agendas behind the fake facades.

I agree the "friend" may not have had a single thought towards RR as seemed to be her usual MO.

Haha, AndTheBand , I think your ex-housemate who put one spoon in and claimed the whole set sounds like the last word in hidden agendas!