AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

[RogueRebel]

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

[mistlethrush]

There were a couple of suggested messages further down the thread that were a good way of dodging - along the lines of

Dear Friend

I'm glad you've got until October because you will be able to get something much more suitable sorted out in that time - you would really struggle getting into the box room, and I'm sure that you would be able to find something larger for the amount it will cost to come here, once all the reduction in benefits etc has been accounted for. We could look at some of the options together if that would help?

[InLoveWithDavidTennant]

blimey... she sounds ghastly!

[oldgrandmama]

Agree with all the good advice here. Believe me, she's no friend of yours but a manipulative, greedy and bullying woman. I'd drop her right now - she's no loss. You deserve better friends than that.

[LegoLegoEverywhere]

Once manipulative users sense you may be pulling away from them they will be nice, incredibly nice. Be prepared for this as she's only thinking of how to reel you in so she can stomp all over you again.

If you can't say no to her then tell her you've been advised you'll have to pay full council tax and lose a load of benefits, so very sorry and all but she can't stay.

She's also a malicious stirrer if she's told you things her friends said. I would question whether they've actually said anything at all and if they have who has fed them information about you? She has. This is by the by really. The good news is that you seem to be more determined which is great. Keep reading these posts, notice not one MNer has said let her move in.

[Earthworms]

Don't give reasons why she can't move in, she will just shoot each reason down. And wear you down.

Can't argue with

Let me move in....

No, I've changed my mind

But you said.....

No, I did offer, but now I've decided not to offer you a place

But you said....

And now I am saying no

But why.....

Because now I'm saying no.

Don't get drawn into it

I often use a Douglas Adams line I think zaphod beeblebrox said it:

'I'd love to stay and help, only I'm not going to'

[WhiteandGreen]

Agree with Earthworms.

[perfectstorm]

I think just saying you've been told you can't have lodgers in your council house as it's contrary to the lease, and that you'd lose all benefits too, would be unarguable. If she says you can do it on the down-low and nobody ever need know, you can leave a pause and then say, as though amazed, "You're seriously asking me to risk my children's home, the income with which I feed them, and a criminal record for you...?" I'd imagine she'd be pissy and nasty then, because she'd be wrongfooted and not liking it. If she backed down and apologised, so much the better, but I'd not put money on that outcome.

No wonder she wants to move in! £34 a week for rent and council tax? From a landlady she knows she can pay only if she feels like it? When she earns enough to pay normal rents in her own place, and you'd vacate the main bedroom for her?

I hope you meet some lovely new friends, because tbh she sounds a total user. She also sounds as though she feels she's doing you a favour being your friend at all, and thus can behave however she likes. In short, she's not your friend.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

If she can not take the hint, and as she sounds like she doesn't have the social skills to believe a hint would apply to her, then, perhaps you could let her group of friends know that you have, in fact, said no-she is not moving in? It is going behind her back, but her dismissiveness toward you has made it necessary. Talk about fat in the fire, but it would get the point across.

Iagining that scenario, it would best for you to just say no directly to her, yourself, right?

[LoisPuddingLane]

Announce it on Facebook.

[RogueRebel]

sorry I haven't been on for a while LegoLegoEverywhere was right I have had the overly creepy niceness via txt for a while now and I finally gave in and exploded all over her!
I told her she's rude, and taking the piss - I was so angry I can't actually remember exactly what I said but the message got across.

Turns out she's not been evicted she just didn't want to live with her brother, but she didn't want to cover the rent on her own The cheeky cow!

She's going to get a lodger instead.
I haven't spoken to her for a few days and I'm not bothered about it either.

[cozietoesie]

Quite right. Now you can see her for what she is, eh? Great that you're so much stronger.

Did you fill in your Mum and Bro on the situation ? (Just in case, now, because it sounds as if you're up to dealing with her yourself!)

[mistlethrush]

'Didn't want to cover the rent on her own' so thought that you would cover it all for her instead?

Glad that you've managed to sort this out

[WhiteandGreen]

Yay!

Well done.

[misskatamari]

Excellent news, you must be so relieved!

[Lweji]

Good one.

(I came to read asking myself if she was still letting the cat out. )

[LegoLegoEverywhere]

Fantastic. Well done for sorting her out!

[pigsDOfly]

Oh well done OP. I felt really cross on your behalf over this.

I'm so glad you've be able to stand up for yourself and told her where to go.

[saggyhairyarse]

I was going to say that this is really a bad idea for you as a single parent as if she moves in and your benefits are reduced you will have to pay more to have her there regardless of whether she was paying half the bills or not. Nevermind the fact she thought she could just make a nominal donation to you and that she sounded like a PITA as a friend, never mind a housemate!

Am so glad you saw red, hopefully she will disappear and not give you too much grief now. You really do not need friends like her!

Well done :-D

[MusicalEndorphins]

She has some nerve that;s for sure. I am glad you have seen her true colours.

[haverer]

Oh that's fantastic news! Well done for telling her.