AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

[RogueRebel]

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

[MaBumble]

Dear friend
I'm so pleased you have some breathing space to get things sorted now, October is a whole month away ! I didn't really think it would work with you staying here, obviously the box room is really cramped and there is no room for any of you stuff (I'd hate for you to have to sell things as you can't afford storage). I've also been thinking, I would be comfortable with your bloke coming round - the kids just wouldn't understand it. Not to mention that it'll probably cost you just much in rent etc once we make up the cuts in my benefits. I'm so relived, we'll start looking for places for you as soon as you get back. Xxx ps my darling little old boy came back safe and sound, thought I'd let you know as I'm sure you were as worried as me.

[cozietoesie]

Rogue

20 years of knowing someone is a long time and a lot to give up. A lot of memories. But I think you need to. From what you say, she's using you and has been these many years.

You need to think of yourself and the DCs and let her swim. Do you have any other friends IRL or family members that could give you some support?

[RobotHamster]

Just dont let her move in! I don't understand why you would.

I'm sure its been brought up, but would it affect your taxccredits if you're charging her rent?

[MaBumble]

Would be comfortable=wouldn't be comfortable ofc

[MaBumble]

Oh and re benefits - if she suggests not telling them 'what? They could cut off all my support! And you just know someone will report it. Are you really suggesting that I risky kids welfare like that?'

[Fluffycloudland77]

All you need to say is "sorry, I was temporarily mad but I've thought about it and I don't want to"

You are not her mum.

[AndWhenYouGetThere]

No - no compromises. Just no.
And it has nothing to do with the cat.

[Gruntfuttock]

RogueRebel You are far too kind for your own, and your DC's good.
Just don't do it. You owe your friend nothing.

Don't let her move in with you!

[LegoLegoEverywhere]

Does your 'friend' respect your boundaries? If you tell her not to pinch your food or wash up her own stuff do you think she will? Will she bring in her boyfriend regardless of what you say?

She is already telling people she is doing you a favour. To me that's a red flag, anyone who distorts the truth in order to make themselves look good actually doesn't give a rats ass about you. (And no I don't believe it was a typo). Did she ever apologise for letting the cat out or offer to help get him back? Think that's going to get better if she moves in?

She is selfish and entitled and you are there to he exploited. As soon as you put your foot down she will show her true colours. May as well do this before she moves in and see what happens.

Oh on the room front. Are you mad?! That's said with tongue in cheek. Seriously it says a lot about your self esteem that you are willingly to be inconvenienced in your own home for someone so entitled. It's hard starting to stand up for yourself when you are not used to it but it gets easier. Trust me, I know.

[JumpingJackSprat]

It gets worse!! She sounds like a bloody nightmare... just please say no!!

[LoisPuddingLane]

Is this a wind-up? Why would anyone let this person move in and give her your bedroom too? She is obviously quite a taker and if you're not careful you are really going to get taken. Change your mind, say you've thought it over and it won't work. She'll have men in your bedroom before you know it. Yuk.

[oldgrandmama]

I think DON'T BLOODY DO IT! I honestly can't understand why you're even thinking for one sodding SECOND of letting her live in your home!

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

I'm with fluffycloud on this one, bitch or doormat....it sounds like it is well past time to stop being a doormat to her. In saying no, she might give you a verbal spanking, but so what? That is just a few sound waves floating around.

From what you have wrtten, RR, you are invisible to your "friend". She keeps putting you down, making you subordinate, and diminishing you, that you are prepared to give her the position of superior person in your home (this is way beyond "guest" privlege)...that is the dynamic you are creating in giving her the choice bedroom. You do not want to be invisible in your own home.

She may have backed off a bit on this by herself...it would just be so ott using you, perhaps she does have some self awareness in how she is treating you. The moving in on Monday scheme was to push in when you would not have a moment to think about it. She is not a nice person, and imho, you should seriously reevaluate your connection with her.

[Bogeyface]

"Hi Friend,

I have been thinking about you moving in here and I have realised that it just wont work. The box room is far too small for you and all of your stuff and as you know, the rest of the house doesnt have enough storage. I also have the issue of the council restrictions. BAsed on this I have decided that you wont be able to move in. I am sorry to have messed you about but I didnt really have chance to think about it when you first asked me, and now I have I can see that it simply wont work not least because I am sure you dont want me and the kids cramping your style!

I am sure that you understand, take care"

She will kick off, selfish entitled arses always do, but stick to your guns. What you have here is a dyed in the wool taker, and frankly you dont need someone that selfish in your life.

[Looksgoodingravy]

Sounds like a complete nightmare tbh!

If you really can't face telling your 'friend' no I'd scrap the 3 month probation deal and just go with a month while she looks for something permanent, after all this is what she plans isn't it?

What exactly are you going to get out of this arrangement other than a box room?

I'm sorry but I think you will deeply regret getting this.

[Looksgoodingravy]

Don't know how getting jumped into that last sentence

[Bogeyface]

Oh and she wont pay the rent. She just wont.

You need to go into this expecting your rent and CT to go up and her to not pay you a penny. If you cant afford that then you cant do it.

[jumpingpillows]

do not let her move in.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN!!!

Sorry for shouting but she will fleece you and make your life a misery.

She's spiteful, rude to you and won't abide by your rules.

[Cabrinha]

I cannot believe you're even thinking about letting her move in.
Forget your ground rules because YOU won't stick to them - let alone her!
Come on - you know you won't.
No men?
She won't keep to that.
Nice for your kids. Strange menin the house and doubtless they'll get to hear them having sex too. Nice.

As for giving up your room - don't be a mug.
Just say no. Worst that happens is she falls out with you, which frankly from everything you've said is no loss.

[karinmaria]

Please don't let her move in, she sounds like she'll take advantage of you, leave you with less money to treat your children and be totally ungrateful.

So from what you've said she:

• does not give a shit about your dear old cat
• does not care about your children (proven by the examples of musical tickets and bringing this bloke home)
• has not waited to see if you'll agree to let her stay and assumed she will
• has not offered to pay rent
• has offered her white goods when she knows she'll be moving out again, taking those white goods with her and leaving you with nothing
• has talked about bringing some random bloke into your home
• refused to help you move house even though she can drive
• has claimed she has no money although she has admitted she could afford private rent
• has claimed she cannot afford storage therefore assuming she can just take over your home

This is the tip of the iceberg.

Just tell her the council said you cannot have a lodger due to their housing regs. This way she can't blame you and you prevent your children from having their home invaded.

[Anniegetyourgun]

It could be worse than strange men. It could be her brother. You know, the one who managed to hold such a wild party with just four friends that the police were called and the landlord evicted not only him but the sister who (allegedly) wasn't even there. Of course she'll say he won't come round if you don't want him to - but you won't be there most of the time.

I can't think of any level on which this is a good thing. Putting up friends at a pinch when their life turns to shit, that's only decent. But this is not one of those situations. Not even close.

Am also very amused at the "skint" friend who always has money for tickets and gadgets which she knows the OP can't afford, but somehow doesn't have the money for practical things, like (to take a random example) rent.

And don't even get me started on the idea that the OP should throw her household items out and use the friend's newer ones - so you don't dare throw friend out because she'll take the communal fridge and washing machine (as they were hers in the first place) and you can't afford replacements... BAD idea! BAD idea!

No, a polite letting-down while there is still plenty of time for friend to look for alternative accommodation is the only sensible move.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Hmm, is a pattern beginning to emerge here? Is there, dare one say, a certain consensus developing? Does anyone in the world in space think the friend moving in will be a positive thing? Er, no, they don't.

[cozietoesie]

Well I don't think so - but I am concerned that after 20 years of habit forming and with everything else going on in her life, the OP may not be able to muster the strength to turn her down if, say she turns up on the doorstep one night - with fridge and poly bags etc. That's why I was wondering whether she had any friends or family to come round and give her support.