AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

[RogueRebel]

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

[MusicalEndorphins]

I know you will regret it if she moves in with you. based on only her disregard of the family pet would be enough reason for me to say no. I like the "I was temporarily mad, and realized it wouldn't work." No space, and you feel she would prefer to live somewhere that she was free to have people (men) around.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I can't believe you've sat and wasted energy on typing out a list of ground rules! You CANNOT let her move in. It would be such a bad idea.

You really need to put your energy into writing a plan of action for what you will say to her as part of telling her she can't move in. Use some of the ideas that people have posted.

[onetiredmummy]

I'm glad your cat is back I echo what everyone else has said, don't allow her to move in. You, your children and your cat will be very very stressed and unhappy.

[Squitten]

OP, are you actually reading anything that people are writing on here?

I think pretty much everyone has said (and shouted!) that it is a MONUMENTALLY TERRIBLE IDEA to let her move in, and you want to know opinions on ground rules?!

This woman is going to take you for a ride. FFS - you feel GUILTY about sleeping in YOUR OWN BEDROOM?! What are you going to do when she can't find her rent all of a sudden, or she starts eating your food? If you can't say no to her coming in the first place, what makes you think you can just chuck her out so easily?

I have a feeling you are going to allow this to happen anyway so I'm probably wasting my breath, like everyone else, but you really will regret doing this.

[Xales]

To put it bluntly you will be a fucking idiot to let her move in.

She will then be having strange men over despite your saying no. Why would she do otherwise she doesn't even listen to you over a cat.

You will be screwed mentally, emotionally and financially.

By all means let her stay in the tiny room for a maximum of one month until she sorts herself out. But don't ruin your family's house and home situation for a nasty selfish cow.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

Rogue you sound like a dear friend of mine who was always getting herself into pickles because she couldn't say no. Your inconsiderate phone-obsessed cat-losing friend will make your and your children's and your cat's lives an utter misery. Some very good suggestions on how to head her off upthread.

If you let her replace your serviceable but old white goods etc with her own shiny ones, she will see it as giving her a stake in your home.

[Tiptops]

Please don't let her move in.

You sound like a lovely friend and by your own admission a people pleaser. If she was a good friend she would know this and not take advantage of you.

Your home is yours and your DC's sanctuary, please don't let someone like this invade it.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

Posted too soon... she's already thinking of your place as her place, and assuming that she can organise it to suit her. You absolutely MUSTN'T let her move in even for a night in the box room, otherwise you'll end up letting her stay and stay and stay, gradually taking over the rest of the house. Her crap will gradually fill up the bathroom, you and your children will be late for work or school as she's fannying around in there,

You'll end up putting off confrontation, hoping she'll go away by herself, then one night she'll ask if she can borrow your room as she's got a friend coming, and you'll be telling yourself that the boyfriend she's been having noisy sex with in your bed all night with means she'll be moving out soon to live with him, but instead you'll be sleeping on your own sofa for night after night.

You'll be washing up after her as she's fouled everything in the kitchen and 'oops, have to run off to work, sorry sweetie' - can't you just see these scenarios?

[Ogg]

You are setting your children up for watching you being emotionally abused and also possibly them being emotionally manipulated and used. She is a notch and you need to face that, get a grip and tell her she cannt move in.

[Ogg]

How the fuck can you even contemplate it to be honest is beyond me.

[ImperialBlether]

You sound like a martyr to me. You are seriously going to give your room to a woman who is extremely selfish, promiscuous, completely broke and who doesn't do anything at all which would define her as a friend.

Why the hell would you do that? Your poor children.

[Misspixietrix]

Fluffycloud I want that saying tattooed on the.Inside of my eyelids! YWNBU to say no now. I had to turn down a friend once. We are still friends years later its one of those situations where you know its not going to end well and I would make it clear she has to meet the Men elsewhere as you wont have the Children exposed to it ~

[Fluffycloudland77]

Sometimes I repeat it over and over again.

[misskatamari]

DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN

DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN

DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN

DO NOT LET HER MOVE IN

Seriously! She sounds like a nightmare and you will regret it and then no doubt be stuck in a box room unwilling to ask her to leave as she's shagging random blokes in your bedroom!

[RogueRebel]

Thanks for all the posts. I am going to say no.
I do have a brilliant mum and older brother who help me loads, but they have been away on a family holiday for the last two weeks, I couldn't get time off after starting a new job and needing time off for school starts - They are coming home tomorrow.

I don't want my children exposed to strange men, especially the one she's with at the moment as he sounds like a Dick.

I was previously in an abusive relationship in which I was cut off from all friends and in turn have lost them all apart from "the friend". For the last 3years now I've had no real way of making new friends as life has revolved around my children and trying to get them settled.

I think that's made me want to hold onto her more. But since I've started working ive made new friends and one in particular who has DC around the same age so we've started doing play dates. I secretly think this has annoyed "friend" as I'm no longer at her beck and call.

I haven't heard from friend so will wait until I do and then explain the reasons why I've changed my mind, I've just got the kids settled after difficulties with their father where he was wanting to have contact then ignored them and now has said to give the DC his number when their older. So having more people in and out of their lives in such close proximity is going to set them back again.

If this is a friendship breaker so be it.

[Bogeyface]

Good for you! Stay strong and remember, when she is yawping down the phone at you, that old MN favourite "NO!" is a complete sentence!

[Mumsyblouse]

Rogue- that sounds really sensible, self-protection and the protection of the children is the way to go here, your friend sounds the most unsuitable lodger it's possible to have.

[cozietoesie]

Yes indeed - good for you!

[Fluffycloudland77]

Good for you!

[cozietoesie]

PS - and fill your Mum and Bro in on the situation so that they can get your back if needs be. If you find yourself up against it (with her on the doorstep or something awful) then you might find it difficult but they won't. They're not emotionally invested in anyone apart from you so would be able to say no to her on your behalf a lot more easily.

It would be better for you if you could do the job on your own but knowing that they were around if needed could be very helpful to you.

[misskatamari]

So relieved for you Rogue!

[onetiredmummy]

Thank goodness for that! I really thought you were going to let her!

What do you think she will do to try & get you to change your mind OP?

Will she actually turn up with her bags, will she come round to change your mind, will she be nasty on fb?

Its worth thinking & planning for what will happen next if you're not good with confrontation (like me)

[ThereGoesTheYear]

Good for y

[ThereGoesTheYear]

Good for you! She's so selfish it would never work out. And at the end if the 3 months can you imagine having to ask her to leave? Much less confrontational to be sensible now and say it won't work out.

[Selks]

Glad to hear you are going to tell her no about moving in.

You are not responsible for your friend. She doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway - her attitude so far indicates that she would be a nightmare to live with and would take advantage horrendously. I think you would pretty soon regret her moving in then be stuck with the issue of how to get her to move out. Just don't do it - prioritise your and your DC's needs over hers. She sounds a resourceful person - I'm sure she can sort herself out somehow. Just be prepared for her trying to pressure you or emotionally blackmail you into changing your mind once you tell her no. Be strong.

You sound a lovely person but I think you could do with working on your boundaries and sense of feeling responsible for others, and your discomfort with being assertive / dealing with confrontation. Always, always consider 'will this work for me / DC' when considering helping others. Nothing wrong with being a kind and giving person at all, but put yourself first. We all have to look after our needs before we can attend to the needs of others, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so. Best wishes.