Dating thread 62 .. All welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

I was trying to come up with an appropriate similar situation for women and I just couldn't. Maybe imagine finding out you're adopted at the age of 20 and your biological father wants to meet you. Do you want to meet him? There is obviously a biological connection there, but you've been going on your whole life imagining one thing but actually it's not the case.

It can change your life, but you never 'missed' him because you didn't know he existed. Even if you did know you were adopted when you were younger, you may be curious but you don't feel a bond with them, even though they're your flesh and blood.

That's the closest I could come, and I know it's not the same but...

Exactly- I imagine in that situation I would be intrigued but detached. I would feel some abstract disappointment maybe at not having known this person maybe.

The only hypothetical situation I could come up with would be perhaps being an egg donor and being visited 18
Years later by ones biological offspring! But the dynamics there would be different too...

Too many maybes in previous post! Wish mn had an edit function :D

Winefiend!

Use your imagination ,

And it been a long time since that has happened.

Winefiend

I don't really recommended the last on list!

Lol I was very drunk at time but unfortunately that all he wanted in the end

I was stupid and thought he loved me, I was madly in love would have done anything for him.
I guess it the first love bull crap!

But even now when he said he was taking his gf on holiday I was hurt as we never did fun stuff.

Hence the loving the fun days with Mr car!

Hey everyone

I just came on to ask your advice.

Not sure if anyone remembers mr rich (I had a different username at the time) we met, had a date and slept together and then he seemed to go cooler! Anyway we stare chatting more recently an went out in the day time, I know I dont want to date him again, i don't mind being friends but I think he would like a friends with benefits type arrangement. Anyway he has been texting me and I havnt been replying. I've recently moved house and I was talking to him about all the DIY that I had to do, he said he would put up my wallpaper then started saying are we going to had sex? Like its his right if he does my paper. He may have been joking but I don't find it funny.

So I havnt been messaging him since. I always feel really rude not replying and wondering if i should reply or not? But when in conversation make it clear I don't want to be anything other then friends.

Hi Family - no, don't reply. He sounds pretty sleazy and is really trying it on with you. So he papers your walls and in return you shag him? Hmm, don't think so.

I don't honestly think there's much point keeping in contact with people who you've dated when it didn't work out unless you have a really good connection as friends. I don't think this is the case with this man, or with Mr Workaholic (is he still around)? He's obviously thinking that if you're still in touch then you're still interested, and I don't think his behaviour is going to change.

He sounds like a jerk Family, don't give the plank the courtesy of a reply.

Thank you all for your replies, I think your right I'm not going to speak to him. The reason I'm not going to is because I spent way too much time on mr workaholic (who isnt around as I deleted his number and never bothered texting him, I'm sure he will try to contact me 3/4 months down the line but I really can't waste any more time on him). And I really don't Want to waste more time on mr unavailables.

But yes I do feel very rude as he text me asking if I'm ok as I'm not replying!

Also i was chatting to a guy that seemed very nice from POF, we had been chatting for days on POF, then he politely asked for my number and we were texting and arranged a date for tonight. I text him yesterday asking how was his weekend about to confirm the date and he hasn't replied

I know these things happen a lot online but this guy seemed quite decent and I wouldn't have expected it from him. He did have problems with his phone recently so perhaps that's it. Oh well will have to wait and see!

Time will tell rubbish some people can be so rude. I was supposed to have a date at 4pm on Saturday, I text him that morning to finalise venue and he replied at 11pm! Saying he'd been busy working and forgot to take his phone. Needless to say the block n delete button came in handy.

My date went well. He reinterated the story, explaining how they were both students and at that time neither could afford the plane ticket to visit so it got left and she got married and when he was 5 the DH adopted him and that's the last he heard and only now can he afford a plane ticket and he doesn't even know if the boy knows the truth.
I did ask him, as delicately as I could, why he ticked the does have kids box. He said he'd rather be honest from the start than try to explain later down the line.
I find it really hard to trust men but I'm going to make a conscious effort to do that, unless proved otherwise.

On a lighter note, he told me I need to open my legs and bend over we were talking about motorbikes at the time, he soon discovered I have a filthy sense of humour!
So it went well, we had a giggle and he's messages already to say he feels same.

Flo that sounds like a really good first meet. I can totally see why he ticked "yes" even in those circumstances (hooray for honesty) and it is a plausible story, and I can see why he was reticent initially - you are a stranger after all and if he was posting here we'd probably be telling him to only share as much as he wanted etc.

rubbish I have found that you just never know- the disappearers can be a real surprise- first when they disappear and then when they pop up again 3/4 months later often expecting sex if you slept with them before- as if any woman who slept with them once goes on some reserve list in their heads
Actually why cross that out, it's true!!

I'd be interested to hear from men on here about why so many guys do this. Maybe women do it too but I wouldn't dream of contacting someone again just as a reserve shag. Because like wine I am also too polite and give people the benefit of the doubt plus default to friend position with pretty much everyone this happens to me soooo often - about 2 weeks ago got contacted by three exes and randoms I
Slept with once or twice obviously looking for amenable filler. Bah.

Kitty I am so pleased to hear about the warm glow!

Argh wine I am officially the dirty old woman of
The thread then at 40. I have indeed slept with people young enough to be my son. What was that you were saying about a register?!! Eek.

For some reason I get only men my age or a bit older, or guys in 20s messaging me. No one in 30s whatever.

Flo - the date sounds like it went well so do you think you fancy him?

Hostess - I often have a lot of exes hanging around and contacting me. Do you speak to yours when they get in contact? I do and I'm intending on stopping!

Right confession, I have popped up on someone several months after turning them down. Why? Because I was running through dates in my head, reassessing my approach and wondered if I shouldn't have given him a second chance. Turns out the fanjo knows when it knows and there was no third date.

I've also had someone pop up on me months after turning them down the first time. Maybe I was being unfair, but I assumed that they assumed hoped I'd have reached desperation stage.

Hostess I'll join you in the dirty old woman corner , had a very enjoyable fling with a fit 22 year old a while ago, and I'm 41.... My best friend has kids who are older than that.... I hasten to add though, he wasn't one of her kids, or one of their friends!!

Flo I'm glad it went well, and it's great that he is being so honest from the start

Secret and OWW, footballer did hit the big time locally a few years ago, but unless you have a very good working knowledge of Scottish league football, you wouldn't know him . I am suitably impressed though, and he has maintained his fitness man, those thighs.....

Stranger I also assume that ex-dates who pop up months later, are assuming I'll be at desperation stage...

I had one guy text me a couple of weeks ago whose number I had already deleted.... Thought the "sorry, who is this?" reply was suitably off putting, but no, he text me back to tell me his full name, where I met him and when... (I'd already worked out who it was by then, and wished I hadn't text him back at all!).

Didn't reply again - if he didn't get my lack of interest on the date, or in response to his first text, he wasn't ever going to realise that I wasn't desperate for him to get back in touch!