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Original poster

Dating thread 62 .. All welcome

999 replies

Kirstywirsty · 20/08/2013 16:37

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 25/08/2013 22:00

Roller I agree with the others, don't contact him again, he might get over it, or not, but falling out after two dates is hardly a sign that wedding planning is in order. To be brutally honest, if the genders were reversed and you were posting an update here and saying he'd done all those things we'd be telling you that it shouldn't be that much work after two dates, he's testing you, playing games etc and to cut him loose. The good news is you know you need to work on this.

rollermydisco · 25/08/2013 22:05

Thanks all, I just feel like absolute crap, it was all my fault and I don't know how to stop beating myself up for it. It's almost like feeling "what if he was the one that got away?!"

Kim thanks for your advice too, I definitely am actively working on my insecurities although I sometimes think that means I set my boundaries too strictly and find fault in everything, which is equally counterproductive

Hope you get introduced coconuts, friends of friends always a fab way to meet someone! .

ALittleStranger · 25/08/2013 22:12

It's almost like feeling "what if he was the one that got away?!"

You know, my take is increasingly that there is no such thing. If he was, he wouldn't have got away. If it's meant to be, it just is. There's a reason why so many comments on this board about belated happy endings include comments along the lines of "for the first time it was all really easy and we just knew".

lovelybunchofcoconuts · 25/08/2013 22:13

roller don't feel like crap, he may have got away but he wasn't 'the one'. When it's meant to happen it will happen.
Stop giving yourself a hard time, you will just make yourself feel worse and that would be counterproductive, thinking more of yourself is the way to move forward.
I am bossy tonight, oops.

I won't be going out with friends of friends, I know it seems like a good idea but you haven't met my friends!

Bant · 25/08/2013 22:18

Roller - the thing to remember about 'the one that got away' is that if they got away, they obviously weren't the One.

And there is no 'One' anyway. Soulmates don't exist, there are just people who get you, who you get. And also both fancy each other.

You may not be in a good place to date if you're getting so caught up so quickly and imagining weddings, but a bit more experience might help you.

Bant · 25/08/2013 22:20

Lots of cross posting there, I think. We must all be right :)

lovelybunchofcoconuts · 25/08/2013 22:23

roller I think Bant is right, the one thing I would add is timing. If it's the wrong time it's wrong.

rollermydisco · 25/08/2013 22:26

Thanks all, I think that's what I needed to hear - that when it's the right person it will just feel right and will work.

Sorry the talk of weddings was a bit tongue in cheek, i just meant I get attached quickly.

And yes you are all right

I'll stop moaning and cheer up :)

Bant · 25/08/2013 22:47

Oh, a separate note of advice to everyone. About 2 or 3 months ago I went on a date with PinkHat. She was okayish although had shaved 7 or 8 years off her age and said on the OD site that she was 35, which annoyed me a bit, I mean 3 years is understandable but that's just silly for anyone. And then she wouldn't believe I'd told the truth and actually asked me for ID. Which was kind of offensive. And unflattering. And she was bossy and we just didn't gel.

Anyway. I didn't feel the need to text afterwards and say there was no spark. I got the feeling that no follow up from me would speak for itself. There wasn't a kiss goodnight, there wasn't any talk about doing it again.

However, earlier this evening I got a message from match that she's interested, due to her clicking me on the daily 6.

That is the seventh time since our date. And I've had 4 winks from her too.

Show a bit of dignity woman. It's obviously not a match made in heaven.

Yogagirl17 · 26/08/2013 00:00

Oh dear Bant, that's bad. You could reply to her if only to ask how old she is these days!

There was a guy I'd been in touch with via OD months back. We chatted for a few days then...I don't know I think he just went quiet. I went on a few other dates after that then gave up on OD for about 6 or 7 months. When I went back on recently he got in touch again, said we'd been on the verge of meeting up previously (had we..?). Anyway, we started chatting again and over the space of a few days he managed to tell me nothing about himself, not even his name. Then he disappeared again. Ah yes, I remember now why we never met up before. Really, why did he bother?

Woo is all good here though Smile

Original poster
Kirstywirsty · 26/08/2013 07:45

Morning all .. Monday and I reckon I had about 5 hours sleep on total .. Unfortunately staying with mum until work finished on my house so I was on my own Hmm

FoF came over and took me, DD8 and DN8 to dinner last night .. DD was on the phone to her dad before we went and she had him on speaker phone .. She was going on 'FoF did this FoF did that .. We're off to dinner with FoF ' 'good for you!' Was the rather ratty reply :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Kirstywirsty · 26/08/2013 07:45

In total all weekend I meant

OP posts:
KinNora · 26/08/2013 07:57

Morning everyone,

Kirsty, it's lovely how well FoF has fitted into your family life, kind of illustrates how relationships that are right will be devoid of stress and drama.

Yoga when are you seeing SnS again ?

Minimal news from me other than STD Man and I are going to meet, probably next week some time and Gay Paree sent me a message from the festival again yesterday, which was pretty unexpected, I'd thought he might have vanished into the ether by now.

Have a fantastic day everyone.

kittykat10 · 26/08/2013 08:01

Bit disappointed this am, hoped to see Mr car , but he was out all day yesterday and is tired , nothing had been arranged so not an issue and part of my head says it good not to rush in , something I'm good at .
My ex and I were practically together 5 nights a week after 6 weeks of proper dating.

I'm being silly I know !

Yogagirl17 · 26/08/2013 08:51

Morning. Hi Kirsty - 5 hours sleep to start a monday morning - you have my sympathy and much BrewBrewBrew ! How much longer til you're back in your own place? Tell my about FoF - I missed that in my absence.

Kin We've seen each other twice so far and going to see each other again this week. Sadly I won't be able to see him at all next weekend due to my own commitments but really can't believe how well it's going. We just seem to click. He thinks I'm gorgeous & sexy and I just find him totally lovely. We both seem to want the same thing and have agreed we don't want to see other people while we get to know each other better and see where this goes. So it's all very, very Smile.

Meanwhile, on a totally unrelated note (and nothing to do with OD but most of us have been through it in one form or another)...discovered about two weeks ago that XH's OW has just moved in half a mile away from me! She used to live a couple of towns over but no doubt he convinced her to move to a 'nicer' area and get her kids into better schools now so that they can all play happy families soon. Also discovered that they are trying to convince anyone who will listen that they only got together in the aftermath of our divorce, not that they were the reason for it! At first I was raging!! How dare the stupid bitch move here - this is my home! However, I have since come to my senses (aided by a little inside info that OW is extremely insecure) and realised that she's the one who should be shitting herself for now being on my 'turf' so to speak. I've lived here for 15 years, I have all my friends around me - and every one of them knows exactly what she's done. So it has occurred to me that I'm probably sleeping a lot better at night than she is. Plus of course - she now has to deal with my angry, arrogant, arsehol ex so more fool her. Grin

Original poster
Kirstywirsty · 26/08/2013 08:56

Hey yoga she is indeed on foreign soil and she has to put up with your ex .. You should pity her!!

FoF is an old school friend of a girl from work who thought we'd get on And so she set us up In june ..

He is lovely .. Blonde hair... Beard ( which I didn't think I'd like but i do!) .. sexy, sensual , Really fit, very loving, kind, thoughtful .. Does gym and kayaking and paragliding .. 43 next month .. He is separated 3 years... has 2 teenaged daughters (15 and 17) It has all really just clicked together .. He has met all of my family .. Everyone likes him .. DD and DN are huge fans .. He took them wall climbing last weekend ..

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 26/08/2013 09:01

Kirsty that sounds really fantastic - so happy for you!

KinNora · 26/08/2013 09:07

I'm so pleased for you Yoga that all sounds marvellous about SnS, and really promising for the future - fingers firmly crossed for you.

OW is barking mad to allow herself to be talked into moving nearby, it's hardly going to be a bed of roses for her is it, daft sod.

Yogagirl17 · 26/08/2013 09:28

"OW is barking mad to allow herself to be talked into moving nearby"

Yes she is, isn't she? I have no doubt in my mind that he talked her into it - he can be very persuasive. I don't think it really suited him to have a girlfriend from the town where she was before but he will have convinced her it's in her own and her childrens' best interest. Silly cow, I don't really know what I was worried about.

KinNora · 26/08/2013 09:52

God no, Yoga, she's the one with the problems - saddled with him and talked into moving somewhere against the best interests of her and her children on the word of some self-interested, adulterous plank.

KinNora · 26/08/2013 09:53

Meanwhile you've got saucy SnS to get to know better.

kittykat10 · 26/08/2013 10:53

Had a sort of compliment

You have the best boobs I've seen !

He only seen them in a vest top but nice sausy compliment !

JulietteMontague · 26/08/2013 11:27

yoga so pleased about SnS. Didn't you rename him something foody?

Kirsty it's that easiness that says it all how lovely that all your family like him.

Huge dose of Oh Do Fuck Off to your exes this morning Grin

Bant · 26/08/2013 11:33

Can I have some of that dose for mine, juliette?

KinNora · 26/08/2013 11:38

I did think SnS had been renamed to something slightly more glamorous but couldn't remember what it was.

(Sitting my parents' garden, music on shuffle and an unseemly scramble to change the track as 'Sit On My Face' came on, I'm as stylish as ever)