Dating thread 62 .. All welcome

[Kirstywirsty]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

grinchie are you ok? I thought you and ironman were the real deal??

Balti just go with the flow but keep your wits about you

Tonight's emails are a bit different to last night. They are very brief and I am keeping the conversation going, feels a bit one sided.

I will hold back a bit now I think - he might be out on a date!

he has replied to my last message with a brief answer to a question but there has been no flow of conversation or questions back.

I will move on....

Morning All!

I've had my allotted hours of REM.

Second date with NCG/Catweazle later. I will update from b&b if I am alone fighting the strong urge to bed him

I will behave.

See Thread, I am relatively calm this morning

Good luck with all the dates and messaging today.

WOO! - this morning's woo comes to you with a portion of insight and pleasant surprises.

X

And no typos! Which is a very rare occurrence...

Happy Sunday, thread!

Sorry to hear about Ironman, Grinchie, but good for you making the right decision for you. It really is far too easy to stick with a relationship that isn't right. As Snape said, chin up and tits out.

Kirsty, Snape, Juliette, Tigsy, 49, I'm thrilled for all of you. You all deserve all the happiness you're getting. Snape, he'll be back before you know it.

Miranda, thrilled for you too on the relationship front, but sympathetic on the holiday unpacking front.

Kitty, he sounds lovely. Enjoy!

WFF, good luck with Catweasle. Be gentle.

Balti, I think you can tell a lot from the tone of a text or an email. If you're not feeling the vibe, then I think you were right to back off.

Re phone numbers, I do think you'd be very unlucky to run into any seriously scary people, but they are out there, so it pays to be cautious. Rule number 4. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. If you don't trust your instinct (and for a lot of us, calibrating the old twat detector can take time), then maybe a separate dating sim?

Nora, the Woo is gonna getcha...

WFF - you don't have to behave on our behalf :)

balti - you can't read anything into short replies apart from that they're short. He could be on a date, or out with friends. He's still emailing you however (which if he's on a date is a bit unfair to the woman he's dating)

But you don't know.. This is what the thread rules are for, don't get too involved as you don't know what's happening until you've got to the point where you trust each other. Until then it's just exploratory, to see if he's worth you spending your time on. He's allowed to date other people, as are you, until you have The Talk.

Sometimes things just fade away, I've been faded out and I've faded out other people. It's like chit chat at a party, sometimes you can get on well with someone for a few minutes intense conversation then you just get chatting to someone else more interesting or the conversation withers away and you go get something to drink and mingle elsewhere.

Wait for him to contact you and if you get more dates down the line and trust him you can ask what he was doing. Until then don't worry. It's normal to multi-date these days, until you realise one of the people you've met is wonderful and you go exclusive with them.

Morning you lovely people,

Flipper I trust MA is still going well ? I do hope so.

Twinny I await developments with bated breath...

Miranda I think you deserve a medal.

Balti insouciance is your friend, you're sooooo relaxed that you haven't even noticed he's not as chatty as before - easy come, easy go.

Kitty I'm glad it was all more enjoyable than you were expecting, have fun.

My wings are a shield of steel against the woo. If there were to be any, which there won't.

Morning all, I have name changed because Ironman knows I post on here.
Of course, he can still find me but he'd have to actually look, if he looks and finds something he doesn't like then he shouldn't have been so nosey.

kirsty I'm fine thanks it takes me a few weeks to make a decision to end it with someone but once my mind is made up I stick with it.

I accidentally went on a date last night, it wasn't my intention. This time yesterday Ironman was still here but at 9pm, I was home, my friend asked me to go for a drink + a man asked me to go for a drink within minutes of each other so I went.
I'm going to call him TopCat, I liked him, undoubtedly we will be friends but he doesn't grab me by the groin literally or metaphorically) But he does own some old racing cars so I'm going to go and see them later and say 'wow' a lot .

Oh POF how I love thee.....
There's one chap his headline is 'I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl' firstly bleurgh, secondly I looked at his photo and in fact it should read 'I'm just a potato standing in football strip'.

I take my hat off in profound admiration of your speedy fray re-entry Coconuts , have a lovely time with the racing cars and Top Cat ( I shall no doubt be singing the theme tune all day )

I'm just conscious of my weight when had his arm round me

Kitty I don't think that really crosses men's minds that much in that kind of situation, try just to concentrate on the enjoyable aspects of it all

He already said he don't like skinny girls but I worry what I look like especially as I have limited things that fit now

kitty if he didn't like you, no matter what your weight is then he wouldn't put his arm around you.

I guess your right ,I'm being daft the flirty texts started before he had seen me properly and he hugged me the minute we met.
I think after my first bf occasional bad treatment , and the last one who said was ready to date but is back on pof I'm very wary.

Afternoon all!

I have a first date tonight with a nice chap, I'll call him Oz. Not expecting fireworks but I'll give him a chance. Will attempt a loo update.

Also texting a couple of guys for dates during the week and one potential for next weekend so it's all systems go. A bit scared though (and it sounds stupid for an adult woman, but...) what if I end up kissing one of them? I've only kissed one man for the last 5 years and I'm scared I won't do it right! Feel like a teenager I can't remember how one initiates snogging!

kitty Don't second guess it, it sounds like he really likes you!

Msaprhension

I know how you feel my date has always been the one to start the kisses, although I was brave yesterday and kissed him.
It does make you feel like a teen,mind you wasn't kissed as one lol.

Good luck

Should I ask him out or wait there a dog show that I'm sure he'd like next week

I think I'm getting better at this. I struggle with getting attached too quickly, so I think multi dating is definitely the way forward. Trying to follow the online dating version of the rules and maintaining an elusive online presence until 6pm Sunday. Hopefully got a few dates in the pipeline.

Balti I need to learn from your insouciant approach. When my last date seemed to cool off on me, my response was to text him 'What do you actually want?' This is why I need The Rules. And I need you lot to keep me on track.

I'm going to apologetically wade in here again as I need some perspective and am feeling truly awful about a recent OD experience!

I posted on the last thread about a great first date and wondering if it was odd he'd text but not called in the days after it. I brought it up with him after the good advice on here and he did indeed call.

We had date 2 on Thursday, again great time was had. Next day we fell out over something petty, it's me and my insecurities from previous crap relationships seem to sabotage everything and I pick a fight just to see how they'll react I think.

Well he didn't react well and he asked if this was me ending things. I left it for a few hours then rang, he didn't pick up. I then text and apologised which he eventually replied to saying he'd gone out with friends. I said I'd leave him to it but asked if he wanted to sort things, he sent a slightly arsey reply so I replied and said "forget it then" and deleted his number.

That was Friday and I've not heard off him since. I did send him a message through the site on which we met today to apologise and explain and just said I'll leave it as that but you know where I am if you want to talk.

I'm kicking myself, he was lovely, had done nothing wrong, yes it was ridiculously early days but we just clicked, he had told me he'd really liked me and talked a lot in the gap between our dates and on the date itself about future dates and plans (nothing scary, just minor things) and I've gone and effed it all up.

I've looked online today but just have no appetite for anyone else, it's ridiculous and I know I invest far too much too quickly. But I'm just kicking myself.

Has anyone else done similar?

I'm sorry to just wade in and be all me, me, me, I know how much you support each other on here rather than just talk about yourselves.

Feel free to tell me I'm pathetic and need to get a grip :(

roller, I think you'll have to wait and see if he wants to contact you now. I think it is hard not to get too attached too soon - I have been guilty of this too and I know I tend to talk too much about myself too early on.

You will eventually feel up to seeing other dates again - it is too early to know if this was a long term prospect. I kind of fell out with the man I'd been on 3 dates with and felt sad - it's all too easy to build up a fantasy in your head when you don't really know them.

But the only solution is to get back out there! He knows where you are if he wants to contact you and if not - next!

Hello Roller I think Don't has given you some very good advice, to which I'd add that if you're falling out with someone after you've only seen them twice, then it might not be a relationship with long term prospects anyway.

We all have baggage from previous relationships but if your feelings and insecurities are still as close to the surface as you seem to be saying they are, then you might find OD easier if you've worked on them a little. You don't want to be sabotaging something really promising if a man like that turns up, and they do, just look at Snape and OWW .

I wouldn't contact the man you dated again, even to apologise, it runs the risk of being counterproductive and making you feel even worse when he doesn't reply.

Thanks dontcallmehon, can I call you utterly engaging instead?! :)
(Best compliment ever, well done!).

I don't know how to stop imagining the wedding after one date. I think there must be a name for this condition.

Guess I'll just have to wait it out.

It is a great compliment . Only problem is that I feel under pressure to be 'utterly engaging' again on our second date! Hopefully I'm not a terrible disappointment.

Yes, wait, but don't wait expectantly, hoping for a text - if that makes sense. Assume that's it, move on and get on with other dates.

I do the wedding thing too. That's why I've just bought the online dating rules, hopefully they'll reign me in a bit. And I have a lovely friend on POF who I don't fancy at all, but I can pour my heart out to him and he'll listen and not judge. Stops me doing it on dates!

Evening everyone
I've been to visit some of my friends today, as I'm single again they all want to see I'm alright (I'm very alright!)
And some of them know single men they can introduce me too

hon I'm sure you are utterly engaging all the time

roller I agree with hon.