Asking Men Out

[LoisPuddingLane]

I just wanted some views on this, please. I know that it's the 21st century and we are relatively equal, but I've found asking men out doesn't work. I cannot think of a single time I've asked a man out and they've said yes. There are so many confusing messages in my head.

On the one hand I think why shouldn't women make the first move. OK you get knocked back and it hurts but that's what men have to go through. And then this other part of me is going NO. Men like to be hunters etc and if you ask them out you are taking that away from them.

At the moment I'm dithering hopelessly about asking someone out and keep thinking if he was really interested he would ask me. Which is not a good way forward. Thoughts and experiences...?

It's good though if he likes your cooking Lois. Don't people always say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

He'll remember your delicious chicken supper the next time he's sitting indoors at home with a fork, staring at his open can of cold beans.

Well I was hoping the way in would be either via his stomach or slightly lower. I'm not very good at the old seduction, clearly.

If you do bother to make the wet lettuce another meal, drop your fork under the table and give him a treat. Although the bloke's that slow on the uptake, he'll probably just think you're trying to floss your teeth.

No I'm not doing another meal. He'll have to reciprocate otherwise it's just me chasing a man who isn't interested (again).

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A woman walks in and sits down
at the table next to him. He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'? The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto; "Winning the hearts of the world'? Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto; 'Going beyond expectations'? The woman looks at him sternly and says, 'What the fuck do you want, you annoying little prick?'
'Ah!' he says, "Ryan Air".

Lois - you sound like a lot of fun, and I am SURE there are loads of men who would love to be with a woman with such a great sense of humour (and a terrific slow cooker).

I do wonder if a lot of modern men are just embarrassed and even scared by those old-fashioned seduction techniques. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that some things are exciting in fantasy, but not so much in real life. I will always remember driving over to my DH's house when we first met dressed to the seductive nines - when I got there he was in rough clothes painting a gate, and looked at me with amused surprise! It was not the admiring welcome that I was hoping for!! Being myself, and being ordinary and comfortable worked a lot better

I really didn't do any seduction techniques. I would rather die than do the bend-and-snap sort of thing like in Legally Blonde.

You are kind to say such nice things though.

I have to say I'm in a very discombobulated state because I want to be with him and it looks like I won't be. I'm almost tempted to take up internet dating again, just to distract myself.

Hi Lois, I've just read your posts.

I personally think that you should put yourself out there one last time and make sure you snog him. I can practically cut the tension with a knife!

If he doesn't respond then, he is almost certainly gay.

haha! I don't think he is.

I blame my bloody hormones. When you are nearly menopausal they go absolutely crazy and I just want to Do It all the time. It's a pain, frankly. Plus I want cuddles because I'm a miserable old cat-woman with no cats.

Well I think it's safe to say it's a non-starter. I sent him some info about a situation of hi that I'd researched, admitting that I was a terribly interfering old cow. And I said "Consider yourself interfered with". I did hastily say "Oh that sounds SO wrong", but he didn't reply at all. We normally have a very bantery sort of friendship so I can only assume a) he was disgusted, b) he was absolutely terrified or c) he really isn't that interested.

I'm leaning more towards C. And thinking "his loss".

Actually he did reply to the information - said it was very useful. He didn't reply to my saucy double entendring.

Option D) He's wanted to for quite a while but now the time has come, he's a bit nervous and feels a bit intimidated.
Can't you just ask him, "after that nice meal I cooked you, how come I didn't even get a kiss?"

I could ask him but...I wonder how I would feel if a guy said that to me. I'm not sure it's ok to say that.

Funnily enough my daughter said that we (both she and I) can be a bit intimidating. I don't see it meself, but then I wouldn't.

Seriously neil? He is clearly not interested, (for whatever reason). He is under no obligation to explain, and the subtext was crystal clear IMO.

Lois I am sorry that he didn't reciprocate, best just leave it.

Yes, I'm the "best leave it" camp. Otherwise there is quite a possibility of making a tit of myself.

Just as an afterthought, does this count as taking the piss? Or perhaps cocklodging with no cock or lodging?

After the "interfering" upthread, we went back to talking normally.

I just got a text from him and I (stupidly) was thinking "oooh how nice, maybe he wants to take me out or cook ME a meal." No. He's in the cafe which is next door to where I live and he wanted to know my internet password. Not even a please! Fortunately I don't know it.

Cocklodging with no cock

Yes that would annoy me without an attached invitation down for coffee, whoever it was. Bit of a cheek. There's a small chance he's angling for you to say oh, I'll pop down and see you, but if true that would also be annoying.

Nah, he knows I'm at work 35 miles away! I have no problem offering my password to people who are in my flat, or staying with me. It's on a bit of card the internet providers gave me, but I can't actually remember it. So, no problem with giving it to guests, big problem with freeloaders texting me at work to get it off me.

At least if he was actually cocklodging I'd get some cock. I don't think I get anything at all in this arrangement, except the warm feeling of being a nice person when I cook for someone or give them some needed information.

I don't think he's interested Lois. Surely after 6 months now he would have done something and made a move on you (not just for your free internet). Maybe it's best for you to try and move on to finding someone that appreciates you and the effort you make for them; this one just seems like flogging a dead horse (if that's the appropriate phrase).

I'm not flogging him any more. I've sort of given up on the whole idea and today just made me feel really annoyed. Texting me at work to ask me my fucking internet password!

I'd love to move on. I think my problem is at the moment that I've got really fat and men aren't attracted to me. Yes I know some men like it, but most don't. So I don't want to go back on the internet dating or anything without losing a bit of weight. That sounds like an excuse for not doing anything but I really am a fatty. I look like I'm about to give birth.

By the way, I told my daughter about this tonight and she just left a minute pause then shouted "NEXT!".