Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Asking Men Out

172 replies

LoisPuddingLane · 19/08/2013 14:08

I just wanted some views on this, please. I know that it's the 21st century and we are relatively equal, but I've found asking men out doesn't work. I cannot think of a single time I've asked a man out and they've said yes. There are so many confusing messages in my head.

On the one hand I think why shouldn't women make the first move. OK you get knocked back and it hurts but that's what men have to go through. And then this other part of me is going NO. Men like to be hunters etc and if you ask them out you are taking that away from them.

At the moment I'm dithering hopelessly about asking someone out and keep thinking if he was really interested he would ask me. Which is not a good way forward. Thoughts and experiences...?

OP posts:
LoisChristmasPuddingLane · 19/12/2013 21:50

Thanks all.

It is tricky and I think part of it is being older too. (He's a little younger than me and I'm 51). By this age, if you haven't been married, you've seen some STUFF. I just want a nice guy who makes me laugh and who won't shag around. If my friend could be that person then great. We'll see.

stickysausages · 19/12/2013 21:55

I asked a man out once....

10 years later, we're still together Grin

LoisChristmasPuddingLane · 19/12/2013 22:01

I am much cheered by these stories.

MadBusLady · 19/12/2013 22:05

You claim to be useless at flirting and you told him to hold back your hair! You minx Xmas Grin

LoisChristmasPuddingLane · 19/12/2013 22:10

Er...yeah I did :)

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 09/01/2014 21:33

Well happy new year everyone. I'm back and still not really much further forward. On New Year's Eve he was the only person except for my daughter who texted me. It wasn't a standard generic HNY text. He was over in the UK and having a moan about where he was.

Anyway, since then nothing. I feel reluctant to pursue it at the moment - he seems much less chatty on facebook and stuff. In fact not chatty at all. I don't want to make an uncomfortable situation by saying "sooooo LUNCH THEN!". Bugger, why is it so difficult.

OP posts:
EllieInTheRoom · 09/01/2014 22:21

Grrrrrrrrr this sounds so close, yet so far!

Maybe he's waiting for you to issue the invite? He did say yes. The NYE text message could have been a "hello remember I'm here" message. I mean, he was obviously thinking about you.

TBF he could have just said, how about that lunch then, but maybe you're as bad at this as each other.

He probably hasn't been as chatty on FB as he has been visiting etc.

I say do it! Ask him properly. If he says no or gives a week answer fuck him off, but don't quit now!!

EllieInTheRoom · 09/01/2014 22:22

*weak

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 09/01/2014 23:58

Yeah, I guess it deserves a final push. It's like those machines at the fair that you put 2p pieces in and they move backwards and forwards not quite tipping over the edge.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 18:51

OK, I know this moves more slowly than a treacle on a cold day but I'm slowly getting somewhere. So, after the last post I dithered a bit and then sent him a breezy message.

And he said yes and then asked if other people were invited. And then he said when he could make it. So I've written back saying I wasn't planning to invite anyone else and he hasn't read that yet.

Why is this so scary? I'm CACKING myself.

OP posts:
Pippilangstrompe · 16/01/2014 19:06

Fingers crossed!

fluffyduckie · 16/01/2014 19:07

Good luck!

I am so shy around people, really shy around men, and embarrassingly shy around a man that I like!

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 19:12

Yeah me too. And this isn't like a thing where I just think "ooh might have some sex, that's nice". It's really nerve-wracking.

OP posts:
fluffyduckie · 16/01/2014 19:16

I have a secret crush on a man I sort of kind of know and I just blush and always say something stupid when I see him ..... amazed he hasn't guessed that I have a crush on him really but he probably just thinks I am socially challenged!

It really is nerve wracking! The idea of asking him out terrifies me so you are being really brave!!

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 19:22

I'm asking him in, technically :o)

OP posts:
fluffyduckie · 16/01/2014 19:29

Grin I live with my parents so that would NOT work!

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 19:29

hahaha no!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 20:20

OK, we seem to have established a - I don't want to say date, but date in the sense of a day. You know what I mean. Gah.

OP posts:
Doobiedoobedoobie · 16/01/2014 20:26

That sounds really promising IMO... The only reason I can imagine he'd have asked if other people were invited would be to gauge what kind of an invite it was iyswim so he's probably hoping it'll just be you and him. Squee!

Fluffyduckie, I'm the same ATM with a guy in work. Thankfully I don't work closely with him but while in my head I'd like to be cool and confident but flirty, in reality I find myself blushing and saying silly things then giggling a bit Hmm I'm so so crap at things like this, it's an absolute wonder I ever married ExH tbh.

fluffyduckie · 16/01/2014 20:31

Yay!

If you have any tips - share!

Doobie - It is embarrassing and at the same time kind of crazy as he just doesn't notice me so nothing will happen even though the more I find out about him, the more I like him. Just stuck really!

MadBusLady · 16/01/2014 20:51

Ah, progress! Agree he asked about other people to gauge whether it was a date or not.

Original poster
LoisPuddingLane · 16/01/2014 20:56

I'm not expecting anything, but I shall be insanely nervous on the day. I hope my roast potatoes work.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 16/01/2014 22:26

Good old roast potatoes! Here's hoping they will save the day. Smile

fluffyduckie · 17/01/2014 19:13

Eeeeek! I would be so nervous! You are doing better than me - I would be far too shy to ask my crush out!

MadeMan · 17/01/2014 19:23

Fluffy, could you say to your crush something like, "I have a friend who really likes this man but she isn't sure if he likes her, because men always ask out someone they like, don't they?" Then see what he says.

It might sound a bit school playgroundish, but if you're really shy and scared of being hurt you might be able to drop some big hints by using the 'my friend' tactic.