Asking Men Out

[LoisPuddingLane]

I just wanted some views on this, please. I know that it's the 21st century and we are relatively equal, but I've found asking men out doesn't work. I cannot think of a single time I've asked a man out and they've said yes. There are so many confusing messages in my head.

On the one hand I think why shouldn't women make the first move. OK you get knocked back and it hurts but that's what men have to go through. And then this other part of me is going NO. Men like to be hunters etc and if you ask them out you are taking that away from them.

At the moment I'm dithering hopelessly about asking someone out and keep thinking if he was really interested he would ask me. Which is not a good way forward. Thoughts and experiences...?

Bugger.

LoisPuddingLane - I hope you didn't use such coarse language on your date! Or start talking about your dogs bollocks just as he was taking a bite out of one of your roasters.

He's known me long enough to know I have a foul mouth. But no, I didn't say such things when he was eating my lovingly prepared food.

I'm picturing the guy just taking a bite of his chicken just as the OP says "Those are the dog's bollocks."

Oh so funny. Yes.

Having said all of that, I am particularly shit at picking up cues. I was complaining to a work colleague at an office I visit now and then about space to dry out my wet gear from biking in the rain. She said "Don't worry, I'll dry out your wet stuff." Looked back at her screen and quietly said "Any time." I thanked her v much for being so thoughtful
Relayed this to a matey of mine weeks later. He just looked at me, as if I am a lost cause. . Surely I win some sort of prize.

Aw that is sweet, and painful at the same time. Yes, you can have the prize - leftover slow cooked chicken.

You're not alone Pan. My mates think I'm a lost cause too. I think half of it is not wanting to misread things, commit yourself, then look like a tit.

yes neil that's about it.
Also I tend to be chatty and genuinely interested in what I am talking to someone about, so anything flirty gets graded out as not relevant to the subject in hand. Idiot.

Did you know that women who work in the sales offices in those portacabins you see on new housing developments have their own code for chatting men up? I used to deliver diggers and dumpers to the sites and didn't know what any of it meant. A friend of mine started going out with one of them and he asked her what her and her mates meant when they were looking at some of the blokes and saying, "I'd give him a brew" or "I'd give him a biscuit".
She told him,"a brew meant she was interested in him and would like him to stay and chat, a brew and a biscuit meant she wants to give him one".

So how do you know if someone is a lost-cause bad-cue-picker-upper, or just not interested?

See I'd be offering to put the kettle on and try to rustle up a doily to put under the biscuits.

Lois, I don;t know really. But I do suspect strongly that even 'those without hope' would be cottoning on to your dedications toward the object of your desire, in those circs.

I don't understand what you mean. Could you be clearer please?

I think you might have to ask him, "do you just see me as a friend, or anything else?"
I must admit though, if a woman went to the trouble of cooking a nice meal and inviting me round, I'd be going for a kiss at the end of the night.

I mean whilst some men, such as those here present, are pretty bad at picking up 'cues', the circs with your bloke are fairly clear cut, and even I, or neil, as bad as we are, would be picking up on your invitation to 'romance' without any doubt?

So he's either much, MUCH worse than you; or not interested?

Um...not interested romantically. Seems to be.

Yeah. Shit, poo and arsefuck, if you'll excuse my indelicacy.

There may be lot's of reasons why, if he isn't interested, none necessarily to do with you. Maybe he doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment, maybe he is in love with someone else, maybe he just wants a friend. What did he say as he left?

See you on Facebook

You've made your move, now see if he takes it forward. He has every reason to ask you for a reciprocal dinner. If he does, great, if he doesn't then it really is his loss, chicken dinner sounds yummy. Don't moon over him though, best to move right on.

Lois - Did he leave in a hurry? The chicken wasn't still pink in the middle was it?

For the love of god, don't try to meet a woman by approaching a group of them. NO NO NO. This is the pits of the earth. The message you're basically giving is 'hey ladies, I'd shag any and all of you. Which of you is the most likely to say yes?'

Worst dating approach ever. Even if its blatantly a one night stand you're after, you have to make the woman feel that you fancy her more than you fancy her pals.

This is to the guy on the first page, btw :)

The chicken was amazing and had been done in the slow cooker for five hours. And he said it was delicious. He had seconds. So at least he liked that.