Asking Men Out

[LoisPuddingLane]

I just wanted some views on this, please. I know that it's the 21st century and we are relatively equal, but I've found asking men out doesn't work. I cannot think of a single time I've asked a man out and they've said yes. There are so many confusing messages in my head.

On the one hand I think why shouldn't women make the first move. OK you get knocked back and it hurts but that's what men have to go through. And then this other part of me is going NO. Men like to be hunters etc and if you ask them out you are taking that away from them.

At the moment I'm dithering hopelessly about asking someone out and keep thinking if he was really interested he would ask me. Which is not a good way forward. Thoughts and experiences...?

On yay!! Nice one.

When is the day Lois?

Not this Sunday but next. Which gives me time to lose three stone, obviously...

So funny because dropping a few stones would be my panic too!

Couple of days to go and not panicking YET. I dreamed that he kissed me last night and it was lovely. Sigh.

Well...I don't know if anyone is reading this - probably not. We had a lovely afternoon and talked non-stop. But I'm fairly sure he just doesn't think of me in that way as there wasn't the slightest hint of fancying. And he didn't kiss me goodbye. Ah well. Onwards.

Oh no! I've read the whole thread, hoping it would end well!

Has he had another girlfriend in any of the time you've known him?

Sorry to hear that Lois.

I still don't think if I were in his position I would realise you had asked me out though!

Well it was really a lovely afternoon/early evening. I was so worried that once on our own conversation would dry up but we talked constantly for about 5 hours.

He has never, ever mentioned a woman. I like him so much and I just don't know what else to do now. Nothing, I suppose.

I have to say though, dinner was a triumph. I did chicken in white wine in the slow cooker and loads of roast potatoes.

I'm a bit weepy to be honest. I feel invisible.

Oh I'm sorry

Ignore me if it's just not the right time to go into all this - but I think a recurring feature of the thread has been you making tiny baby steps which feel incredibly significant and exposing to you, and then being disproportionately disappointed when the bloke doesn't respond with a giant, leaping bound.

I'm no expert on getting people interested myself, but that seems to me to be a recipe for beating yourself up.

I think maybe a bit more risk, earlier on, with less chance to invest hopes in it, so that you find out quicker if someone's not interested and then move on, might be easier to deal with.

That's never going to happen, unfortunately. It takes me ages to get up the nerve to do anything, by which point it really is significant - to me. To the other person, maybe not.

Oh well. I've done as much as I can. What I try to remember at times like these is someone I read somewhere about not chasing love that is not freely given. I've done that more times than I care to remember.

something I read, not someone

Oh, snap. I don't know what the answer is really, no idea how some people seem to just be able to manage these things. Do they just stop themselves from liking people who they know don't like them, or are they always able to make whoever they want like them?

I really don't know. I have the worst luck with men and either attract men who want only One Thing, or no-one at all. Still, the chicken was good.

Well, that's something.

Fucking aces, it was. That slow cooker is the bollocks.

Tried to read all of the thread...Y-chrome here. I'd stop focussing on him tbh. Whilst we do like to be asked out, he seems to be not that keen. IF he was he would be re-arranging stuff to ensure it happens.
He doesn't know what he is missing out on. Slow-cooked chicken is indeed ze bollocks of ze dog. As the French say.

You dont actually know he's not interested, though! Take heart! Wait and see what happens next. I would send a text the next morning and say thanks for coming I had a lovely afternoon, hope to do it again or something. Then see what happens. If he's not into you he'll say something really vague or try to brush it off but if he eagerly agrees then he might really like you!

Haha, I'm sure my slow cooker could even make dogs' bollocks tasty.

I think you are right, Pan, sadly. I'll take my roast potatoes elsewhere.

Pan he came round for lunch, nothing happened. But I take your point, I think some kind of advance would have been forthcoming during lunch if he'd been interested.

Unless there was one Lois isn't telling us about

No there was no advancing of any sort. I wore my favourite top with the semi-obvious cleavage, let my hair down during the meal in a very quiet way (not like some bloody shampoo ad) and nothing provoked his manly desires.

oh sorry missed that. Nope, semi-obv cleavage with cascading hair AND delicious chicken...switch off the flashing highway signs for that roadster, I'm afraid.