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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ouch, just been dumped by a friend, come and hold my hand...

132 replies

ruggedhitchhiker · 17/08/2013 13:05

...or slap me, not sure which is best

It happens, I know. But it's happened quite a lot, recently - about 4 in the last few years.

I know not every friendship is for life. People move on, get busy, get bored of your jokes. But I liked this one. And can't really tell what I did wrong this time.

I still have a small circle of lovely (tolerant), funny, kind friends who have known me for yonks and still want to hang out (though a very small circle. Let's call it a circlet). But people I could trust and confide in and wouldn't run away fast into the bushes? Apart from my partner, maybe 2.

Does that make me evil? Or crazy?

Please someone come and tell me that it's similar for them.

I need to go and clean something furiously (if you are on the same train line as me, I can be at your house in 40 minutes).

Awwww

OP posts:
FriedSprout · 22/08/2013 13:08

Ok, I will pledge to station myself at Brambridge GC at 10.30am on Sept 4,5 or 6th Sept t.b.a.

If anyone would like to pm me we can firm up a date Grin

Have teenagers, so will be in need of refreshment by then!

Think Rugged, PeteCambell, Iainekazan, Eve and Running are nearbyish!

If nothing else they do a good Cake

I don't usually bite and am small enough to subdue Grin

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 22/08/2013 14:34

I'm on holiday those 3 dates.

Bloody typical!

eve34 · 22/08/2013 14:42

Im in :-). Will be looking bewildered wondering around the stuff trying not to eat cake. Any date suits me. :-)

FriedSprout · 22/08/2013 14:48

great, ill be the one eating the cakes! will pm you.
and Pete the idea is we all get on sooo well,
we do it again the following week too!
Grin - no excuses!

RubySparks · 22/08/2013 16:37

Hi Tweet, where in Scotland are you? I'm midlothian but suspect a bit older than you, eldest just started S5!

Mum2Fergus · 22/08/2013 20:42

Where's reasonably central for us Jocks then?!

PurplePidjin · 22/08/2013 20:58

Another one between Cherries and Saints here. I have lots of acquaintances but the couple of true friends i have are either manic with their own lives or very far away or both :)

FriedSprout · 22/08/2013 22:21

Come join us Pidjin, enough cake to go around Smile

eve34 · 23/08/2013 07:41

More the merrier. Purple :-)

Doha · 23/08/2013 17:16

I'm in the West as you know Mum2Fergus but willing to travel

Mum2Fergus · 23/08/2013 17:20

Indeed I do Doha...Tweet, Ruby?!x

Tweet2tweet · 23/08/2013 19:40

I'd be up for a meet up if it was in/close to Glasgow....

Tilpil · 23/08/2013 20:15

I have one true friend everyone else I don't have the time of day for really I don't appreciate being walked all over as I tend to help a lot of people and nothing back and to me that shows what type of people they are doesn't help that I can be quiet but once you know me I'm very loud so people can get a bit of a shock once I feel comfortable.

RubySparks · 24/08/2013 22:58

Edinburgh would be great for me if evening, if further away then a daytime /lunchtime at the weekend would be best as I work most of the week. What suits everyone else?

LookingForwardToVino · 24/08/2013 23:08

Nope your not alone, I can only class dp as a friend really (sad I know)

My 'best' friend hasn't actually spoken to me in ages. Not since I sorted my life out etc.

She saw me out with my 6 month old dd the other day and got really excited and friendly, like old times. She said she would visit at 10am the next day and to make sure I was in so we could have a really good catch up...

She never showed.

(Noticed she's put loads of pictures up of her and her new best friend over facebook with lots of gushing comments to each other. Honestly...I felt a little like a jealous ex ha!)

xalyssx · 24/08/2013 23:26

I have literally 5 friends after last week. My supposed friend dropped me because I deleted my Facebook account... Now my 5 friends are DP, my son's dad, my 2 photographers and my friend who is moving to America next year. So yeah it is similar and no you are not evil or crazy.

FriedSprout · 04/09/2013 07:43

Good morning Hampshire people. Thought I'd forgotten eh?

Thursday 10.30 ok?

Will pm you Eve

VivaLeBeaver · 04/09/2013 07:47

I don't have a best friend. I get on with some women in the village quite well and sometimes they might pop ver for coffee but not sure wed be close enough to class as friends.

I get on with work colleagues and think they like me and then they arrange nights out, trips to a spa, etc without telling me.

I think I must be a bit of a weirdy loner.

nerofiend · 04/09/2013 14:41

I'm an only child and my biggest fear in life is to end up with no friends. Funny enough, it seems like a self fulfilled prophecy, as the last five years have been a rollercoaster of little dramas and long silences with many people who I once considered good friends. I ended up dumping one "friend" who was a real rotten apple and consequently I was dumped by two good friends. All a very sorry mess, in one word.

Now I don't believe in those friendship platitudes anymore. The people I meet up with are friends now. I don't know if they will be around forever as much as I'd like that to be the case.

I take each day as it comes. Enjoy the company of people who I interact in the here and now. I do my best to be kind and listen and talk to them but I expect very little in return.

I don't believe in the kind of BFF or friends are forever kind of mantras. I think life and circumstances pull you apart and most of the time it has nothing to do with us.

I try to feel good in myself by being kind to others and do practical stuff for people, like babysitting or taking them out for a meal for their birthdays rather than just sending a facebook message or a text only. If they are happy and they appreciate it, then that's the best I can get from them.

The other day a couple we're quite friendly with cooked a lovely lunch for us and kids. I was grateful for their kindness and look forward to doing the same for them one day soon. Friends forever? I don't know now. But we had a lovely time and I appreciate the effort put into it to achieve that.

FriedSprout · 04/09/2013 17:46

Ok, Hampshire people, we are now going to do coffee and cake next Thursday, thats the 10th September at 10.30 am

Please pm for details.

If anyone would prefer an evening instead/as well please let me know

TheLightPassenger · 04/09/2013 18:26

Viva my god I so relate to your post, about feeling you get on great with people but then it's not reciprocated. I have one good friend locally, otherwise acquaintances and colleagues and a handful of nice friends who live too far away to see more than once or twice a year. But I have ended up shutting myself off socially the last few years to avoid further pain.

MissStrawberry · 04/09/2013 19:00

I have 2 friends from school but they live hours away so all by text now with very occasional meet ups.

One friend is more a pen pal/text friend but we meet maybe every few years (3 times in 17 Shock.)

Two school mums - one I want to get closer too but scared too share and the other I took a leap of faith and spilled and I think it was okay and she hasn't dumped me. She is really lovely so I would be so sad if she did but I don't think she would as she isn't that type of shallow person.

I think it is harder to make friends as you get older as you don't have the shared history you have when you meet at school and if you need support from having a previous hard time it never seems the right time to drop things in a conversation.

VivaLeBeaver · 04/09/2013 19:14

Passenger - its odd isn't it. I can't put my finger on why I don't "fit in". I don't think I'm loud or opinionated. I don't smell.

Everyone at work genuinely seems to like me and even my boss has commented how popular and approachable I am. I take an interest in people and ask them about their family/lives, etc.

Lavenderhoney · 04/09/2013 19:56

Ooh, this thread made me think- and I realised I don't have any close friends anymore.

We are abroad at the moment, and are a lot, so my 2 close friends in the UK have fizzled out- one travels endlessly with work, doesn't have dc and doesn't want any. The other is nice but quite self centred and a dreadful gossip. There is no one I can talk to if things aren't going so well.

Dh travels all the time and works all hours, so I suppose he is my bf, but he has to be. However I can't discuss somethings with him, especially if its about him and I just want an ear. I bottle it all up instead and hope it goes away.

I have friends here, but I don't see them often due to the dc, different schools, travel so its hard to get to the friend you can trust stage. Also I did tell someone something once and she promised not to say anything to anyone, which lasted about 5 minutes after she left. So I am very wary and a bit distant.

Mums of the dc friends are nice, but we are thrown together and chat superficially iyswim. Its such hard work when you know you don't click but can cope for a couple of hours.

If I tell anyone my problems I stress for days after I have been disloyal or they will blab.

Sorry, that was very long!

mrsmindcontrol · 04/09/2013 20:15

I've just noticed mention of a Hampshire meet up...please might I be included? What's the arrangements?