DH slept in same bed as another woman - would you be annoyed?

[onesiebore]

DH was away with work this week for a night and since he's been home he's been a bit odd - a little jumpy and quieter than normal. I asked if something was wrong and he said there was something that he felt I should know but he didn't think I'd be very happy about it although he hadn't done anything.

He'd already told me that his colleague Beth had had to leave early as her Dad had died suddenly while they were away and last night he said that he'd ended up staying in her room to make sure she was ok. Apparently she'd found out when they'd been drinking, had gone to bed upset (had been drinking and couldn't drive), he went to check on her and she'd asked him to stay. He swears nothing happened other than giving her a hug and sleeping next to her.

I believe him that nothing else happened but still feel uneasy about it

Not sure exactly, DH is 40, she's maybe 30. I don't know about flirty she wasn't when I met her but she wouldn't have been would she.

I think I would find it difficult to leave a male colleague in that position. So I can understand how he didn't feel he could leave, and probably just fell asleep.
My only concern would be that they had been drinking....so things might've happened that shouldn't....but frankly, if he took advantage of a grieving woman to get his end away, he's an arse anyway.

I believe your husband.

I would tell him it's important to you that you both keep talking about it and that you feel you can ask him questions until you get your head around it with it becoming off-limits.
I would also feel concerned that there was a closeness here and an emotional intimacy, given how vulnerable and upset she must feel. I'd want me and my husband to spend some extra quality time together.

I reckon you can talk your way through to the other side of this.

Of course I don't know her situation but if I had got a call that my Dad had died I would have left there and then and certainly wouldn't have stayed over at a hotel. I think most people would go straight to their Mum/siblings in these circumstances unless it was absolutely impossible - I would want more details.

Sorry, but I couldn't imagine going to sleep the night that my Dad died. That's just me though, appreciate that everyone is different.

I'd be conflicted by this. With a niggly feeling in my stomach.

If he called her and she didn't answer wouldn't he think 'Poor Beth, she's choosing not to answer her phone, maybe she wants to be left alone?' He does seen to have gone to quite a lot of trouble to involve himself in the situation. Which on the one hand is an admirable thing- as some have said it shows sympathy to a friend/ colleague who has suffered a devastating blow. I mean the death of a parent is a massive massive emotional shock. And physical too I'm sure. So I do see why he would have done this.

However. If his relationship with her was more straightforward wouldn't he have been like the other men - no doubt feeling terrible for her, and a bit awkward, but realising that they weren't really close enough to her to offer much comfort?

I don't know.. I would perhaps just keep those spidey-senses quivering for a bit.

That poor girl though, how awful.

I've only read your OP but I would be raging if that was my DP sleeping in bed with another women

Do you think your dh would fancy her if he was single!

I'm inclined to believe him. But he has crossed boundaries and I would expect him to put a fair bit of distance between himself and Beth now. It is YOUR feelings that now count.

How do you think he would feel if a man had shared your bed to comfort you? What would he say?

I believe your DH but I think he had definitely crossed a line. "I didn't want her to wait up alone" sounds over involved.

I think something happened but prob no more than a drunken kiss. Otherwise your dh wouldn't be acting odd It is probably on his mind.

I have alarm bells and klaxons going off all over the place here.

1. His odd behaviour when he got home.

1. The fact that this bereavement wasn't the first thing he told you.

"Hello darling, how was the work conference?" "Oh it was fine, went really well." (looks a bit shifty)

Several days later "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, Beth's Dad died while we were at the conference. She was really upset, so I spent the night with her, hugging her. Nothing happened though, we kept our clothes on." (looks relieved as you seem to be buying this)

"How was the work conference?" "Oh it was fine but the most terrible thing happened - you know Beth, well she got a call that evening to say that her Dad had died suddenly. She went off to her room, and none of us really knew what to do or say - she wasn't answering her phone, and we thought someone should check she was alright. As you know, we're quite good mates at work, so I said I'd go along and check. She was absolutely distraught, so I gave her a hug and said I'd stay with her if she wanted. She asked me to stay with her for a bit, so I stayed until she fell asleep. Every time I thought she had fallen asleep, she started crying again, so I ended up staying there pretty much all night, which is why I'm so tired today. She got up early and drove back to see her Mum, and I went straight down to breakfast."

It wouldn't bother me IF my DH had come straight home and told me all about it. Her dad dying suddenly does qualify as unusual and emergency circumstancez in my book.

I'd be far more concerned that he'd been cagey about telling you.

I would not be able to sleep if I had been given that news. Too much of this story does not ring true with me, especially the fact that he did not come out with it immediately he got home.

As for the text messages, they could have been agreed on and sent, to provide a cover up.

I assume he knew he had to fess up but was reluctant to do it. He made a mistake. That's for sure, but the precise nature of the mistake is not clear.

merylz- I agree with you, that is sort of what I meant, that my dh is really kind and would go out of his way to help someone but wouldn't be getting into bed with a colleague on impulse to help.

i dunno tbh
i can imagine this happening innocently
i've slept in the same bed with men with nothing even vaguely sexual occurring

(anecdotally a manager in work slept in the same bed as a co worker as she was upset death of her grandmother..they didn't have sex but that was the beginning of an extremely damaging affair)

i think i would ask him why he didn't immediately tell you

If people on here are representative I'm not surprised the poor sod was reluctant to tell .

Seriously, how do you all live in such a constant state of suspicion?

Love watching people tie themselves in knots to make this blatant horseshit 'stack up'.

So, you get a call telling you your father dies, but instead of dropping everything and getting home (cab, lift, train, fucking hitchhike), you go to your hotel bedroom and then later open the door to an older, male, married colleague and ask him to stay with you till dawn (aw, how romantic).

The whole thing is completely and utterly unbelievable.

And as someone said upthread, would he have been so quick to get into bed with a bereaved male colleague (because, apparently, it's so comforting to fall asleep hugging a colleague, and not at all creepy, inappropriate or downright fucking weird).

Op's not spending her life waiting for it to happen, Maryz.
She thinks it may have already happened. If I'd got a tale like that from DH after several days of him looking shifty; I'd think so too.

So what do you suggest the OP does now?

Email Beth saying 'DH told me about the other night.' Nothing more. See what she replies.