DH slept in same bed as another woman - would you be annoyed?

[onesiebore]

DH was away with work this week for a night and since he's been home he's been a bit odd - a little jumpy and quieter than normal. I asked if something was wrong and he said there was something that he felt I should know but he didn't think I'd be very happy about it although he hadn't done anything.

He'd already told me that his colleague Beth had had to leave early as her Dad had died suddenly while they were away and last night he said that he'd ended up staying in her room to make sure she was ok. Apparently she'd found out when they'd been drinking, had gone to bed upset (had been drinking and couldn't drive), he went to check on her and she'd asked him to stay. He swears nothing happened other than giving her a hug and sleeping next to her.

I believe him that nothing else happened but still feel uneasy about it

'I'm sure my opinions would be very different if I wasn't married to someone who has never given me a reason to doubt him. '

So those of us who disagree and hold an opinion different from yours are people who are married to those who have given us reason to doubt them?

LOTS of projecting going on here. LOTS of assumptions rather than opinions.

Ps. I know you trust him but don't feel the need to get so suspicious about it. Not all men are cheating bastards.

Actually, I've asked them to let it stand, so everyone can read it.

But you can offer comfort without getting into bed with someone.

The ones who trust work wives/husbands didn't work in an office where I worked. One married man had an affair with single woman (then left his wife married single woman).

One married woman was having an affair with married man with kids who we were told afterwards his wife was depressed over the affair. The married woman left her husband. I had to be in same hotel room as this woman whilst she was carrying on in bar, try to sneak the married man into our hotel room whilst on site Xmas party.

So yeah work husbands and wives can always be trusted. Lol.

(((((Expat)))))

I agree you can offer comfort without getting into bed, but none of us know the circumstances apart from what op's H has told her.

FWIW, I don't think that those who disagree with me are wrong or cynical or lacking in compassion - just that they take a different view to me. I offer my opinion - that's all I can do.

Expat I lurk so you won't know me but you should walk away from the thread. What's been said to you is unbelievable and no wonder you are upset! I'm raging on your behalf! I hope that everything goes ok tomorrow. Thinking of you a lot.

As for the OPs husband... I dunno, if my husband spent the night in bed with another woman "comforting" her I'd hit the roof. A cuddle fair enough. Sleeping in same room but on floor/chair fair enough. Same bed? Not on, no need for that. Kindness for others is one thing but he should have had more respect for his wife.

You are making assumptions about other peoples' relationships, Maryz.

I used the word "cuddled " instead of the word I would normally use as it is usually translated as cuddle. It does mean a sort of hug. I wasn't intending to inflame things -sorry. But anyway I agree with expat's post, in that there is no way I would share a bed with a married man if there was any alternative place for either of us to sleep . I can see that others of you feel differently, but can only put my feelings and experience forward.
I also trust my husband fully. i have never felt the need to check his 'phone or email. I am happy for him to go off and have lunch with one of his female school mates. But if he ever came home and behaved like this I would be really concerned.

So sorry expat shocking post to you and thinking of you.

Exactly Cheeky. DH's respect for me and our relationship is higher in his priority list than a female colleague however upset. Comfort yes, offer assistance yes, stay in bed with her all night - no.

To the OP whatever happened, probably nothing, something very well might and the realtionshop is sadly, clearly closer than you realised.

I would be upset about the follow up phone call - I would want to know what was said.

Sorry for this happening to you.

I thought if they were close enough to share a bed than he would be close enough to attend the funeral. In our office we tend to only attend the funeral of a spouse not a partner.

We spent last night in the company of a mate who is nearly 17 years on from his son's loss, ever, age 19. 'Thing is, people say all kinds of shite to you when you lose a child.' Words of wisdom.

Still find what this colleague asked and what he did bang out of order.

You can trust someone 100% & they betray you, and you can not trust someone and they don't betray you. Trust is not relevant here, only facts.

expat I think of you and Aillidh often. I don't think any of us who were on mumsnet when she was ill will ever forget her. I am so very sorry she is gone.

Before everybody piles into Chipping, I think they should bear in mind that she is no stranger to bereavement herself. I did not read her post as anything other than saying that raw wild grief can require extraordinary comfort, and she was surprised that expat did not share her view.

That is all it is- a difference of opinion. People obviously don't react alike, and it's perfectly possible for someone to believe they would welcome the comfort of a close colleague, just as it is perfectly possibly to experience the most awful grief yet feel sure they would never share a bed with somebody else's husband.

It was not a personal attack. We are all different.

expat. That comment was really uncalled for.

If this was my dh I would believe him, however, I would still think it was really unnecessary and would feel it had crossed boundaries. I really don't think dh would do that. If he did, though, I'd assume good reason to.

I do think that in order to sleep in a bed with someone you'd usually have a close enough relationship to do that. Definitely close enough to go to the funeral IMO. I would certainly wonder why I was unaware of such a close relationship my dh had.

You know what, BOF, in light of your last comment, I will ask HQ to get rid of it because it was very upsetting to me, especially the 'you of all people'.

And if you are on my FB, please block me.

Because that was AWFUL an awful thing to say to someone who lost a child. There is nothing in the world as incredibly awful, in the entire world, than your child's death. Just NONE.

And she brought that up and used it on me because I disagreed with her opinion, when I hadn't even mentioned her personally.

Report away if you'd like, folks.

Because it's just, like ever points out, something bereaved parents have to put up with on top of everything else: people just say whatever the fuck they want to us, online and in person, a lot more times than you'd think.