DH slept in same bed as another woman - would you be annoyed?

[onesiebore]

DH was away with work this week for a night and since he's been home he's been a bit odd - a little jumpy and quieter than normal. I asked if something was wrong and he said there was something that he felt I should know but he didn't think I'd be very happy about it although he hadn't done anything.

He'd already told me that his colleague Beth had had to leave early as her Dad had died suddenly while they were away and last night he said that he'd ended up staying in her room to make sure she was ok. Apparently she'd found out when they'd been drinking, had gone to bed upset (had been drinking and couldn't drive), he went to check on her and she'd asked him to stay. He swears nothing happened other than giving her a hug and sleeping next to her.

I believe him that nothing else happened but still feel uneasy about it

Helly - fair enough, that's you, not me & seemingly not Beth...

I am sorry to hear about your Dad, it really is shitty isn't it :(

'No Expat he wasn't. If what he says happened, happened, then no, he's not. He's a decent bloody human being giving comfort to another one at a terrible time. I am suprised at this attitude coming from you of all people tbh.'

From me of all people? Yes, I lost a little child. Every single day it makes my heart die to think I will never see her again.

But I would never EVER in a million years EVER considered it appropriate to share a bed with a married man. There are many other ways for people to comfort one another. I would never ever dream of asking another married man to stay with me over night in a bed. Not ever.

I would not my husband to do this, he would not like me to do this, and I certainly would not dream of doing this with another person's spouse.

No matter how fucking devestated I was. And I live with a bomb blast for a heart every.single.fucking.day.

Well, i trust my DH not to shag someone else. If he'd been in this situation it would not bother me, i would be disappointed if he didnt comfort a friend who had lost her parent because he thought i would be angry. Wanting human contact isnt always about sex !

If something had happened i dont think he would have mentioned it at all

Nope, I would not have gone near the bed. And I have sobbed in the arms of another married man after our child died. His did, too, and his wife's. I love her, too. I do not and never would ask him, 'Stay with me,' and approach a bed. It just wouldn't happen.

Many years ago I shared a bed with a very close male friend when I was just starting my relationship with DP. Nothing happened but I never told DP. Because I didn't want the friendship or the relationship to end, and honesty wasn't as important as it is now we have a mortgage and children. I also think it was my mistake to bear and I would just have hurt him to tell him.
I wouldn't do it now, but would trust him if he told me what your DP has told you. I would believe him if I had no reason to mistrust him. I think him telling you in instalments is because he knows he crossed a line in intimacy, not because he had sex with her. I think he may be too close to her, and perhaps you should talk about that. I think you should believe him about not having sex, otherwise you will go mad.

Oh, and because I lost my child I'm no longer entitled to have an opinion on such matters? Low, that was below the belt.

I'd believe him, but think what they both did was inappropriate.

Fucking hell.

What a horrible way so many women live, distrusting their partners so.

I have lost my father, and it does leave you feeling very vulnerable and small. In those circumstances, sex was about as far from my mind as it is possible to get (and I was very young, normally highly sexed and in bed with my dh).

I did, however, very much need to be held. Dh was ideal, but if he had not been there I can imagine that a friend, including a male one, would have been a welcome support.

I have also slept in the same bed as male friends a couple of times. I do have a number of good non-sexual relationships with males. All of my relationships except one, in fact, are non-sexual. Receiving support at a time when I was bereft would not in any way lead to them becoming sexual.

If dh was in this situation I would be reassuring him that he had done the right thing.

This thread is a real eye-opener.

So many liberal wives, thrilled that their husbands might spend a night away at a work conference comforting a young, attractive colleague by sleeping in her bed all night.

It's like fucking Stepford on here sometimes.

I'm kind of disgusted, tbh, ever, probably shouldn't be but it's the memorial service for all the children who've died in the past 5 years in the unit where our child was treated tomorrow. Only 5 years, otherwise we'd be there all day.

I disagree, I think it's inappropriate, but how surprising, eh, from someone who's lost her child?

Oh, okay, so finding it inappropriate also means you are distrustful and compassionless.

Whore, instead tell him you are going to spend the night sharing a bed being comforting. See what he thinks. Mine did that look where he raises his eyebrow.

I did ask him what he'd have done.

'I don't think that's really appropriate. I'll be on the sofa'.