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Original poster

DH slept in same bed as another woman - would you be annoyed?

658 replies

onesiebore · 17/08/2013 11:07

DH was away with work this week for a night and since he's been home he's been a bit odd - a little jumpy and quieter than normal. I asked if something was wrong and he said there was something that he felt I should know but he didn't think I'd be very happy about it although he hadn't done anything.

He'd already told me that his colleague Beth had had to leave early as her Dad had died suddenly while they were away and last night he said that he'd ended up staying in her room to make sure she was ok. Apparently she'd found out when they'd been drinking, had gone to bed upset (had been drinking and couldn't drive), he went to check on her and she'd asked him to stay. He swears nothing happened other than giving her a hug and sleeping next to her.

I believe him that nothing else happened but still feel uneasy about it

OP posts:
MikeOxard · 17/08/2013 20:22

BOF - No that's not normal. You might go to a close colleague's funeral (maybe not even that), but you certainly wouldn't normally go to the funeral of a colleague's family member!

curlew · 17/08/2013 20:25

I think it would be very unusual to go to a colleague's father's funeral.

Floggingmolly · 17/08/2013 20:27

I think you would send flowers or a mass card, though, if you were close. And that's the point, isn't it? They appear to be too close for comfort.

Jovellanos · 17/08/2013 20:29

If you're close enough to spend the night comforting someone by sleeping with them, you're close enough to go to the funeral.

Every time Beth thinks of the death of her father, she's going to remember OP's DH's arms around her. It will be an abiding memory for the rest of her life. How lovely. Hmm

EasyMark · 17/08/2013 20:30

I would

  1. check her fb or tweet page
  2. check the unanswered calls or txt from that night ask to see the phone bill.
  3. tell dh you need reassurance because you didnt know they were that close as friends/coworkers
forehead · 17/08/2013 20:31

I actually don't think he slept with her.
However, I do believe that your dh and Beth have feelings
for each other. There is definitely more to this.

BOF · 17/08/2013 20:32

I think it's reasonable that the OP's husband would know when the funeral was though, isn't it? I would have thought that Beth would be in touch with work about it too, so they know when to expect her back.

diddl · 17/08/2013 20:37

I can believe that they didn't have sex.

I've slept in the same bed as a male friend without having sex-the feelings just weren't there.

There could be feelings here, or OPs husband might just have felt really bad for her.

I do think that it's odd that he went after her though-to what purpose?

curlew · 17/08/2013 20:38

"There is definitely more to this."

You do realise that there are real people here. This isn't Eastenders or Big Brother. This is a real couple that you appear to have detailed knowledge of. Aren't you stopping for one second to think what the cumulative effect of all this hideous suspicion might be having on the OP?

rubyrubyruby · 17/08/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGinLushMinion · 17/08/2013 20:43

I wouldn't find this acceptable at all & DH knows this.

I'm also uncomfortable with the fact he kept it from you until you asked about his odd behaviour...

ChippingInHopHopHop · 17/08/2013 20:43

I have been close to people I have worked with - both male and female. I have only been 'involved' with single men, but I have had close friendships with married ones. Nothing at all that crossed any lines. If I had been in her situation when my Dad died, I would have been eternally grateful to be with one of them and if they had come to see if I was OK I would have probably had a melt down on them and been very very glad of them staying with me.

Perhaphs those worrying haven't yet been through the loss of a parent?

I am incredibly suspicious normally, but in this situation, without any previous cause for concern, I'd just be very happy to have such a lovely DH. It would have been horrible to leave her alone and in her situation you want company, warmth, care... not someone kipping on the floor 12 feet away. She wasn't 'scared' of someone breaking in, she had just lost her Dad...

Yes - it could be a crock of shit, but you know what, we don't always have to assume the worst of people. You know your DH - is this what he's normally like???

YoniSingWhenYoureWinning · 17/08/2013 20:44

I trust my husband BECAUSE he would never share a bed with another woman.

Some of you would have no problem with their husband spending the night with another woman in their arms? Really and truly? You would see that as being a supportive friend?

Back2Two · 17/08/2013 20:44

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This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

ChippingInHopHopHop · 17/08/2013 20:48

When my Dad died, people I used to work with came (I wasn't working in the same country when he died, so current colleagues couldn't come). They came to support me through something terrible I had to go through. Nothing unusual in that.

expatinscotland · 17/08/2013 20:52

She was completely inappropriate and he was, too.

Maryz · 17/08/2013 20:52

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 17/08/2013 20:53

Thanks Back.

I find it really sad that so many DH's 'know this wouldn't be acceptable'... if what he said happened, happened - how could you possibly find it unacceptable? One human being giving comfort to another human being going through something terrible (however, I suppose until you have been through it, its hard to understand just how devastating it is). He was comforting her, not having sex with her

If he's lying, then it's the lying that's the problem - not if what he said happened, happened.

BOF · 17/08/2013 20:54

I trust my husband BECAUSE he would never share a bed with another woman.

Exactly.

WhoreOfTheWorlds · 17/08/2013 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 17/08/2013 20:56

No Expat he wasn't. If what he says happened, happened, then no, he's not. He's a decent bloody human being giving comfort to another one at a terrible time. I am suprised at this attitude coming from you of all people tbh.

Maryz · 17/08/2013 20:57

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everlong · 17/08/2013 20:57

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hellymelly · 17/08/2013 20:58

Chipping-I have been through the loss of my father, pretty recently. And although I was truly devastated, I still would not have cuddled up in bed with a married male friend even if said man was an incredibly close and completely platonic friend of many years standing and I was single. I do have several male friends who fit that brief, and I really don't think I would have slept in a bed with them. I also think they would have felt very awkward in a bed with me. I would imagine their wives would not be madly happy either. On the floor or sofa- maybe. Hugging on a bed? Nope.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 17/08/2013 20:59

Honestly, if I had been in Beth's position when I found out my Dad had died, then I would have been held & comforted by the bell-boy, let alone someone I actually knew. It's not like she chose the OP's DH over her friends and family - he was the only/best option she had for a few hours until she could drive to be with friends/family.