H and I have married for 7 years. We are totally different people - I am very easy going, he is a perfectionist. We are total opposites in pretty much every way. He is also very hot tempered and when he loses his temper says I am to leave him alone until he calms down so I never get to explain my side of the argument
This year, after countless ivf attempts we gave birth to dd (now 15 weeks) from the outset, he was openly 'amazed' that I didn't automatically know what to do. At one point he said he was worried about going back to work and leaving me, though he did apologise for saying that the following day. I was told by the midwife/hv/GP etc that I was doing a great job. (I'm 41 btw and spent mat of my teenage years babysitting, though admittedly not babies.)
He went back to work, and everything was fine until last week (he actually acknowledged at one point I was doing an excellent job). Then he following things happened:
- dd was on a low ottoman I use to change her on, when she managed to kick back and push herself onto the changing bag below. She fell a few inches. I was distraught and called h to say I was taking her to A&E. h reassured me she was fine (and she is)
- I put the bins out. H asked me where dd was when I did it. I said she was in the house. He said I shouldn't leave her. Fair enough.
- I ran a bath for dd that h said was too hot. Unforgivable of me.
This evening we went out to a BBQ with some friends. We got back an hour and a half ago and decided to give dd a quick bath. Following the earlier incident I bought a bath thermometer. When running the bath the temp was always 36/37 degrees. H tested the water before putting dd in. On putting her in she cried. I am convinced she was overtired ( I am typing this from her room as she won't settle). H does not believe in overtired as a concept. (We had been bathing her at 9pm but she has been too tired so I tried to move it forward. I explained to h that everything I read suggests dd can't go longer than 2 hours awake so we need to be thinking of putting her to bed earlier. H replied I read too many books and that was absolute rubbish.
H says te bath water was too hot and iam not to be trusted. I tried to explain about her being overtired, but he just said if I had admitted I was wrong he could have understood it, but my further denials only prove I am deluded and in a world of my own. He say she is considering getting a childminder in.
I don't know if I truly am a shit mum, or if im being gaslighted, or both. I don't know what to do as he makes me doubt myself, then tells me I'm indecisive or weak.
Sorry this is so long..