devastated

[MummyTo1PlusBump]

As some of you will already know off the antinatal posts im 12 weeks pregnan with a 14 month old ds.

Well last night i recieved a knock on the door from a woman saying ive been asked to give you this, it was a note saying my wife has been sleeping wiht your dh for some time and we are divorcing because she says its love apparently, heres her number, ask her.

So i phoned the number and a woman answered, when i asked if she was sleeping with my dh she said im not answering any of your questions ask him. I then phoned him who denied it and only admitted to sleeping with her when i asked him to swear on ds's life, he says its not from her dh as they split up 2 years ago and no way is it love, he says it was a stupid mistake a one off never to be repeated, she has then apparently been stalking him via phone and when he brushed her off she has resorted to this.

Anyway i then chucked him out at about 3am and he went to his sisters, we hardly have sex as it is, he says cause hes always tired but if thats the case then why did he fuck here.

I dont know what to do ive been up all night crying, havent slept so sorry for any typos, i dont know where to turn, i moved 300 miles from my friends and family to be with him and i cant cope with it, i think i believe what he is saying to me but i cant trust my own judgment anymore, he swears on ds that it is the only time its happened, i love him dearly but my world has been shattered by this what can i do.

Thank you for reading so far

no worries my dear! You have to put your self 1st for now. If you want things to work out they will eventually. Oh dearie try not to eat crap food, it will lower you seratoin 'good feel' Sooooo, tomorrow if you have the time, buy vegs like celery, carrotts and dips, elder flower cordial, fat free crisps, low fat chocolate mouse, any-fruit you love and some new music...feel good music...I listen to Stevie Wonder, snow patrol, killers, aretha frankin REALLY load. After shopping feed 14month old, and play your new music and you can both move around/dance together...change your routine if you can...are there any mumsnet meetings-near you? 'I will survive' Gloria Gaynor. big hugs again

Hi mummytooneplus bumb, hows it going this morning. Just wanted to say my dh left when I found out because I needed the space to think without having to look at him. But within two days I wanted him home, crazy as it sounds I wanted him to hold me in his arms it was as if by doing so he was proving that it was me he really wanted. I guess what im trying to say is trust your instincts if you feel you want him home then have him home. I probably cried more with him being home and sometimes when I looked at him I hated him for what he had done and taken from our relationship. Can you go out together even if its only to the park sometimes different surroundings makes it easier to talk (if its only for an hour) and it gives you a change of scenery and some fresh air too.

Going out soon so will check in on you later. Do you know when this was happening to me and people like maturer and granerybeck were offering advice to me I never thought I would be in any kind of rational state to offer anyone advice but hey here we are a year on so it does get better

Thanks longwayto go, im still a bit of a mess this morning, im not thinking rationally ive just sent her a text saying thats for trying to ruin my family for your bit of fun, that she was just a shag, shes a dirty little whore and that i will fuck up her life as she has mine, i mean how rational is that, i feel like im losing the plot!

Oh Mummyto1plusbump. Don't beat yourself up about that text. It is entirely natural to want her to hurt like you are hurting. I did exactly the same thing.
It won't do any good but makes you feel momentarily better. I think you are doing incredibly well sweetheart. Please try to get some food down your neck I lost SO much weight and looked terrible and you have that bump to think about. But I understand why food is the last thing on your mind.
Trust your instincts on this one. If you want him home then ask him home but it is going to be an absolute rolercoaster. One second you will be desperate for him to hold you, the next moment you will want to stab him!
But ride this horrible horrible storm. You need to keep reminding yourself that you have done NOTHING wrong. I'm sure you are constantly going over and over in your mind what it is you have done or could have done to prevent this. Nothing is the answer. You can hold your head up high.
But just getting through the day is an achievement at this point. Keep going sweetheart. And whatever happens-keep posting. Mumsnet got me through and it will get you through.
Lots of love.

Hi this anger at the moment which is getting you through.This will make you feel normal.I teaxt her saying that she was a crap shag, blew up a picture of her and made posters underneath it read " this woman will pretend to be you friend but she is after your husband beware" i put them on all the lamposts up our road and near the school.I wrote husband thief on her car in lipstick, slit open her bin bags at 4 in the morning and spread them around her garden.Pulled all the plants out of her planter and called her a slag and ugly everytime she walked past my house or hung her washing out.I of course beat her up too.I keyed his car and got hold of his mobile and text all his business contacts and told them " I have been a bad boy and have been caught with my pants around my ankles with the woman next door.
I was so so mad.I wouldn't recomend this to anyone and this so not like me at all.Don't do these things.Did I make you feel sane then L.O.L
You will get calmer

lol thanks, she sent me a text back and told me she had contacted the police and they told her to advise me not to send her abusive texts or they would become involved (like fuck she did)i know shes at work right now, she works in a garage im so tempted to go and punch her face in but i know i have to think of the bump and thats really hard cause i cant do what i want to do, i have made up some business cared with to shag a slag call ......... funtime no comebacks on it and im going to put them everywhere lol, im going insane i know i am

Be very careful
Don't do anything please. I know you feel like it now but I was lucky I never got in trouble.When I think back I could of got in a lot. It will piss her of more if you act like you don't give a toss and she sees you and your husband united together.I can't advise you I know because It made feel better at the time but think of your children and don't get into trouble because I reckon this woman will take action against you she sounds like a bitch.She will keep that text to show the police if anything else happens.I know you must be filled with rage right now.

The dirty little slag has now phoned his company and told them that she is being harassed by text at work (ie the one i sent her and i think his sister has sent her a few) and he could now lose his job, i hate him for doing this to this family the fucking total fuckwitted cunt!! sorry for the rant i just had to get that off my chest

she works in a garage and he delivers the fiel the bunny boiling bitch

I often felt like doing something to her but think I achieved much more by totally ignoring her. Btw my husband did loose his job and we lost our house basically our whole security but however hard it gets and whatever the consequences you do get there slowly, slowly ever so slowly and I remember maturer telling me that baby steps were the way to go and it was one step forward and two back for a long, long time.

I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. Another mumsnetter here who's dh has had an affair with a colleague. We'd just emigrated when I found out this one. I left the US and went back home as he wanted a separation however, have come back. He sees her everyday and they keep rining each other. Great isn't it. Know exactly what you're going through as many do. Sadly I can't confront the b*h as I want to get my green card and stay here, but when I've that I will be after some kind of revenge, stupid or not. Keep strong, we're all here to support.

he has been around today and i have decided that i do want to make things work with him, there are still a few more hurdles, like when he brings him phone home from work on monday for me to see as i want to see if she has contacted him since all of this(as he contacted her from this phone and her him etc)so i have asked him to come back as i dont thing anything can be sorted out if we are apart and ive also booked us a session with relate as i know our relationship before the affair wasnt brilliant and i think we need to sort out those problems as well as the affair iykwim, i dont know if i am doing the right thing or not but i guess time will tell, im still devastated over whats happened but know that its not worth wrecking what was in effect a nice family life we had together (although i may change my mind)and hopefully we will sort out the problems and face them together

agree with FioFio he needs to tell his comany what is going on.Can he not be the one that delivers anymore.What has it got to do with his company anyway that she is getting texts?

the company cannot take this place off him as the planning is done in hungary or somewhere like that, i know what you mean about his company though there is no way they should be able to pin it on him as he is not the one who has sent any texts, weve had quite a good chat tonight (hes upstairs at the min)and hopefully we will be able to work through this, he has said if the place is on his work schedule then he will try to switch his work around so that he doesnt have to see her, there are quite alot of things that have come out today that proves she was lying, ie saying it began at the beginning of april where it was more the middle/end, i will keep you all uodated as to how things go, ive told him im not making any promises but we will se how it goes

He has told his boss what has been going on and she want to have a chat with him on moday, so we will see what happens then. im still really upset but i think i am pulling myself together a little bit.

Good girl. You are sounding stronger by the minute. You are doing so so well.

well done you. But please don't be surprised if you get up in the morning and it feels so new and you angry, upset etc. like I said earlier one step forward, little by little, and the next time you take a step back it wont be quite so far and eventually you will feel like your getting there, but for now go with the roller coaster of a ride that it is

Well ive woke up this morning and i feel like shit, i feel stupid that i asked him to come back, i feel so weak, im not ready for this i should never had done it, i want to ask him to go again but i feel cruel like im messing him about

mummyto1plusbump - whatever you do must be right for you at the moment - regardless of how it makes him feel

he made this mistake not you

if you feel he must leave thats what you need to tell him babe

dont feel stupid - your not, your confused which you have every right to be

x

I just cant handle the pain of what has happened, i cant stop crying, hes still asleep at the moment and i feel so alone, im trying to keep it together for my ds but its so hard, im scared if i tell him to go he will go to her ( although he has tried to assure me that this isnt the case) i still feel that what if hes not being honest etc! im sorry for the rant i just find it helps to put it all down on paper so to speak

oh sweety, my heart goes out to you.... i remember that fear. the sickly feeling of if he didnt stay under the same roof i would be less likely to know where he wa and he could be with "her"

but babe, it gets to a point if he wants to be with "her" he will find other means and ways

dont have him stay for solely only that reason

please do what is right for you, for your health and sanity

and sweety rant as much as you want, people here care and they listen

x

This will be when you know that he is truley sorry, loves you and wants you. If you read that page I posted that someone that is sorry will put up with seeing all the hurt they have caused and will do what you want.Do what you feel is right for you sweetheart.