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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

sex issue (not fri, but it did happen last night)

106 replies

theonlysaneinthevillage · 10/08/2013 20:06

OK. This is going to be a little tmi, but there is no way around it. Sorry.

Last night whilst dp and I were having sex, I let out air. I was on top and bouncing and every bounce was having this affect, as beforehand he had been behind.

I knew that it wouldn't stop until all the air was out. I was a little embarrassed, but the 4 or 5 jd's and coke helped to take the edge off. Grin

I told him that unless I pushed it out, it would just keep doing it. So we stopped I got up (I was on top) and pushed. It did it a few more times, and then we resumed, without further incident.

Today, however, I have been told by dp that it is disgusting, I am disgusting and I should have gone to the bathroom to push it out and not done it in front of him.

I'm not sure whether being with dp for over 10 years and having 3 kids is clouding my judgement or whether he is being really immature.

To me it wasn't something I can control, it is purely air and doesn't contain gas, so no smell and if I would have tried to get to the bathroom, it would have just come out anyway!

I feel quite humiliated tbh.

Is he being unreasonable or me?

OP posts:
Tiredemma · 10/08/2013 20:07

Who do you think?

Greenkit · 10/08/2013 20:09

If that was me and dh we would have just pissed ourselves laughing, perhaps your dh needs to lighten up.

Fairylea · 10/08/2013 20:11

Well he is being an arse. If you carried on it obviously didn't bother him THAT much.

Dh and I just giggle over stuff like that.

maras2 · 10/08/2013 20:21

He's very rude and an idiot.We've been making love for 45 years and this happens quite often.My DH. thinks that it's funny.We both manage to laugh at a few things when DTD. now we're getting old.Tell him to lighten up.

LifeIsSoDifferent · 10/08/2013 20:24

When I read your OP I thought if you have been together a couple of months then maybe he's an idiot and your just finding that out but after 10 years and 3 kids what do either of you have that the other hasn't seen?

He needs to grow up

LifeIsSoDifferent · 10/08/2013 20:24

There's no reason at all why you should feel humiliated Thanks

GoingUpInTheWorld · 10/08/2013 20:28

My god! Hes really over reacting. IMO you should be able to poo in front of your husband, and wipe your bottom in front of him.

You should be very comfortable around your husband or long term partner.

GoingUpInTheWorld · 10/08/2013 20:29

And he cant of been that disgusted if he wanted to carry on straight afterwards and he didnt lose his hard on over it.

lovelyredwine · 10/08/2013 20:33

I agree with greenkit. This has happened to me before; DH and I have nearly had to stop mid session as we've been pissing ourselves laughing too much.

Your dp is being weird.

ErrNoThanks · 10/08/2013 20:34

I don't think you have anything to be humiliated over at all. What a dick.

I would tell him you're pretty hurt by what he's said and that you aren't sure you're comfortable about any further sex in case it happens again tbh.

grumpalumpgrumped · 10/08/2013 20:36

Good lord, we laugh about it. IMO it usually means a good session! He need to get over it.

If you have 3 children with him. I am sure he has seen/heard worse? Hmm

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/08/2013 20:36

He is definitely being unreasonable. FFS this happened back when DH and I were teenagers and we still just laughed and thought nothing of it.
Has it really never happened before now?

Are you sure he's not confused and he thought you were farting?

tallwivglasses · 10/08/2013 20:37

Has he never heard of fanny farts? Tell him he's a prick.

maras2 · 10/08/2013 20:37

It's so common that it has a name, Queef.I think that this makes us laugh more than the noise itself. :)

zippey · 10/08/2013 20:39

I think Your DH has a point, depends on his personal behaviour. Does he break wind in front of you or does he do a shit without closing the bathroom door, or pick his bogies?

If the answer is no then he prob thinks its a private act. It's good that he was able to tell you how he felt, and sometimes you can't help how you feel.

Obviously your not at fault either but if I were you I'd take it in and just be wary for next time.

SignoraStronza · 10/08/2013 20:39

A bit of queeffing never did anyone any harm Grin - I'm surprised this is the first time it's happened to you. Your husband is behaving like an arse. He should have just laughed it off.

Branleuse · 10/08/2013 20:43

oh god, how mean of him. This happens to everyone. Its just one of those things. Some positions, you just get air trapped. Youve got nothing to be embarrassed about. He's an arse. Dont bother having sex with HIM again.

Original poster
theonlysaneinthevillage · 10/08/2013 20:44

Amazing - no, he used the term fanny fart. But the way he said it, I think he thinks it the same thing. As if I have control and could have just held it in.

He said something along the lines of, 'you fanny farted on top of me, and you don't think that's disgusting' ( in a mad tone, because I had told him I was annoyed with him for saying it was disgusting previously)

When I said , it has never happened before, or maybe a long time a go once, he said yes but you've started it now. Which makes me think he thinks its like regular farting and I'm now not showing some restraint because we've been together years, whereas before I did. If that makes sense?

Maybe he doesn't get that its not conscious or controllable?

OP posts:
GladToBeBack · 10/08/2013 20:45

This reply has been deleted

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Cheeseatmidnight · 10/08/2013 20:47

I think you need to draw his a diagram of air being pumped (by HIM) with nowhere for it to go... Where does he think it is going to go, and how can it stay in there when he is in there...

AnythingNotEverything · 10/08/2013 20:50

I think you should turn this back on him and tell him you don't appreciate him pumping you full of air.

FFS, at its basest level, sex is pretty disgusting (although great fun etc) and you have to expect a level of bodily fluid and noises. Everyone farts by accident during sex occasionally, surely?

Just one of those things. Tell him to grow up.

sameoldIggi · 10/08/2013 20:56

I've only noticed this happening since having dcs. You are not at all disgusting OP, just practical!
Otoh I can't talk as I get so worried about accidentally doing the-other-sort that I can't relax.

Viking1 · 10/08/2013 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotDogWater · 10/08/2013 21:05

I kind of see his point. Not that it happend but that you got up and let it out on him that's a bit much.
Sorry but you did ask and that's my opinion.

notanyanymore · 10/08/2013 21:05

Its due to him all that air was up there in the first place FFS! Tell him, 'well we'll find out if I can do it on purpose won't we... because if I can, next time it'll be on your face!'
or not, that conversation probably wouldn't end well

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