The Dating Thread - episode 61

[lurkinglorna]

BOOM!

Thank you :) am allowing myself quick mope (and hoping he's back home soon so I know he's back safe :))

Won't see him for at least about 10 days as we're not back from holiday until 24th but will be in touch a lot .

XH coming up here on Friday for a couple of nights which will be interesting. Will be grinning and bearing it I think. Just had a text from him wishing me a happy wedding anniversary (would have been married 14 years today). Really should have realised that the day before we got married was Friday 13th...

Fox he sounds like a real charmer.... Yikes!

Title I think "having much luck on here?" Is pretty standard from the POF men around these parts, I'm never quite sure what they are hoping to hear... "No! Thank god you contacted me, as I am pretty desperate!", or "yes! Get to the back of the queue" ??

Anyway sounds like you have some interesting leads there, hope dates go well!

Miranda, glad your time all together went so well! Tonight will be the worst for missing him.... just think starfish when you go to bed.

Hopped on to POF tonight as I had two messages from the other nice guy I'd been chatting to. Thought I'd drop him a message to say that I was off the dating scene for a while etc etc (I'm possibly not, but wasn't feeling it and it feels like a valid excuse right now).... But his second message (less than 24 hrs after the first) was, "Something I said?". Well, it wasn't, until you sent that second message... Oh well, saved me the bother of sending him a gentle reply. Blocked!

Good luck to all of you who have kids and other people's kids waiting for results tomorrow

I have been asked many times on OD if I'm having much luck. I'm never sure how to aanswer!

If mr hot abs cold fails you lot can select some OD folk for me

The "having much luck?" Question is, I think, an attempt to bond a bit over some of the rubbish messages you'll have had. You're supposed to reel off a load of funny/awful things you've received and both laugh at other people, whilst proving neither of you are like that yourself.

I think

"Having much luck" is the OD version of asking about the weather. Lazy. I don't like it, most of my non-success stories haven't been hilarious disasters and I don't want to bitch about someone for the crime of being a bit meh. Plus, the much luck brigade tend to be on the socially awkward spectrum themselves. They overlap with the 'hugely embarrassed to be doing OD' group, who don't seem to get there's nothing attractive about someone who is always going to be slightly ashamed of how you met.

I'll translate if i may?

'Stuck up' = absolutely out of my league
'Judgemental' = not willing to accept any old bullshit because I possess the wonder of a Penis.

Nameless is over at mine for a couple of days as DCs away. we were going to possibly go camping, but weather a bit meh, so the general plan is to not get dressed until Saturday, eat a lot of toast and laze around. [perfect]

I agree with Billl. Give us a break on this - generally the onus is on us to make the first approach, read the profiles, come up with something unique and witty and charming and amusing but not zany, just so you'll notice us and respond. Sometimes inspiration fails us so we fall back on the OD equivalent of 'do you come here often'

We know its not the best opening line (probably), but its far better than 'heeeeeyyyy' or the judgementalism

Oh lovely snape

That's how I took the 'much luck' comment to be. Plain damn lazy. I always take something from the person's profile and start a conversation with that whereas all that shows to me is they've either not bothered to read my profile or they have but found nothing worthy of a comment. Neither of which is attractive!

So... I've had messages from Widower and Tesco to wake up to and just had a text from Lawyer. It's quite nice feeling in demand Still nothing from Shiftworker so I'm not sure if he'll be in touch again. Not that bothered to be honest. I think my favourite two currently are L and W - the ones I have dates with.

On another note... I've just been told off by my 6yo. In my slatternly way I had left my wine glass on the kitchen table last night and he's just looked at it and said 'now mummy - do we think it's a good idea to leave wine glasses on the table overnight?'

Bant I'm not one of those who waits for someone else to make the first approach. I would in RL, but with OD I feel much more confident to be able to make a move and take rejection without melting down...

title - but remember from our perspective, 90% of women wait for men to make the first move. If we sat and waited for them to approach us, we'd get few messages and spend our time weeding out the weirdos (as you lot have to do).. So we approach the decent ones. And there are quite a few decent ones so we either copy and paste something generic, spend our time writing something to make someone feel unique and interesting without seeming overly flowery, or fall back occasionally on a casual opener like 'much luck'

Yes it's lazy, but crafting all these personalised emails is hard work when you do it several times a day with little return on investment..

I'm not sure I had "much luck?" as an opener that often, but there were a couple of points in my profile that men always seemed to go for as a hook. I think it's helpful to think about that if you're writing a profile, it's the written equivalent of looking available.

I think I had people asking me if I'd had much luck and also I possibly sked them too. I saw it as a how's the weather type thing.

I also didn't realise most women waited for men to do the contacting and just went for it myself

Mr Nice's DS has got into his first choice university :) Think his grades were down on what he needed but they obviously wanted him :)

Oh congratulations Mr Nice's DS, I know you were a little nervous about it Miranda

bant is that true? . I'm like Miranda and I'm always happy to wade in first! But like I say I'd never do that in rl! So perhaps I should be more understanding!

Title I'd agree with Bant - it seems that even those who select "would like to meet" or who favourite you, still generally leave it to the man to get in touch first.

Coming up with a witty / intelligent / sparkling opener every time is hard work - imagine if you had to do that when you met someone for the first time in real life? Sometimes you want to just say "Hi, terrible weather isn't it?" and let the conversation grow.

Having said that, "much luck?" isn't the best opener - your choice of responses is limited to:

1. Yes, I've had plenty of luck and have no need to speak to you.
2. Yes, I've been putting it about a bit, but I'm always happy to accommodate another.
3. No, I'm desperate. Please like me.

I've had that opener, I usually reply "I've had some luck, but nothing that panned out into something long-term, but there's some really nice people on this site, so don't give up!"

I get winks, would like to meets, and favourited a few times a week. I get mailed about once every fortnight. Of the 30 or so first dates I've been on in a year from OD, 2 have been with women who mailed me first I think. Neither led to a second date.

I got loads and loads of Like to Meets on PoF but I think only a handful ever sent me a message to follow up. I tended to ignore them and people who favourited me and then did nothing, and bloody winkers. I had a serial winker who would wink at me every thirty minutes when I was online but never ever sent me a message, used to really get on my wick.

I very rarely e-mailed people but sometimes would in a fit of boredom and frustration. Interestingly both LM and Alpha are ones I contacted first.

I didn't mind the "Had any luck?" kind of question but not just on it's own. If it's part of a slightly longer message then that's not a problem and I'd reply if I liked the look of the man in general. Much better than Hi/Hey or a comment on my appearance etc which I never replied to.

Miranda sounds like a lovely holiday and great results. WTF is your ex up to wishing you happy anniversary? Is it sarcastic or supposed to make you realise what you're missing or what? Very odd.

Fox just why oh why do people do things like that? Couldn't imagine why on earth anyone would send that sort of message to a total stranger.

Snape you and Nameless are just lovely, makes me all

Title you are on a roll!! Got a date for your date?

I accidentally clicked "maybe" on a couple of people on PoF when I should have clicked "no", and then they messaged me thinking I was really interested when I wasn't.

According to Bant's date rating system, I would rate my first date from PoF on Tuesday as a 2a/3c. I've realised you can actually give formal date feedback on the site, which seems a bit harsh!

Damn, missed the photo of Kin and Spud!

Well I wouldn't want to have to do today again. Until a while ago DS had nothing, he has now got a place by telephone grilling interview at an entirely new choice where they actually heard what he had to say and they've offered him on that basis. I think he'll do really well.

If anyone, dares suggest that it is all easy these days or that 'some kids are just not academic' (yes, other mn'ers on other threads I'm looking at you), I am primed for lift off.

Miranda

I'd just like to apologise for my overuse of ! in my last message...

Re men making first contact etc perhaps I'm being a little harsh... I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. Perhaps because I'm so proactive myself I don't really see that other women are not!

Surely winking, favouriting or clicking on PoF's "meet me" function are all just easy - or lazy if one is being harsh - methods of establishing if the other person is interested. If someone has done one of those things and I like the look of their profile, then I'd send a short message to kick off a conversation. If I don't like it, I ignore them and I'd expect to hear nothing further. If, having seen that I'd checked out their profile and done nothing, they then went on to pursue me, I'd wonder why they were bothering me.

Of course I prefer people who've made the effort to send a proper message because I make the effort to so do when making first contact, but this is dating and its not always perfect all the time.

I'm afraid that I did a bit of a at you bant as having said "pity us poor blokes, we've got to make all the running" you then said you have never got past date one with anyone who's contacted you first ... presumably because you prefer to choose ...?

Title I think its all a matter of perspective. I know a LOT of women who date online and they all are very pro-active as am I. I also know a fair number of men who date and they all say the same as the gentlemen on this thread. I don't honestly believe there's any gender split, clearly its just that some girls do and some girls don't