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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread - episode 61

999 replies

lurkinglorna · 09/08/2013 21:44

BOOM!

OP posts:
MsApprehension · 13/08/2013 22:01

TOILET UPDATE

Very sweet but don't fancy him Hmm

spangledboots · 13/08/2013 22:14

Hi everyone! I'm totally out of the loop - such a busy weekend (much tequila was had!) and work has been crazy.

I do have a significant dating update though! Had a first date with TinTin on Sunday evening (previously The Engineer, renamed because he looks like TT and because there have been a number of engineers...!) - it went rather well. Too well, probably. I broke all the rules. We went for a few (too many) drinks in a nice bar and got on really well; had loads to talk about, lots in common, very similar outlooks on life etc. so he ended up back at my flat and well...you can guess the rest!

He's been trying to arrange dinner/drinks on Thursday night but I'm just so busy so hoping to do something on Sunday/Monday night. So far, so good :)

spangledboots · 13/08/2013 22:16

Oops, that was a bit of a gushy post!

MsApp - that's a shame...have more wine and then you might fancy him? ;)

Djangounhinged · 13/08/2013 23:03

Will catch up with you all tomorrow...

My date went well Grin. Can anyone suggest a remedy for stubble rash?! Yay, first snog in aaaaaaages Grin. We are planning to meet again....

PS saw a pic of the hamstring injury - ouch!

lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 01:37

hight fives to (spanlged amd djangoi*

just got fingered by docrotr inalleywat.

goognight all! Smile

OP posts:
TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 14/08/2013 06:47

Seems to have gone to your head so much your spelling's out the window lorna! Wink

FlorentinePogen · 14/08/2013 07:31

just got fingered by docrotr inalleywat.

Who said romance was dead ? Grin

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 14/08/2013 07:34

Ok, question... The 'would like to meet' thing on POF. How do other people play that? I've got a few who've said they would like to meet me but no message from them. Are they then waiting for me to get in touch? If they would like to meet me why don't they just send a message? Confused It's not like they'd look at my photo and decide I'm out of their league looks-wise - I'm distinctly average.

OWW I forgot to say earlier: thank you for your words yesterday. They made me cry a little bit (in a good way). Thanks

ALittleStranger · 14/08/2013 09:16

Is that poster still around who thinks the secret to "winning" at OD is to lower your standards and cross your legs for a month? I love to think of her reading this thread and clutching her bosom in despair!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 14/08/2013 09:25

Winning?Confused Interesting solution!Wink

Been on pof this morning and am chatting to 3 very nice sounding men:

  1. Tesco (he's in supermarket management) who sounds very normal and lovely
  2. Widower - as the name suggests... He misses adult conversation, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, etc. Sounds like he's looking for a ltr which suits me
  3. Shiftworker (again name self explanatory!) - this one is a bit cheeky in a good way. I nearly spat my tea at the screen at one comment!

So, on the whole, I'm feeling a lot more positive today Smile

OhWesternWind · 14/08/2013 09:59

I thought he was keeping out of alleyways Lorna or was that just for the purposes of snogging? Excellent update, that has cheered me up no end. Django too, glad he has potential now you've actually seen him. No idea what to do about the stubble rash, haven't had that since I was a student Grin. And good stuff Spangled too - lovely to read about things going well.

Did he grow on you at all MsApp? Happens sometimes, not other times. I have been on dates with lovely sweet men but as soon as you see them you just know it's a no.

Title not a bad sounding trio at all!

All is well with me apart from missing Alpha like billy-oh at the moment but he should be back up north this weekend. Not-very-subtle hints about going on holiday next year - from him, not me Grin So very pleased with how things are going here, can't believe it really. I would never have thought it three or four months ago but here we are.

Missing Juliette and Nora . . .

Pomegranatenoir · 14/08/2013 10:18

Hi all,

I sent him a text and he replied. All very civil and final! Weight off my mind. It has actually got me in the swing to date again so that is a good thing!

oww - where is alpha at the moment? Hope he is back soon.

msapp - takes it From one that knows - if the feeljng isn't there then it just isn't there. As the saying goes plenty more fish...!!

title - well down you for getting back on the horse!! Onwards and upwards.

Pomegranatenoir · 14/08/2013 10:22

Also just out of interest does anyone else encounter these men that are massively full on? The last 2 men that I went on dates with and probably 3 other men that I chatted to went way over the top and bit creepy. I'm all for a bit of romance but I would like a man to play it a bit cool and not over invest emotionally before we have met or after one date!! I find it a massive turn off.

justmeandmytwo · 14/08/2013 10:33

*Pom- yes I have encountered these- when its before you've met it seems soo false too. Like they're telling you all they think you want to hear to make you fall for them, a little insulting that they think we'd fall for someone so disingenuine too. I don't know, perhaps it is just how they're used to being with women, off putting all the same eh.

Although now makes me feel like a hypocrite saying all that, have been wondering why not contact from navy yet this week, gah Grin

JulietteMontague · 14/08/2013 10:35

Good morning all, I got back home yesterday as it is A level results day tomorrow. I am very, very nervous as so much is riding on this for DS. None of the stuff other people can take for granted has come easily to him and he has worked so hard for it I just hope he gets what he wants. It means everything to him, I've never seen him so nervous.

Depending on how the results go, Dutchie is coming over here in a week or so.

Django and Title looking good!

Lorna your turn of phrase took me back to revelations about 'petting' in some sex manual circa 1972 Grin

OWW it all sounds so solid and good, you deserve the best.

Ginocchio · 14/08/2013 10:57

Title - I've wondered that too. I think people must just sit & go through pictures saying "yes,no,no,yes,yes,yes,yes,no,no,yes,no", without really looking at the profile.

Not much update from me - I've tried to capitalise on my new profile by being much more desperate forward in contacting people. Nothing so far though...

lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 11:27

good lord

we've got our own "special alleyway" now.

also european sent me a "bland how are you" text and i replied very affectionately suggesting we get together soon, as dr pashing was getting me drunk .

this could all be the start of something incredibly tawdry and sleazy and messy lovely

good lord

i have THIS

the europeans flat is quite close to dr pashings, which is the "main going out street in town". i REALLY hope both of them are going out with other women so my conscience is clear. seriously, any moral thoughts on this?

seriously tempted by the sofa Confused somewhat relieved i'm skipping town soonish.

MORNING ALL Grin

OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 11:31

good luck with DS results Juliette Smile

OP posts:
fooolofbeans · 14/08/2013 11:52

Hi all, just marking place, am about to embark on a spot of OD, will read all your posts, then no doubt ask for a tonne of advice SmileSmileSmile

lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 11:56

hello welcome fooolofbeans

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 14/08/2013 12:11

Pom well done, I really hate doing that sort of thing. But you know you've made the right move when you feel a weight lift as you send that text. I think the full-on stuff straight away is really weird. You don't know each other at all. Not sure how men think doing that kind of thing is good, unless they have a script in their head about "What Women Like" Hmm

Alpha's down south recovering from some medical tests, hoping he will be okay to drive up again at weekend.

Juliette everything crossed for your ds tomorrow. Very glad things are going well with Dutchie.

Gin just keep plugging away, and if you don't get any luck then try a different site. It's weird that sites that work for some can be a total dead loss for others. I had no joy whatsoever with OkC, for example, but I know other people have found it to be really good. What's GSM like in your area?

Lorna this is getting very, very complicated! I'm not sure I would be seeing two at once if I'm at the dtd stage, but then again if you have made it clear you're not after a serious l-t relationship that's something different. So long as you're honest, and they know what the situation is, then it's up to them to decide if they're okay with it.

Beans you will be here all day -week month-- if you're trying to read all the posts! Just jump in and ask, it's fine.

lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 12:15

Pom yes I red flag the hell out of guys like that?

I think behind the way they act is a very strong fear of rejection? As in, most "normal" people are ok with being turned down, even after a few dates - we'll feel stung for a bit but move on.

but these kind of guys come across almost "looking for a psychological weakness" so they can "get" a woman"? or even trying to "do" loads of nice stuff so their dates feel obligated to them emotionally? a woman who is capable of saying "no" or "sorry, we're not working out" to them is their worst fear.

(and then they're the kind of guys who will turn nasty and passive aggressive when you break things off and go on on their profiles about "women don't like nice guys")

OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 14/08/2013 12:19

thanks OWW - I think what I need to have soonish is a "chat" to confirm we're just going to be lovers, and of course they can pursue other options too? I'm fairly liberal minded, but also want to apply some ethics in that I don't want to hurt anyone

(although maybe I'm overthinking it and they're both dating far more suitable women than me - I think they're both still active on pof)

OP posts:
Pomegranatenoir · 14/08/2013 12:22

Think you are right Lorna. They do look for psychological weakness and then try to prove that they are different from other men. Weird.

I would like a nice, normal man to have some nice nights out with. No declarations of love, offers of marriage or manipulative behaviour after a few messages or one date. Maybe I'm asking for too much...?

KinNora · 14/08/2013 12:24

Afternoon everybody,

Juliette - I feel your pain, Child Número Uno is getting his results tomorrow too, mixed feelings because if he ends up with A level results better than mine he will feel even more entitled to patronise me on a daily basis - although at least he will be doing it from distance.

OWW - I'm very glad it's all continuing so well with Alpha ( they're taking a month to sort his results ? )

Flipper - just thinking about you this morning, hope everything's still going well.

The - I'm glad you're sounding so much more positive

Django - yay for snogging !

Lorna - you really make me laugh, those poor men have no chance .

Hello everyone else ( are we assuming Bant is in a whirlwind of loved-up transatlantic Skyping ?)

No real dating news from me, unless you count an endless trickle of the uninspiring and humdrum as news - it's like being stuck in a lift at a geography teachers' convention.