Lap dance at stag do

[worrybynature]

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

Most of bloody Mumsnet- which presumably is mostly younger women, excuses male behaviour, on a regular basis.....

Lazyjaney not bullshit at all, some if us didn't marry tossers or move in the sorts of circles that normalise men using the sex industry. That's pretty insulting to men, actually.

Janey, you don't like men much, do you ?

Exactly, curlew, the older woman comment was taken completely wrong. A large proportion of all women excuse shit head men and soak it up on a daily basis.
The thing is we expect better advice from parents, don't know why, it's just disappointing when my mum says really bad male excusing things to me.

Youth is an understandable excuse iykwim.

I would cancel/postpone as well, mcmooncup - but then I'm older and wiser as well now.

In my 20's? I'm honestly not so sure - especially - being totally honest - if I already had a child with this man.

The best I can offer the OP is that I would give him a right scare and let him think that I will cancel - move out for a couple of days with dc, and let him sweat. At least let him see that I meant business about not doing this in the future.

And that best man would not have a place at my wedding table...no way.

lazyjane speak for yourself love.
Not normal behaviour in any of the men I know and my dh is far too intelligent to do shit like that. No bullshit required.
If its acceptable to you then fine but don't push your views onto others.

The older women comment was not taken completely wrong...please dont presume to tell me how I should think.
It seems that the issue is not actually older women, lets be specific. The issue for several of you is mothers.

Btw I have 3 adult sons a dh an ex dh a brother and many male friends. None of who would dream of this type of behaviour.

My DH had a lapdance/stripper on his stag do. Organised by the other men. I can honestly say it didn't bother me. I don't class it as cheating.

Obviously I understand that it does bother OP. But I just wanted to correct whoever upthread said that it would secretly bother all women.

We still live in a very mysogynistic society Its also a society that sees marriage and children as the ultimate goal.
Look at the way the media tv society etc presents single women. They are seen as desperate Bridget Jones types or living alone with cats (the living alone with cats sounds quite pleasant to me actually) In society there seems to be a certain status that comes with marriage.

As for my own mother ..well she comes out with mysogynistic comments like "she should have kept her legs closed" when talking about single mums. And will ALWAYS side with the man in a situation no matter what.

OP how are you feeling now. I really hope that your mums initial comment was a knee jerk reaction (though i have my doubts) and that she is supporting you. If not i hope you have a good close friend who you can confide in.

Going by what you said earlier about the comments your DP made when asked how he would feel if your daughter grew up to be a stripper i find those comments quite worrying.

it does scream Madonna/whore complex and that he thinks there are "good" women and "bad" women.

NotConnie you come across as very aggressive

YY mcmooncup EXACTLY.

And just to be clear, my dad and my ex-h were the actual problem. My mum just excused their behaviour, nothing more serious than that - disappointing at the most.

Dark, it is astounding the amount of misogyny we have to towards our own sex sometimes.

Take bullies at school, girls can be evil to each other. Its normally the girls who are worse.

I'm actually rather pleased its not just my mother!

the "exactly" was aimed at mooncups post at 20.59

ezio my mum would NOT let me shave my legs as a teen, Being half Italian im dark haired and its THICK hair. The girls in high school made my life HELL DM still wouldnt let me shave and didnt want to come to the school to sort it out either.
Because as girls/women we are taught from a young age to just suck it up and not be a bother.

I feel insulted mcmooncup when someone tries to tell me how I should think, or rather that I have taken something the wrong way.
As I said,I notice that ageism is overlooked on MN. And that was an ageist comment.
I have no desire to be aggressive, and I had been happy to leave the subject to drop, as I posted earlier.

Mother issues all around !

Sorry to hear that mooncup. My mum excuses DB on a regular basis. Its been since childhood.

Criticising older women en masse, that's misogyny in my book, darkest.

How on earth was that an agist comment. You have to be an older woman OR older man to have a grown up child That is a FACT.
I meant that the OPs mum should be more concerned with her daughters happiness than she sounded.
Being happy to leave the subject to drop = wanting the last word.

Reposting my original post.

DarkesteyesSun 04-Aug-13 18:30:46

worrybynatureSun 04-Aug-13 11:02:29

Even my mum is of the attitude that this is just a right of passage for the stag and I need to get over it

Whenever i hear this crap from older women it smacks of.
a. Back in my day i had to put up with it so why cant you.
b. I want some grandchildren.
Believe me yr mum has her own agenda Has she come out with the classic "if you cancel now it will look bad" or are you still waiting for that gem

I am "an older woman"

I am old enough to have a dd in her 20's

I wasn't offended by any comments here, and I am very sensitive to misogyny

Some women really are their own worst enemy, and the enemy of equal respect for the sexes.

Can you tell me how i am criticising older women on masse.

The word "whenever" is in my post for all to see.

And i am NOT a mysogynist. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. Check my posting history if you are going to start name calling.