Lap dance at stag do

[worrybynature]

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

It wasn't an ageist comment though NotConnie.

Women have to survive in the patriarchy, so often just comply. That is what the comment is getting at.
It is nowhere near the fallacy of misogyny.

THankyou AF I was beginning to think im going mad.....oh hang on a min the thread title ......it couldnt be could it? Off to do a check.

"For this? When it's almost the norm on stag dos these days (and for many a year in fact)."

What a stupid thing to say. Just because lots of other men have strippers on their stag night and their fiancées don't care does not mean the OP shouldn't het rid if she wants. Some people are grown up and make their own decisions and not just do what someone else might.

DE ignore the poster who at best has simply misunderstood you < being generous >

I don't want an argument. Frankly tonight I'm too exhausted for even just a healthy debate. But three of us found the comment to be somewhat insulting, so it's not just me that 'took it the wrong way'.
Darkesteyes has said that it wasn't intended to be offensive. So I will take her word for it.

You are right AF I shouldnt let it wind me up Most of the ppl here know im not a mysogynist. Its bloody laughable Thanks YOu too mooncup

Darkesteyes I am old enough to be a granny, I understood your comment and wasn't insulted either.

Thanks sap Thought i was going mad this evening. Been one of those days.

darkest I read your comment and it absolutely wasn't ageist at all.....think some things are taken out of proportion for the sake of it.

Anyway as we were.....Op, I hope you're feeling a little better, although I guess that's doubtful, but at least beginning to get things a little clearer in your mind.

I really feel for you. I'd absolutely hate it if dh had a lap dance, but I was going along with your dp getting swept along with it, being shitfaces, not paying for it, having it booked for him etc and was going to suggest you slept on it then sat down and had a thorough clearing the air session with him and try and make some sense of it all.

THEN I read that he had the lap dance because he was 'curious' and my blood boiled. That meant he actually made the decision to have it, even though he knew how you would react....that puts a whole different slant on it. I have no advice really, but I do advise you to think very carefully about the character of this man.

I asked my dh what he thought about it, get the man's perspective as it were, and he said exactly the same. Your partner had a choice, he was able to decide what to do.....

And that sodding best man would have had his arse kicked clean out the door if he'd said that to me, the bastard.

I don't think you can take anything at all he's said on the subject as an indicator of how he's really thinking or feeling actually.
I think his initial attitude, both last night in that limo and this morning in front of his mates and you is probably closest to the truth; he did it "just because" and he didn't particularly care about your feelings on the matter. Then, once he saw you were really upset, he started scrabbling around for clichés to shut you up.
And who knows what he's saying now, as the OP seems to have disappeared while we all scrap on here about mysogyny and ageism.

Lazyjanet you're username is very apt. Lazy effort to wind people up. No imagination

The real laziness/no imagination here is the page after page with post after post repeating the MN Mantra of "leave the bastard" (or in this case call off the wedding etc etc). I doubt most of them would even take their own advice in this situation.

Not lazy to stand by your beliefs and principles really is it?
Far lazier to just go along with stuff to please the menz

Lazyjaney I would have called off the wedding had I found out. I would have kicked him out if I discovered later down the line that he'd done it.

My proof? When I found out by chance that my husband had registered on a dating website I kicked him out and ended the marriage. No second chances, no explanation, didn't even listen to the excuses. What would be the point?

In some cases, LTB or call off the wedding is the right thing to do for the individual. There's no point have principles if you're going to abandon them as soon as they are challenged.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do anything on here that I wouldn't advise my best friend to do, or be prepared to do myself. I am well aware that these are real people with real lives.

Vivacia - well, you know, if would. But thanks for proving my point.

Your point hasn't been proven. A man or woman who used the sex industry whilst single, say, would not be being a hypocrit if they asked their partner to agree not to once in a relationship.

Also, you are allowed to grow, learn and change your mind. A man who paid for sex services is allowed to feel differently when his own adult child announces they want to work in the sex industry. I wouldn't think that man a hypocrit if he's genuinely changed his opinion and behaviour.

It sounds like your DP was aware of the booking prior to the stag night from his comments about being curious so he has totally disregarded your feelings on the matter

The 'licked her minge' comment is vile and the fact he sat there and said nothing would indicate that this happened or he would have vigourously denied this. I agree with others that the girl was likely to be an escort/prostitute. I couldnt imagine wanting to marry someone who would do this, sorry OP

*Hell I'd missed that gem from ALittleStranger

Do people really think abusing homeless people is something that can be excused?

I learn something new daily sad*

Eh do you have poor comprehension skills? In what way am I saying oggling strippers, abusing homeless people or being a racist is excusable?

I thought that too. The casual acceptance of awful behavioiur.

What were you saying Alittle?

It came across as "ah it's not that bad.
It's only like abusing a homeless person".

Sorry, I was working on the assumption that we all knew racism was a Bad Thing and comparing something to it should obviously be a criticism...

See above Walter, in my mind those things are obviously bad so saying the OP's behaviour is on a par is obviously not an endorsement of that behaviour. Clearly you are more tolerant than me! He's being a rude and offensive dick, and that's his "crime". But I don't think "cheating" sums up the problem here.

Ah I see. I misunderstood.

I agree with you