The Dating Thread - episode 60

[Djangounhinged]

If I may?

Not much of a backstory Bant. Smooth Jazzman. Only 2nd date, but spent four hours chatting on first date, although thinking about there was no casual touching then either until the snog, when he sort of dumped his hand on my lower thigh. Erratic texter

Oh this was short guy? Ok firstly, the question we're all begging to have answered, did size matter? :)

Not touching at all is odd. Was he touchy before? Men don't necessarily bond the same way after sex - we don't feel the need to cuddle so much usually - but no touching at all is strange. Sounds almost like the pathological-need-for-a-shower I've heard about.

All you can do is wait and see I suppose.

'Sort of dumped his hand' oh he's a veritable Casanova

Secret, yes to the size issue? .

I would feel a little peed off if there was no touching afterwards, you could try and see for next time, if you like him enough.

I don't know SS Never experienced anything like it myself. Although I have heard that for some people sex is the easy part, any other sort of closeness is the tricky part.

No tea though. Unforgivable!

Proportionately, were he of average height, he would be very well endowed!

He didn't strike me as the need-to-shower type, quite happy to sleep without one - and it was a very hot night.

Reliving it now, he didn't actually touch me at all last night, almost up to the point he had his hands in my knickers [shame]. Oh god, I've pulled another nutter, haven't I. I could start my own travelling OD freak show

Kin you made me guffaw there and knowing how some men of a certain age leave chest hair to have a life of it's own I totally understand the queasiness. After the slipping incident which was scary I realised I have to give in and buy

deck shoes

They also come in a natty pink if anyone is jealous. However, I couldn't do it and somehow I came home with some heavy duty plimpsols from Primarni this afternoon.

Can anyone see what I did wrong on that link there? second time today.

Secret good to see the old fashioned hand dump is still on the go. The traditional approach always works for me. I overheard a conversation once where older bloke was giving younger bloke a few tips as he had his first 'big' date "always have a flannel with you, the ladies always appreciate a quick rub down round your balls".

Don't blame me, Kin started it.

The dr suess quote was in the notebook of doom. just back from the RA summer exhibition (ooh, get me!) which has made me want to paint again and really a bit cross that aforementioned notebook didn't come home, as I could make a fucking fortune entering individual pages into the exhibition. [grr!] was absolutely aghast at shit-awful watercolours of headless female torsos with poorly depicted tattoos going for £12k a pop! Plus, I got chatted up at the bus stop by a weasley ex-marine who could do one-armed push-ups (he demonstrated) and who called me 'duchess' and told me he could 'track me down' (unlikely. I told him my name was Sarah...)

Tomorrow is emotional pizza day. Bring it. I might need to have an emergency red pepper and a sharp knife in my handbag if the pizza-joint won't play along.

I don't really like hairy men Juliette, and he had a whiff of the orang-utan about him.

Those shoes aren't bad and if they prevent you falling into what my father would call the 'oggin', they're worth having.

Secret it's a bit odd, innit ? Not sure I'd have liked that but then I do enjoy being soundly felt up

Juliette that made me snigger aloud. ( what's my fault now ? Am I being accused of lowering the tone again ? Fair cop )

I know we decided to name this thread more generically to make it more welcoming and inclusive and less cliquey, but I think 'emotional pizza', ' a quick rub round the balls' and ' a whiff of the orang-utan' should be noted for posterity..

So do I Nora, so do I.

It's funny what you forget, I suppose that's the benefit of debriefing pun absolutely intended! - but I had begun to wonder why he'd invited me back. No cuddles in the kitchen to get things off the ground, as our Alex would say! But then he lunged...

I'm opening a book - what's the odds I'll never see him again. And so it's a level playing field, he said he'd call later at 10 this morning - still nothing. He played his guitar for me and had wine if not tea!

Place your bets...

Kin it seems that deck shoes that actually work are all hideous. Those ones remind me of someone in my past but I'm not sure who . I'm sure anything Primark has for £7 is totally up to the job (they're a nice colour ok?).

I like a hairy man, but there is a time for the clippers.

Snapegood luck!

Back here and trying to catch up. Had 4 dates with first ever OD guy but phased it out as he wasn't what I wanted. Arranged date with nice sounding guy who then became weirder and weirder by text so got rid of that one as well. Am tentatively looking forward to a date on Sunday with motorbike guy, please someone tell me that they aren't all totally weird....??!!!

Any more experienced folk with red flag pointers for me would be good so I can suss weirdos out a bit sooner?! I obv don't bother with all the hi luv etc but what about the weirdos who hid their weirdness slightly!!

Wow I get to use the quote twice in one night ..

"We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.?

Everyone is a little weird, porridge, it's just that most aren't weird in the way you want.

Ooh I'm philosophical tonight. Must be the mermaid

"A quick rub round the balls" made me chuckle. My mate Dave always used to be sure "to polish the General" if there was the slightest chance he might get lucky

Oh dear Secret ... lunged you say? Personally I might be relieved never to hear again. As to his height/penis ratio, in my experience few tall men are proportionately endowed ... so I've never have an issue with shorter men.

Snape keeping everything crossed for the pizza of lurve ...

I'm not sure what I want Joyless - if you does ask to meet up again, I think I might and perhaps be a bit more tactiley proactive, see how he reacts. But, there won't be tears if he joins the ranks of the disparu.

A further instance if his weirdness not being mine, obviously!

Secret my initial thought when you said he didn't touch you the morning after was guilt, and I was going to ask if you were sure he was single... But as the no-touching preceded the Touching there must be something else going on. A lot of people are just quite reserved, non-tactile and not sensuous, but still like to get their end away. It's a pisser.

And err, on height. I have always found shorter men to be out of proportion once to an eye-watering degree.

Porridge how weird are we talking? It doesn't sound like you're doing much wrong, or that you can change at least. You're meeting up with strangers, even with a really good email screening process you're going to strike out more often than not. Discovering people's quirks is just part of dating, it's just a shame that most of the time those quirks drive us away. But has any of the weirdness alarmed you?

Second guy was VERY weird. I am actually on a Domestic Abuse course and recognised all the red flags popping up but was still reluctant to cancel in case I hurt his (weird) feelings but that is my issue to resolve. I don't think I can change, steep learning curve though but as to be expected as last time I was single was before the year 2000!!

but was still reluctant to cancel in case I hurt his (weird) feelings but that is my issue to resolve.

This. This is a core lesson under rule 4. You have to trust your instincts and not fear hurting his feelings.

Has your course tutor said anything about ODing before you've completed the course? I actually think it is possible to OD without negative experiences accepting that a couple of drinks with someone you'd have ditched after ten minutes at a party is just par the course, but we'd all be fools to pretend that there haven't been a sprinkling of shits in the course of the past 60 threads. I do think that anyone doing it has to be in a position to play by the Dating Thread Rules.

Porridge do you mean signs of abuser wierd? if you are getting those flags from prospective men it may be worthwhile taking it very slowly until you have your boundary fence in place and your twat radar tuned to a fine degree. OD is good for 'sampling' and working out what it is that you want from it, posting here helps a lot with trying to work out what is 'normal'.

Secret proper lunging?

I think it is helping tbh as it is enabling me to "experience" (not in that sense of the word!!) chatting and picking up signs etc from a number of blokes without the pressure of feeling that its really important I get it right. If I met someone in real life I would feel more pressure as obvioulsy I would already know I liked them to a certain extent but this is letting me start with very few expectations?! Does that make sense?

...and he had a whiff of the orang-utan about him.

I don't know why but my brain processed this as a whiff of Terry's Orange about him.

I need sleep.