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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
DadfromUncle · 05/08/2013 15:20

MsApprehension (great name by the way - another one I wish I'd thought of although not really gender appropriate for me) I think you are officially tallest woman so far on this dating thread.

Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 15:35

48 the reappearers are such a pain Hmm, are you going to reply? You know it's best to step away....

OP posts:
Hamwidgeandcheps · 05/08/2013 15:45

Men are like boomerangs and they come back when they are bored and horny sadly.

Bant · 05/08/2013 15:49

What weird boomerangs have you been playing with?

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 15:52

I have replied, we were very close. Had hoped he had moved on. Always happens when Mr R&R is away. I won't be meeting up with him, no good can come of it. Learnt my lesson last time.

scrazy · 05/08/2013 15:56

48, I was reading on another thread about past lovers, fwb situations. I'm not saying you and Mr Oz were fwb but without a final end to a relationship, some people still see the person as a backup if they ever get lonely or break up with someone. This makes it difficult to form proper relationships and why some people boomerang back into your life.

It's another arguments why a casual or fwb arrangement is a bad idea. Lots of thread about this subject recently.

Snapespeare · 05/08/2013 16:17

must be something in the air....i just got a text from an unknown number, congratulating me on peter capaldi being cast as the new doctor with 'how are things with you? xx' Confused Hmm

it's either voldie-twat, who can fuck right off, or the prof who was thinking of getting married and raising children with barclays woman and who invited me to dinner & then cancelled at the last minute...

either way, i wont be responding.

either way, i won't be responding.

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 16:17

That's the thing Scrazy our last meet up was to put a full stop for both of us. I told him about Mr R&R. I could never treat him as a fall back guy, think too highly of him.

Been texting to and fro now. Fuck and double fuck.

Snapespeare · 05/08/2013 16:18

so much so that it's worth saying it twice.

scrazy · 05/08/2013 16:26

Snape, I would just have to know. Can you not look back on old bills to find out who's number it is rather than reply. I've had contact from 5 different men this weekend, there is indeed, something in the air or it's the woo on this thread.

48 I wasn't meaning you would have someone as a fall back. I've had men crop up later after a proper ending too. It's not always to try and get back, sometimes it's because they haven't moved on or they've broken up with someone and want a friendly ear. It can be quite flattering to know they haven't forgotten you altogether but I would be wary if I was in a committed relationship with someone else, wary about meeting up, no harm in exchanging news.

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 16:26

I wish I hadn't responded now.

Think I have upset him. I think he is reading this .Radio silence.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 05/08/2013 16:36

Scrazy - yes exactly that. I have had A LOT of exes boomeranging around since I separated from exh. They have caused mostly tears Hmm

OhWesternWind · 05/08/2013 16:40

I've had one from LM early hours of this morning apologising (!!!) and asking to meet up, then another one presumably when he'd woken up with a horrible sense of text-related Winedoom saying sorry for asking.

I've not replied but I know he's got some important/difficult job related stuff coming up so am tempted to ask if he's ok. I shouldn't, though, should I?

OhWesternWind · 05/08/2013 16:41

You think he's reading the thread 48?

scrazy · 05/08/2013 16:42

No OWW, I wouldn't ask anything about his work, it's too caring or stretching out a conversation. See how things go with your new guy and file LM in the back of your mind.

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 16:46

Yes OWW.

Guess he isn't happy I'm happy. Not who I thought he was.

JoylessFucker · 05/08/2013 17:06

48 that's Sad

OWW you are lovely and you do care, but he MUST NOT KNOW
I'm really sorry to shout, but purleaseeeeeee don't make contact ...

Snape if repeating it means you won't do it, you can repeat yourself as much as you like!

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 17:13

Agree OWW Do not go there. I didn't think I was doing any harm in responding. I must have.

JoylessFucker · 05/08/2013 17:18

48 I don't think you were doing harm. Anyone who contacts an ex when they have ended it due to being in a new relationship is taking a chance. HE took the chance, it didn't work out for him, now its time for him to move on. You were polite, no need to beat yourself up.

JoylessFucker · 05/08/2013 17:19

grrrr ... when they know it ended due to being in a new relationship

Who'd know I was a highly trained typist of many decades standing? Hmm

OhWesternWind · 05/08/2013 18:20

Just been catching up - I'm not eligible for the Low Fives club. Think I'm about 5'7 but it might be a bit taller. No idea what I weigh, either. I did actually get turned down once by a PoF bloke who said I was too tall. Hmm.

Never even thought about lying about height, age, kids, job, whatever. I did meet up with someone who'd blatantly lied about his age and had very old photos up (this is Bitumen Man so a winner on many counts). I actually walked past him twice as I simply didn't recognise him. He must have been at least ten years older. Did he think I wouldn't notice?

I think it's fine, best and easiest to ignore if you're not interested. When I first started that felt wrong, so I'd write something back, and it did tend to get very complicated and messy so I soon stopped that.

Nora have finally tracked down some St Germain out here in the sticks! What do I do with it now?

Django hope you're okay.

Seeing lovely Alpha tomorrow in order to thrash him at pool, then hope to fit in another date later in the week because then he's away having his op, then abroad on business, then I'm away on holiday so the way things are working out it could be September before we meet up again Sad. But he is making a lot of plans for Risotto Night when we're all sorted, which now also seems to involve margaritas, massage and stopping over ...

spangledboots · 05/08/2013 18:44

Oooh OWW risotto night sounds like it'll be amazing :) I really hope it all falls into place.

Agree with the point about men coming back when they're bored and horny but it's my own fault for getting involved with them in the first place. When I broke up with my ex (almost a year ago) I was a bit naughty and occasionally one if those guys will reappear...usually when I'm really hitting it off with someone else.

Can't get one particular bloke off my mind right now. Grr.

Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 18:58

Thanks OWW, I'm a bit less panic-stricken now, got some good advice and I'm staying where I am! Now for the bun fight over who gets which sofa.... Loving the sound of Risotto Night :)

48 you were being caring and kind by responding, which if course is what he hoped would be the case. Don't beat yourself up about it. I have a persistent reappearer, I could set my watch by him. It's been 2 weeks since his last contact, in another 4 he'll be telling me he misses my chat.... This time I will ignore (I may need to post on here so you can all remind me).

I follow 'The Daily Zen' on twitter and last week it told me, "When the past reappears, ignore it. It has nothing new to tell you." Or something.... Ok?

OP posts:
Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 19:01

Oh I've just read back and I see that lots of reappearers are doing their worst Confused. Ignore! (Although Snape, I'd have to know who it was too...)

OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 05/08/2013 19:08

well hello everyone, I'll kick off the First Meet Reports this week....

yeah got stood up Hmm

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