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Original poster

The Dating Thread - episode 60

999 replies

Djangounhinged · 31/07/2013 17:21

If I may?

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 01:10

Just got off the phone to Mr R&R.

Its bloody knackering this love malarkey. They don't put that on the tin!

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 05/08/2013 06:21

48 But love is lovely (understatement) and you're happy and 'we' (the collective of gorgeous vipers) are thrilled for you. Smile

(DFU, I shall be inspecting the changes, so crack on! don't be alarmed if I am caught looking at your profile, it's purely to help you out! Wink

Morning all!

ALittleStranger · 05/08/2013 08:17

Never lied about my age, but maybe give me a few years. I had one guy take 5 years off. I knew when I met him that he wasn't 35 but I didn't say anything.

I can see why people do it, and the height thing. OD encourages people to set rigid filters and if you're 5'9" and know that 90% of people will go for 5'10 as the standard cut off then of course you'll lie. (Same for 40 year olds etc) On the grounds that you know you are fabulous and you don't want people to miss out due to lazy box ticking.

It does make me question where to draw the line with filters. There'd clearly be outrage if men could start filtering by bra size, so why is height acceptable?

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 09:24

Morning all, how fabulous to return to so many messages of loved-up happiness! Grin for you all!

The lying thing is so curious - quite a few of my dates have lied about their height but haven't come across any who have lied about their age, yet. I have always gone out with tall men (I'm another shorty at 5'3") and am open to dating shorter guys, but not when they've lied about it!

Dampener alert I had a great weekend in a fairly dry field, spoiled only by a shitty email from exH who is trying to evict me from the family home (I've started a thread with a name change, if any of you have knowledge of Scots law, would love your input)

Nothing doing on the dating front here, and I guess the above may mean enforced sofa time anyway...

Happy Monday :)

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 05/08/2013 09:53

A really cute guy from Ok has been messaging me. He lives 2 hours away and works nights. He wanted to drive up last night and meet for the first time. I said no as I had no sitter for dd and didn't seem right to have a virtual stranger in the house with dd there.
Also it would have probably ended in sex as we would have been sitting in and er 'chatting' I don't really want sex on a first date. I was right to decline wasn't I? I just feel really horny today and a bit miffed that I could have got laid. I just want to be safe and feel that it might be more than a one night stand.
He says he wants a girlfriend but we ended up sexting a bit.

DadfromUncle · 05/08/2013 09:53

Djangounhinged That's rotten - don't know anything about Scottish (or E&W for that matter) law and am finally old enough to admit it so can't help but can offer virtual tea and sympathy.
Profile update - Good news from feedback so far seems to be the problem's not the physical as I thought, but the fact that my profile as written by me suggests a creepy socially inept bloke who wouldn't be much fun to go anywhere with. The good news is that I can change that bit, especially as lorna has written a version I can pretty much use verbatim. Need to do a bit of work and now have a couple more knd reviewers before I make changes (although I did add an "emergencey" picture after kind feedback from AWAFF). Thanks again to all.

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 09:56

The only things I put on my search/filter was a lower age limit, think it was 45. That was after a about a week of getting messages from men in their 20s. What is that all about.
Must not be married.
No IE. Didn't stop them though.

I can see why people do it too stranger It is as you say the nature of OD. I didn't even realise it was possible to filter on height.

Ex is 5'9. I do like a man to be taller than me, that isn't difficult, especially as I never wear heels.

DadfromUncle · 05/08/2013 10:08

EEK at emergency typo. superstarheartbreaker I am a bloke and I suspect old enough to be your Dad but I think you definitely did the right thing - letting a stranger into your house would surely always be a risk without a little bit more background.

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 10:08

Thanks DFU (much preferring your new acronym ;) ), tea and sympathy accepted with gratitude. And if you're still looking for profile reviewers, I'm happy to have a look too :)

Super I think you were absolutely right to knock the cute guy back, if he's keen he'll come back to you looking for another date - with enough notice for you to get a sitter so you can go on a proper date. Think the sexting before meeting would be a red flag for me though - it would make me think he's just really looking for a hook-up. Which is fine, if that's what you want too!

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 10:18

WFF We were planning our reunion. Again Blush Grin

Djangounhinged You were lucky a dryish field. Seems to rain here all the bloody time. Hope you get some good advice.

Super Only my opinion but, I do think sexting someone you have never met, gives out the wrong signal.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 05/08/2013 10:24

Hi all - god I am 500 posts behind!
I wouldn't mind reviewing a profile Grin
Hot and cold man has been consistently hot since I stele eased about it but no more weird innuendo. Date day is Friday. I think it probably was all about crisis of confidence.

I'm v spun out by dating post divorce with dc - feels like there new rules to learn!

Bant · 05/08/2013 10:42

superstar - I think if a bloke you've never met wants to come to your house at night for a first 'date' then it's 99% sure he's just looking for a quick shag. And very unlikely he's looking for more than that.

MsApprehension · 05/08/2013 13:21

Thanks for the welocm everyone.

I need to clarify a point of OD etiquette. When someone sends you a one-line message (e.g. "Yes x TV programme you mentioned is very funny haha") and you are not interested in them at all is it better not to respond or to answer with a "thanks, but not thanks" kind of thing? Feels rude not to respond but I don't really want to start a dialogue with some of them...

(Also, I am 5ft 9. Am I the tallest woman to come forward on the thread so far?)

Bant · 05/08/2013 13:24

It's best not to respond, MsApp - you'll end up getting a bunch of 'so what's wrong with me? too good for me, are you?' type stuff.

I used to respond with a polite thanks but no thanks, and eventually just got annoyed with the 'well I didn't fancy you anyway so there' emails. From men these would probably be worse.

scrazy · 05/08/2013 13:27

I don't have a photo up so can ignore most messages as they don't know me from adam.

Someone I met recently said he always responded even with a thanks but no thanks which is kind of nice, maybe, and he wouldn't have responded to me if he didn't go with that approach.

ALittleStranger · 05/08/2013 13:30

I'm firmly in the ignore camp. I don't really get people who say it's impolite, in my view it's not exactly polite to enforce a conversation on someone. Also some men do try and "negotiate" if you turn them down.

Bant · 05/08/2013 13:38

It's not particularly impolite to ignore a one line message. If they can't be arsed putting a bit more effort in, then you shouldn't be arsed about ignoring it.

It's like seeing someone you don't fancy winking at you in a pub, then getting arsey when you don't go over and join them. If they had the nerve they'd at least try to engage you in witty conversation.

ALittleStranger · 05/08/2013 13:53

What if they have put effort in, is it then impolite to ignore? I always found that the men who wrote the longest introductory messages, referencing nearly everything in my profile, were the ones I least liked the look of. So I'd ignore. Blush. In my defence, I found something slightly manipulative about an overly long hello, it carries an implication that if they prove they really, really paid attention then you have to give them credit.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 05/08/2013 13:58

IME it's best to ignore if you're not interested. It doesn't waste anyone's time then. I was messaged once v sweetly v sweetly by a great lummox of a bloke. I sent the polite decline message but he just sent another really hopeful one back. I felt guilty Hmm

Bant · 05/08/2013 13:59

Yep, I found the best introductory emails were a couple of short paragraphs, maybe 3.

One icebreaker: 'I contacted you because I liked the fact you like long walks on the beach while watching a DVD and drinking wine. How refreshing to see such honesty', one brief description: 'I'm Bob, have a small hunchback and a huge collection of wigs' and finish with 'get back to me if I sound ok and you may like to chat, maybe meet for a drink'

And I don't get upset if someone doesn't reply, it took me a whole 5 minutes of my life to write, they don't owe me a response. In fact getting a 'no thanks' is more irritating than getting nothing at all.

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 14:22

Yes just ignore MsApp It gets easier.

I used to have one chap who wouldn't get the hint. Kept messaging 'I want to meet you soon'. Creepy. The block button is your friend Smile

48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 14:53

OMG Mr Oz has just texted me. Just general stuff asking after my mum etc. Why do they do that Confused

Original poster
Djangounhinged · 05/08/2013 14:54

I also think it's better to ignore, than to send a polite no thanks - for the same reasons already mentioned. It's just easier to move on from.

I've just had some messages from a very cute guy on OKC - way different to anyone else who had contacted me on there.... Desperate for phone number though, as he doesn't want folk knowing he's on there.... Have given him my email instead.... He's either very new to dating, socially inept or a bit Neanderthal. But since he's good looking and can spell, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt for now.

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 05/08/2013 15:12

Checked my phone it has been over 4 months since I last saw him. Why am I keeping his texts. Grr!

DadfromUncle · 05/08/2013 15:17

I can see the replies thing from both sides - I guess it's easier and more necessary to ignore if you're a popular woman (and it seems most are on OD). Personally, I do reply to anyone who contacts me, but that doesn't take up much time Smile I answer one line "hi ya" type with a similar one liner like "hi - not very talkative, are you?" or something just to see if there's going to be anything to it.

I answer people with whom I really seem to have little or nothing in common by saying so. I don't message anyone unless I really really like the look of them and think we'd stand a good chance of going on a date and getting on - so when it's just silence it is disappointing, but entirely understandable and I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to "negotiate".

Just had a lovely chat with checkout woman at ADSA on emergency Battenburg run - tempted to ask her if she'd like to share my Battenburg as she said it was her favourite but bottled out as usual.