The Dating Thread - episode 60

[Djangounhinged]

If I may?

OWW sounds very promising. Think I will carry on skulking in the background if you lot of loved up MN's don't mind.

When I did try POF, I had 3 guys who I saw for about 6 dates each (sequentially, not together). I just couldn't do the whole, more than one on the go at a time thing. And met a few who I had a good 'date' with but I started spotting red flags.

The theme I keep on picking up on, is how this can be part of the journey, healing from past mistakes. In my case being married to a misogynistic sociopath who spent most of our marriage and most of our money (well technically it was the banks) on prostitutes (only confessed 2 years post divorce). I am terrified of being duped like that again.

Having gone on a few dates and finding that men innitially seem to like me and want to see me again, only for it to start falling apart round date 4/5 is something I am now trying to figure out. Not sure if it is because of who I am picking, or if it something I am doing. So hence the break, need to regroup, work on my career and find myself a little more (seems to be an elusive goal) etc etc.

Think I should have been on here when I was dating last year, there is some excellent support and advice on here. Am a little bit addicted to be honest, am meant to be doing an essay, but wasting spending my time catching up on all the drama. Waiting to hear the decision on the Emotional Pizza (birthday pressures aside), and whether DFU ever got a response from his 'potential', also still waiting on the 'spud criteria' info....

KinNora how rude of me, [friendly wave back at ya]

Thanks, it's given me a bit of hope. I am aware it could be out of the frying pan and into the fire but I don't have feelings for this stranger and would be happy to go with the flow.

jo I think that's a very wise and self-aware approach to step back and have a period of self-observance and build career etc before continuing dating. :)

I'm spending my day doing a massive turn out of books and clothes for charity shops (exhausting!) & trying to find online perfect gift for namelesses birthday (infuriating!)

Oh nooo, don't worry about that Jo and for what it's worth my own approach to OD is that even when it's not going anywhere, it fulfils the function of re-educating yourself about what it is exactly you want from a relationship, especially if you've put up with years of shite.

Spud criteria (and this is discounting 'Spud' a potatophile ex of mine) is met, as far as I understand it, by an unprepossessing middle aged man with bland tuber-like features, a surgically removed personality and an impressive belief that he's as desirable as a naked George Clooney gripping a bar of Lindt Crème Brûlée between his teeth.

So what would be the female equivalent of a spud? Believe me, they're there too. Monosyllabism would be one trait I suppose, and the corollary to a Spud's sense of clooniness being that all they need to do is show cleavage and mention sex and any man will come running.

Spudettes? Spudulika?

Waynetta slob.

I've only read the profiles of women on here so none of them are Spuddy, obviously.
I reckon we're looking at the middle-aged lol punctuator who's really 'girly' and inflicts motivational/cute/'share if you have an amazing friend like this' pictures on Facebastard.

Nora

yeah

but don't forget they share cute pictures but alternate them with fits of THE RAGE.

one day they'll have "so and so is my TRUE friend like this cute pic if you love baby monkeys."

next day - writing cryptic statuses like "sum people are haterz and let u down. you know who u are."

Jo hello and welcome!

mama good news on spooning/bed sharing

I only very recently joined FB Lorna, it's been an eye opener and no mistake.

I'm on it but don't have a profile, I just use it to stalk guys I'm thinking of dating look things up.

Profession: accounts

Interests: accounts

But someone out there will be looking for a man like that, Lorna...

Interesting that quite a few women on here are in my age group (about), and I really identify with the idea that there is no-one out there for me. I understand that (as joyless said of herself) I am a "hard sell".

I'm not an easy-going athletic and toned alpha male who is still in touch with his sensitive side - if I was, I would have no need for POF etc.

I'm put off probably 90% of profiles as they read identically to all the others (long walk beach/DVD/Sofa etc), are borderline illiterate, or have interests I don't share, like watching sport, riding motobikes or going to Benidorm every ten minutes. Of the remainder, precisely none of the women I have ever messaged has responded (so far).

If I am honest, there are probably 5%-10% of the women who I actually think I would struggle to kiss because they aren't attractive to me at all.

Jo I didn't get a response, but that's not unusual, I am not going to be sending any bitter/twisted why didn't you reply moanings though - move on.

I am actually quite relaxed and resigned to the idea there may not be anyone looking for me - if that's how it is, that's it, and I am quite happy alone a lot of the time.

I do have one slight conundrum - what I see on POF profiles doesn't marry up with what I read on here - an that probably ought to tell me something, although not sure what.

Sorry that was long. Glad to hear everyone's positive news.

Oh and as soon as I read "bubbly", I move on, which cuts out quite a lot

Oh - for more experienced POFers - what is "normal" for lies - am I doing it wrong by telling the truth?

DFU I'm not sure that the posters on here are necessarily representative of the entire population on dating sites, which may account for some of the discrepancies you've experienced.

(That was me trying to be diplomatic)

I'm not sure about lies, I think there may be a certain amount of age revision going on, not by everyone, I don't, but I think some people have found that to be the case.

Dfu - the general consensus seems to be that most men add three inches to their height, and I've read that some women take that into account in their filters. I'm 5 10 and say so, so some people will screen me out assuming I'm a 5 7 liar.

Likewise people commonly shave between 3 and 6 years off their profile. Both men and women do. I had a date a couple of months ago where the woman didn't believe I was actually 39, and insisted on seeing my ID. She'd shaved 7 years off and was actually 3 years older than me if I recall. She seemed shocked I hadn't fibbed

DFU what Kin said. given I could not find anyone in their 50s it theoretically could be good odds for you.

So. have you had your profile checked out by anyone to see if its working for you? same goes Goethe pictures. have you mistakenly ticked a box which says yes to taking a third wife or something? its happened to the best of us and apparently my pics are not flattering. have you tried other sites. few I think most men message a lot of women to gets my response so it may just be typical. the impression you may getfromtbe thread is that everyone has lots of dates all the time when in reality the post about dates, many are on the sofa, it can take a while.

re my own pics i meant that they didn't do me any favors according to any men I've seen more than once.

I'd second juliettes suggestion of getting your profile reviewed by members of your target market, so to speak. To be honest if your pictures aren't horrible and your profile is funny without being zany, and you come across as someone who actually likes and respects women instead of thinking they're a different inferior species, then you can do ok. If you like I can PM you my profile text and you can plagiarise if you want. Its worked for me

I thought your photos were lovely Juliette I'm surprised anyone said that, in fact I nearly said to DFU that all the posters on here whose photos I've seen have been genuinely gorgeous.

ah Kin I'm not naturally photogenic, tis true. btw from what I've seen. we are all a catch

We are all a catch! Like it, Juliette :)