Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

[wavesandsmiles]

So, Acrobat did actually arrive (only just) on the last thread. And he is here and lovely!

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1801734-Waves-is-winning-Here-comes-the-Acrobat

Perfectly put, Donkeys.

Well done, well done, well DONE you magnificent woman! Some people are witholders, your mother is one of them. It's a paltry space inside that woman. Meanwhile, you're flying high. You so deserve it

FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!
FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!
FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FE-E-LL-O-O-WWWWWW
AND SO SAY ALL OF US

Well done, Waves. You did brilliantly.

I am so impressed. So proud of you.

You got TWO job offers. And you did it with a newborn. You did it as a single parent. You're absolutely amazing.

(Your mum is never going to say you did well. It doesn't matter what you do. You could get a Pulitzer and she still wouldn't approve. She'll never be good enough. It's not you, it's her.)

You're awesome. I don't know how you do it. Have some and tonight. And keep telling yourself how awesome you are. Sometimes you have to parent yourself - if your actual parent is screwed up. How did you ever get to be so wonderful, after being raised by her? You're amazing.

That is bloody fantastic Waves - see what you CAN do! So very very proud of you and all you've achieved, against some pretty steep odds as well.

I also think your mother is just of all you've managed to achieve, and just can't bring herself to be pleased for you. My mother was a little like that - whenever I did something well, say got 95% in an exam, she'd ALWAYS say "what happened to the other 5%?" It was very disheartening for years but then I realised she just wasn't able to be happy for others' achievements because she was too bitter about her own lost opportunities, so I let it go.

Now just one thing about your life-changing job - didn't you say before that it involved lots of travel away from home? Is that still the case? Because even though it's more money, more flexibility etc etc, the other job might still be a better "fit" for you just now.

In the meantime - celebrate!

Bravo waves .. x2!

Fantastic waves. You must feel proud of yourself, never mind that your mother can't bring herself to acknowledge it.

Thanks for the positive words. I ended up sending my auntie a message, she is so lovely and sent me back a really long reply, congratulating me and also encouraging me to really think through the pros and cons of each.

I'm going to go back to the lady who sent through the revised offer and ask for some clarification on the hours expected in the office and a more concrete estimate of the amount of travelling involved. I must admit I googled the town in which the company is headquartered and it is so SO beautiful. I reckon I would have a queue of volunteers offering to accompany me with Caspian if I had to visit there (a new idea is that if I had to go away for a few days, he could come with me so I can still feed him through the night, with a friend coming along to be with him in the day, whilst my older 2 went to stay with my friend here which they would hugely enjoy) The latest I heard was that it would be up to 4 times a year for up to a week in Europe, and then shorter day trips to London which is not impossible to manage really.

Thing is, if I could be out of the office by, say 6.45 each day, I can do all the important things with my DCs such as reading together, bath the baby, do the goodnights and chatting through the day. And I was open and honest that except in exceptional circumstances I will not be able to be in the office until 8.30 earliest once I have got DCs to school/ nursery. if it comes down to that, then it's a "no brainer". The other job would require weekly or fortnightly day trip travel, and would expect only slightly shorter hours. Yes, the BIG job would involve working remotely from home in the evenings, but to be honest, I am at home anyway, don't watch tv and once the children are sleeping don't have much to do. So it would suit me to sit and work on projects etc

I do have a big brag to make.... Caspian is doing amazingly well with sleeping, 7 hour stretches the norm now after the 7.30 routine of a bath and bottle of expressed milk. Night before last he actually slept for 10 hours! I think this is why I am managing to avoid vodka on my cornflakes and getting showered at least every other day

Also just check on flexibility if you have illness - something definitely to consider as a mother.

They must really want you though to have come through with a revised offer so quickly! I wonder how flexible they might be persuaded to get

TBH the working hours/lifestyle you describe sounds hellish to me, but you know what you are capable of. Are you planning on having a nanny/au pair for when you go back?

Well, we already know how organised you can be Waves! An au pair sounds like an ideal solution to me, and taking Caspian with you sounds good.

If you come to london I can meet up with you again!

Clever Boy Caspian!!

Takes after his Mummy....

Wow, your job acquiring skills are as awesome as the rest of you! Your mother should be so proud of you, it is her loss she won't admit it even to herself. But my goodness when these children of yours look back as adults then you will be the object of the greatest pride and love you could wish for.

Yes, is the difference in money for the BIG job good enough to be able to afford a nanny?

YOU ARE OUR HERO!! Well done!

I think the big job sounds doable & it would be dead easy to get an au pair to take up the slack (room & board plus pocket money?) & accompany you on business trips. Go for it!!

I think you're good enough and would be proud to call you my daughter Waves x

Painting skirting boards is tedious and tricky and bloody hard work with a newborn. But I've done the entirety of the project (stairs, landings etc). In a day and a half.

I know what I am doing, and it isn't really redecorating.... I am keeping myself too busy to think about the awful year, and twunt, and mum, and too busy to carry on reading the book. I am even making cakes for no reason. (2 since DD's birthday for which I made 3). I'm not eating them btw, just thinking up who I can give them to.

I'm scared to stop because despite the amazingness of the job, and Caspian sleeping so well, I'm afraid I will cry and cry.

(((hugs)))

Decide that tomorrow you will set aside the time you need to cry. You don't need to do anything no, just carry on with your evening not thinking of any shitty stuff knowing that tomorrow you can give into your sadness.

You might feel differently tomorrow....

waves have you ever thought that you might need to cry? You have a lot of mourning to do - for the love you thought you had, for the life you thought you had, for the recognition that all the people who have failed you - your mum, Twunt - are never going to change, and for the girl who still feels she is never good enough. It's a necessary thing, it's a healing thing. Do it. It's allowed.

Oh I do identify with this waves. I am constantly distracting myself at the mo to avoid unbearable heartache. Do you feel that if you started crying you'd never stop? I feel like this - almost afraid to cry - but I do let it out now and then and it has its own rhythm iyswim, over quite quickly, surprisingly (re I don't get gobbled up by it, never to surface again lol). Perhaps the psyche knows precisely how much we can deal with and let's out just enough to be going on with? I always find that the shower is a good place to cry.

A cloudburst needn't be an all out storm waves, let some tears fall - as springyduffy suggests, in the shower, or watching a soppy film or when peeling and chopping the country's most eye watering onion.

Let it out, Waves, and it will stop, I promise you.

Keep it all inside and it will make you ill. I can promise you that, too.

I learned that one the hard way.

Be kind to yourself, be gentle, and let yourself cry for as long as you need to. Think of it as watering the garden after a long period of drought; you'll feel refreshed and nourished afterwards. And exhausted too, probably, but that's OK. Remember, you're teaching your DDs how to be a woman by your example. You can let them see that it's OK to cry - in fact it's an essential part of the healing process. It's necessary.

((((hugs))))

you have to try to let these feelings out - whether crying or shouting or whatever works for you. Trust me, if you keep it all bottled up inside it will come out! And it usually comes out when you least expect it, when it is totally inappropriate and you end up thinking wtf is going on!

Give yourself time and allow yourself to cry. You will stop crying.

What a clot. My suggestion wasn't right, was it . Sorry Waves.

Having seen these later posts I see that I have never cried for the shit I have had and maybe they is why I am so emotional about sad news, my pets dying, etc. I know I have been scared to cry before over certain things as worried I wouldn't stop.

sorry for being rubbish with advice.

(As far as advice goes MissStrawberry I have never found you lacking in empathy or common sense).

Forgot last night another easy trigger for the safety valve of spontaneous tears: a moving piece of music. Anyway there is often a natural trigger - a stubbed toe, a smashed cup - which invites a cleansing cry.

Hope Caspian is still slumbering sweetly at night.

Oops!