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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 2013-07-18T20:04:39+00:00

The Rules 1. Develop a thick skin; 2. Do not invest emotionally too soon; 3. It's all BS until it actually happens; 4. Trust your gut instinct; 5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault 6. They should be trying to impress you 7. If it's not fun, stop

999 replies

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 18/07/2013 21:04

The Rules

Develop a thick skin;
Do not invest emotionally too soon;
It's all BS until it actually happens;
Trust your gut instinct;
People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
They should be trying to impress you
If it's not fun, stop

OP posts:

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 19:59

I did that one for O level Nora and can still reel off whole speeches on request (which, oddly, doesn't happen very often). Have a lovely evening.

I am sitting in my garden drinking Pimms and hoping the dc stop the campaign of room invasions against each other, it's getting too late for that nonsense.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally · 20/07/2013 20:02

I'm sitting in my snug eating the tapas that I bought for Mr Actually-Not-Very-Lovely and me to share...

Mr RL is out tonight

I am going on holiday tomorrow

Secretservice · 20/07/2013 20:11

Sorry not had time to catch up, but just on my way to meet promising-looking first date with would-be barrister. Wish me luck

T2710 · 20/07/2013 20:20

Enjoy the tapas title, and have a great date secret!
I'm jealous of the good weather you're having. Summer has departed newcastle!

So, (I need a nickname but can't think of one) hasn't text me back all day. He's been on pof and fb and hasn't replied. This is very very odd. He texts me a lot usually. I'm resisting a temptation to send any other messages. May send a quick one in the morn to say have a nice him but then again I may not-I'm annoyed!!

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 20:59

Don't send anything else, T, not of a chatty here-I-am type anyway. I think I'd just leave him and see what he has to say. Did you reply to the "Let's keep it open" message?

At the moment I'm not intending to have the dating other people conversation with Alpha. He's very new to OD and I don't think it's occurred to him that some people have lots of dates on the go at the same time. Not going to put that idea into his head, either!

Hormonalhell · 20/07/2013 21:25

Tasha same thing happened to me, wonderful night, all over me like a rash. Kissing me constantly. Spent the night, very loving and then went for breakfast . Then zilch....

He was out with mates n text me once after I text him first yet found the time to be on pof all day

Know just how u feel Hun

T2710 · 20/07/2013 21:30

Yes, steer clear if that damn topic. Haha. To be honest Ive been seeing so much if this guy that he wouldn't have had time for dating anyone else. I'm not sure if he's trying to limit any holiday sex guilt by pushing me away.

Anyway, he said-... why don't we just leave it open... if you want to, why not. What do you think?
I replied-I think that this is a convo we dont really need to have just before your hol. Just have fun and ill see you when you get back :0) I am enjoying getting to know you and spending time with you though so why spoil things by trying to define them?
What are you up to today, Last minute hol preps?

He replied only to the last part. Last Sunday, after meeting his friends he told me one had said I was 'a keeper' and he's been giving off lots if relationship vibes, which is why this is so odd and sudden!

T2710 · 20/07/2013 21:32

Hormonal was that for me? If so, we've had a few overnighters and maybe 12 dates over the last month. I dated a guy s couple of months ago that went cold but that was only after 4 dates and one 'session'

porridgecarver · 20/07/2013 21:32

Ok is this weirdness, nice chatting with new guy online and via text, mention of meet up and he offers to come to my house, I told him No, that he is prob barking up the wrong tree and he replied saying he thought I would maybe be more comfortable meeting him here?! Is that a naive guy or weird?!

Bant · 20/07/2013 21:35

He's a player, wanting to quickly get you into a situation where you can have sex. Or so naive or weird you probably wouldn't want to meet him anyway

porridgecarver · 20/07/2013 21:41

Thanks Bant I am going for the player option as he doesn't look naive, or sound it tbh! Will give it a miss

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 21:45

I think he didn't reply to the first part T because you said it was a conversation you don't need to have just before his hols, so he's taking that at face value. Hope it'll all be good when he comes back. Is it a week or a fortnight?

Porridge like Bant says. He's just trying it on.

Sorry to hear about your disappearer HH - there are a few of them about.

T2710 · 20/07/2013 21:51

Thanks for putting it into perspective OWW. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I mean that I don't think about how it reads. He's only away a week. Just going to leave it til Sunday next week when he comes home to see If we're still on for mon.

Porridge-def a nono. Bants right!

spangledboots · 20/07/2013 21:55

bant I'm new here so don't know the back story but I'm sorry that you've been hurt and think how you've handled it took a lot of guts. Good luck on your next date! Hopefully you'll get some closure now.

lorna all that waiting for 'pleasant'?! NEXT! ;)

FakeTim has now deleted his POF account - I don't know when he did that but I knew he was due home today so had a quick check and it's gone. I'm really paranoid that he'll pop up again in some other guise so I'm being much more strict about who I speak to. I might need some MN dating thread expertise from time to time to help me with that! I've deleted all messages, emails, contact details etc. now I just need to stop letting him pop into my head!

I've been chatting a little bit to a couple of guys for the past week. Do I have to give them silly names to talk about them on here? :P

Secretservice · 20/07/2013 22:05

Another one bites the dust!

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 22:21

Yep Boots give 'em a daft name and come and tell us all about them. Easiest way to forget someone when it's early days is to find a replacement.

What's happened SS?

Feeling much more sanguine about LM, have taken the rose-tinted glasses off and remembered all the truly, truly shite things. But oh the wonderful filthy sex with that man. Hope I will be able to lead Alpha astray (or - even better - he won't need leading).

spangledboots · 20/07/2013 22:35

Good advice OWW - what do you think your chances are with Alpha? I've missed the backstory on that one too!

Okay so, currently sort of on my radar are the following:

MrGrey: named by my friends, not me! He's bad. Very bad. But also kind of very good. We messed around about a year ago when I broke up with my ex but nothing really happened since around November. Then last weekend when I was feeling wounded about FakeTim, I texted him and invited him over. It was awkward and rubbish so nothing really happened and I got him to leave. I think I need to strike him off! He texted apologising about the awkwardness and I've not replied.

MrNiceGuy: we met online, had one night which was amazing and haven't seen each other since. He got in touch about a month ago but I was obsessed with that other guy so didn't pay too much attention. We've been talking again this week. He puts himself out there as a really nice guy but anything that happens between us is exclusively physical.

Postie: been chatting online for a week or so, seems like a decent bloke so wouldn't mind meeting for a date to see what happens there.

HillMan: (likes hillwalking...) been messaging back and forth for a week, lots of long messages and he seems like someone I could get on with pretty well. One downside: he still lives at home! We've taken to texting 3/4 times a day. Will need to see where this one goes! Again, wouldn't mind if we went on a date.

Sorry....that was a very long post! Tell me off about the first two someone, please?!

Secretservice · 20/07/2013 22:45

Absolutely nothing OWW! We met had a drink a stilted conversation and now I'm on my way home - another date which took longer to get too than actually sit through! He seemed nice enough, but not for me, sadly.

So glad to here you've got back to grips with LM, and can now go back to concentrating on corrupting Alpha.

Bant it was brave, a lesser man would have hung on hoping to change her mind. Hope Aruba proves to be an effective distraction!

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 22:49

Mr Grey: Awkward AND rubbish?? Definitely needs to go.
Nice Guy: Possibly keep him in case of emergency.
Postie: Yep, definitely meet up and see.
HillMan: How old is he? The living at home would be a no-no if he's past the age of 25 (and even then it's not great)

Alpha is pretty nice, Boots, been seeing him six weeks, lots of lovely dates but no sodding action! Think I might have made a breakthrough with him last night when we were messaging by being far less subtle than usual - looks like he was waiting for the green light from me and fingers crossed it will happen soon ...

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 22:58

Oh it's a bit soul-destroying when you get a run of them like that, isn't it? You must be due for a decent one soon!

Scatty sorry for not replying sooner but so glad things are still going well with the fireman. You two are a real success story, lovely. And I'm taking heart about what you said about him not being very confident under all the bravado - think that might be happening with Alpha possibly so thank you for that. Glad everything else is going well for you too

Pony did you get him sorted?

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 22:58

Sorry top bit of last post was to SS

spangledboots · 20/07/2013 23:03

OWW jeez, none of the guys I speak to are ever that subtle! Or if they are, I get bored too quickly. Lots of nice dates is good though...maybe the next one needs to be a sexier date. You think he'll finally cook for you?!

HillMan moved home last year (he'd been travelling for six months) to save for a deposit for a flat. He's 28 and very embarrassed about it. Before he went travelling he'd been living in a flatshare. I'm finding that a lot of men seem to still live at home! I'm 23 and moved out five years ago :P

OhWesternWind · 20/07/2013 23:11

I have said we need to have some private time together - he seems enthusiastic so we shall see ... Don't give a toot about the cooking, just want a night of passion and hot sex!

I suppose that's not too bad - at least it sounds like HillMan's got a bit of gumption and hasn't just lacked the impetus to ever leave. He can go on the approved list too

ponygirlcurtis · 20/07/2013 23:21

Hey OWW, thanks for asking, no I haven't yet!!! I haven't backed off from chivvying him into action, and the result is... nowt. Lots of texts back and forth today about normal stuff (how's your day, what you up to, yadda). I asked him yesterday to please let me know today whether we were going out tomorrow. He hasn't as yet. 40mins to go...

spangledboots · 20/07/2013 23:22

Haha maybe suggest having a drink at his then in case he gets in a flap about ingredients again ;)

Will keep Postie and HillMan to see what happens with both/either. Postie is brand new to online dating so not sure if he'll be up for meeting anytime soon. He's cute though. Dammit, I'm a vulture!

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