Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

giggling....then.

European and I exchanged texts, confirmed we both liked each other, etc. Met up, had booze. Chemistry great, all well.

He started talking about a "friend situation" he has. I started giggling, it's something I start then can't stop, like a nervous tic? And I thought that was what was was wanted for the situation? You know when you think someone is being "hyperbolic" and exaggerating for comedy value?

He's actually being SERIOUS. Anyone been a posh PA - you know when your boss is twitching and ranting about..... fuck knows what? Bit like that. This "friend situation" wasn't actually serious, if he put it in AIBU it would be considered very YABU.

Well I'm not at work, I'm on a date- I try to "add useful comments" but it was like giving some vexed fifteen year old girl advice -"ohmigod but yeah you don't get it you just don't understand me she is being SUCH a bitch". I do say "you need to get a relaxing hobby you know" This is probably a mistake.

He starts on my "behaviour" It was like standing opposite the walking talking version of the Daily Mail or a teacher at school. Actually standing - I left the bar and he followed me out so we were standing on the street, like fishwives arguing. Thought Europeans were meant to be all peaceful and shit?

Dunno, don't care, who was technically being the YABU one, me or him, but no question there is basic incompatibility there.

After he "said his piece" I think he then thought we'd continue the date. I thought/think we wouldn't, ever, ever, EVER.

(to be fair: was getting the vibe that it really wasn't me, but some past kind of teenage trauma - pretty girls can be cruel? Normally guys think my giggling is eccentric and cute weird but just something to put up with as I'm easy in other ways but this really was a big reaction.

So I'm thinking of e-mailing him to say "sorry, there is no fucking way I'll date you again I hope the feeling is mutual it REALLY is a nervous tic thing, blah blah blah." just to "clear the air" and make peace and leave it at that. Good idea? )

Back on POF now, wondering if I can snag me a Sarte quoting potato....

Lorna - you've got to meet them to see the ishoos. And this guy has Sooo many of them..

Although thinking that Europeans are meant to be all peaceful and shit may be overlooking two thousand years of warfare and general nastiness.

'Every age has its own potato; in every age the circumstances of history choose a nation, a race, a class to take up the torch by creating situations that can be expressed or transcended only through potatoes'

Lorna, I wouldn't even bother with the email. How weird of him to go off on you like that.

Secret, no need to be constantly texting at this stage, hope Wednesday's date goes well.

Hang on Lorna the Sartre quoting potatoes are all mine, capisce ?

He sounds a little ...unhinged... doesn't he ? Does he have a very high opinion of himself ? Because men like that really don't like the faintest suggestion you're not taking them seriously ( eg my date with Weird Coincidence Man when he told me a long tale of how he refused to don the White Trilby of Management when he was promoted, preferring to continue wearing The Workers' White Flat Cap as he was such a rebel - he didn't like me not taking it seriously at all ).

Mmmmm....don't get me wrong I'm not a "fixer upper", definitely not gonna see the guy again. But I don't dislike him - I liked him well enough to want to date him exclusively, at one point?

What was being discussed earlier about matching "quirks" - I think the european and i connected over the "awkward angry teenager done socially good" thing? I mean given my family situation, if I'd not made some BIG changes in my life, bumped into some good people, I might have been the same.

But I think he's "kept and internalised" the angry outsider gotta prove i'm important mentality whereas I've mellowed a bit and aren't so angry over stuff. So I am sympathetic, at heart. i care - not enough to put myself personally out - but enough to try and leave things as peaceful as i can. it'll be an e-mail, not an offer of eternal friendship.

KinNora don't be so greedy, we all want and deserve a piece of the philosopher spud

Lorna - I think the similar background thing (angry teenager etc) and the quirk thing are different. I've got similar backgrounds to quite a few people I dated, and somewhat different to others, but apart from a few things like having experienced college, having siblings and a large family, those things which shape a person and give common ground, I think the quirk thing is more about 'getting' someone on a daily basis. The spit-the-dog thing mentioned earlier, or the hyperbolic exaggeration you talked about and were expecting, or having a random conversation where you replace every adjective with 'Justin bieber' and you never have to explain the rules, they just join in and its completely natural.

It's two people's weird sense of the world matching, and becoming greater than the sum of the parts. There may be some bloke out there who'd get Aruba's spy thing. I don't. There may be someone else who'd make the same joke and I'd find it funny, I dunno.

But maybe I'm just remembering that quirk thing from relationships where it grew over time, and I'm forgetting those bemused moments when I thought 'what is she on?' In the beginning. So I'll see Aruba again to see if the click happens. Everything else about her is good, or could be down to nerves.

I've had a few messages to my almost blank profile, from the usual suspects that have been on the site for years. I won't be replying but I now remember why I don't like OD, it makes me feel a bit depressed. At least they don't know who they are messaging so not feeling too bad about ignoring, might have to block as well as I remember they keep trying.

Getting each other's quirks is like finding a needle in a haystack isn't it?

what I love on POF/match.com are the guys who will start the ball rolling with questions. not like "leading in" social questions, but just "ooh I'm zany" questions.

"LIST ALL YOUR FAVOURITE PLACES STARTING WITH S AND ENDING IN A! GO!"

"no why should i fuck off"

The only way to circumvent the bollocks is by pretending it's all a big game Scrazy, otherwise it can be like working on the production line in a 70s Soviet fish gutting factory - gloomy, hopeless and a bit whiffy.

aye, agree. but post on here if you find anything funny

guy i "know of" from match.com just spotted me.

on match.com, he said he had no photo, claimed for work purposes but could e-mail. sent me one it was potato to the power of potato. then sent lots of begging messages asking what he had done wrong? i couldn't send one back going "you're ugly stop stalking me".

here he just has a picture of a hand, holding a box of Milk Tray . got two messages so far. BLOCK.

Thanks Scrazy. I think maybe I'm a little old fashioned about this texting lark, and treat it like a face-to-face conversation so it feels rude to me to say hello, ask a question and not hang around to wait for the answer. Or not to answer a question - however banal - in return.

It's like someone's just turned their back on you while your talking! I'm happy not to have daily contact just feel like contact is made it should follow my rules!

European sounds very hard work Lorna. I man who takes himself do seriously is an immediate turn off for me - and I suspect most Satre quotes come into that category, as I remember only too well from uni, many,many moons ago

That was barely literate, sorry. Ask if there's anything you really don't understand

Kin you are so right, it's grim alright, at least the fishy one is free and I don't have to part with any money to be depressed. Might try OKC, it's got to be better.

yeah "european" does looks like hard work, so history now "secret" -

although i am composing an e-mail to him . not an apology, just an explanation. he can bin it or write "fuck off and die" back, i'm not after a reply or to appear like a "good person" but its more for my own equilibrium.

i remember reading that in some tribal cultures it's not considered "normal" to build up resentment for past slights (he/she pissed me off therefore i'll piss off the next one and transfer the anger on and so on and so on...)

there's an expectation you "try to communicate and make peace" as soon as there's conflict. i don't mean i'm gonna grovel or offer anything i don't want to offer socially (i.e. further contact) but just try and leave things a bit neater than last night? the dating process can be fun but tough, and i don't like hurting people further than necessary.

back on pof too! i used to "give time" between lovers but now i'm too old, i just "get looking as soon as the last one is gone".

I can sort of understand the shirtless pics if you're a 21 year old sports god looking for a 21 year old girl.

But why have a topless pic as your MAIN if you are....well...a bit Nige from IT Support at a BBQ? Hairy chest and beer belly.

I didn't last long on the sofa either! Turns out Mr Orange was really keen, and was either trying to play it cool, or just isn't very expressive.... Neither of which are any use to me, and it's too late now, I sent the "Dear John" text....

Spent all of yesterday feeling bad about that, but realise today that I'm just missing the nice little text rapport we had built up. There wasn't a spark when we met, sadly. He was he first guy on OD I'd felt was on my intellectual level, as well (not that I'm very, very clever - maybe it was just that he got my quirks!) so I'm feeling a bit sad that I didn't fancy him.

Have had a couple of nice chats on POF, of course the one I'm most keen on, is the one who is not initiating any more chat. The other one is chatty but I suspect not my type physically - wearing a carrrrrazy wig his his pic and is therefore probably bald.

So I reinstated my OKC profile last night, and answered some more questions. The one about women having a duty to shave their legs really pissed me off! Immediately got hit on by a couple of old guys who couldn't spell. Have disabled it again for now, as I hate being unable to hide!

KW I am so and for you! Secret, I think it all sounds good too - so have a and a from me as well.

Lorna, I get why you feel the need to email, think I'd be the same. What a bizarre reaction from the European!

Scrazy OKC is more polite than POF, but at the moment it's a bit quiet, or maybe it's just me? I plan to 'graduate' to POF if OKC doesn't get more interesting in the Autumn. All the men who have approached me are miles and miles away. Sadly no Germans

@ lorna's comment '...but now I'm too old, I just "get looking as soon as the last one is gone".'

Kin dress you say? WFF strokes chin (think evil villain) link please or PM me if you want.

Am feeling very half arsed about things. Lab is off on his hols, and my other somewhat tentative interest is still abroad due to work. Have not yet started my mail a man a day challenge, CBA as having trouble finding suitable men CBA.

Have introduced a running challenge into my daily exercise, which will be for the month of August, need to manage unruly libido somehow.

However, I am counting the days until my children go off on their hols with their Papa! Eight sleeps to tranquility...

WFF waves to the old, the new, and those special occasional posters longtime lurkers.

CBA to do my roar even... x

django yeah there's always something wrong with one of them, maybe that's the human condition, never perfect. or perhaps an argument for polygamy/polygyny? one to sleep with, one to talk art with...

i mean especially at ...cough..."our" age not much time left for "growing together 1-1" like these "together since university" couples do, so could be more practical to just work out what our needs are and build up a few contacts to meet them easier said than done but the process is fun

WFF its the heat that makes one CBA (that said, I dunno what my excuse is I'm ALWAYS like that)

WFF the company was linked to on S&B the other day (I'm currently on a 'supporting British manufacturing' drive, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ) it's an illness .

I've been cycling every day in an effort to subdue the old libido. Only partly successful, perhaps I need to go over more cobblestones.

Could I just jump in and ask why you don't have profiles on PoF and OKC at the same time. Wouldn't you get more hits, traffic, people interested that way?

I think some of us do take that approach Alice, I'm on MA and okc. Different sites seem to work for different people, I've had most success with MA but a lot of people think it's complete cack.

Hello and welcome by the way ( ignore me of you've been here before and my poor, befuddled memory has failed again)

I've got some really nice contact on POF today. AIBU to be bumping to the top of the list some dude who has shirtless photographs "proving" he likes the gym? He's obviously got an amazing personality yadda yadda yadda.

Does anyone here have a toddler/younger child??