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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

999 replies

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 18/07/2013 21:04

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. They should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
OP posts:
Djangounhinged · 26/07/2013 16:53

Thanks Lorna for those thoughts. I texted him this morning and he has since replied, but I'm sensing a lack of interest.... So my instinct from last night may have been right - he'd have me if I was keen, but isn't going to put a lot of effort in to ensuring that... Stuff that!

However if he's just busy today or distracted or tired or whatever, and comes back with a bit more effort, I might give him another try - I do think alcohol would help. I did find some bits of him attractive - nice eyes, nice smile, and I think probably quite a fit bod - but other bits made me wince a bit (tiny hands! and a bit scruffy).

There must be something there for me, otherwise I'd happily just text him a farewell... So we'll see! Going to spend my Friday eve with a large glass of white and my new POF profile (hidden, of course), see if I can get some new chat going :). Not expecting to find many Germans in my neck of the woods though!

Welcome Eglute! I agree with others that while OD seems pretty artificial, it's also quite efficient, can be a good laugh (you need to have your thick skin in place though), and is good for those of us with DCs, no single friends, and dislike of shabby nightclubs. Which site(s) are you using?

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 16:58

ooh he emailed back. Feel a bit teenage

This is gonna crash and burn isn't it :D

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 17:00

Django I know what you mean re tiny hands! that's just odd :D

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 17:01

Feels a bit odd to be texting how much we like eachother before we slept together (but that's my body issues talking probably).

As in: once you've seen me you might not like me so much. Urgh. But then I wouldn't judge abloke on a scar or 2 so I shouldn't assume they do.

Djangounhinged · 26/07/2013 17:05

Yeah and he's a big guy as well, so the hands seem even tinier.... Hmm

Hostess I'm quite liking the sound of Cityboy - and your excitedness about him! That's what dating should be about! Smile

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 17:07

I'm def excited. Which I have not been in some time. German and Marxist were a big amiable yawn generally but this one has some edge.

Edge could however mean 'wanker' underneath, I'm aware of this :D

OD experience this time round has been limited to the above plus appalling one night stand with extremely young tosser so it's about time things turned.... :)

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 17:21

Guys need advice: felt I was pushing a bit with Woody, me texting him first this week. Thought things were going well spent all day Saturday with him and then Sunday he invited me to his fir lunch . Texts after I got home and as I paid for lunch he said he'd do " next time" . Monday I text him then again Tuesday brief convo all pleasant .
Then I thought ok weds let him text me.... Nothing Thursday ... Nothing ..... Hmmm .
Really tempted to text him just to say hi and invite him over next weekend but should I just wait??? Also if he's not interested I'd just rather know so I can plod on!!
New to all this what's the etiquette / protocol???

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 17:27

over I would text. If he's interested he'll reply. There could be many reasons for a brief silence. But if you text a few times and nothing or just 'meh' texts it may mean 'move on'! Not sure- depends on what's going on for him

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 17:30

I suspect he's not a rusher but gawd one of us could die waiting!!
Also noticed he was back on pof yesterday but then so was I ( mainly checking if he was !!! ) I also got asked on another date so don't want to blow him out waiting ....
[hangs head in shame emoticon]

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 17:32

no we all do that surely? Go back and check for messages? it's the only way you can read them. No need for shame at all :)

lurkinglorna · 26/07/2013 17:38

i'd probably "soft sell" text him?

i think the trick is to express interest and find out what the lie of the land is, but in a way that the other person can easily drift away if they're not that into you?

of course you're not like this Smile but don't make it anxious or aggressive or with an insecure apologetic "well you probably don't want to see me anyway, do you?" tone (I've had texts like that from chaps, never good to receive one! Confused).

just something short and positive and factual:

word it like:

"do let me know if your schedule says you can catch up this weekend, would be nice to see you!".

if he sends back nothing or something "meh" i'd let it drift away personally.

lurkinglorna · 26/07/2013 17:39

so you've left the door open, and he can easily walk through it, but you're not dragging or guilt tripping him through it Smile

crap metaphors for the weekend

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 17:41

Just sent him a 'hi ' text which he's read.... Will wait and see....

Djangounhinged · 26/07/2013 17:41

Yeah I'd agree with that approach. And if you're keen on the other guy, I'd set a date with him too :)

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 18:28

Yay he text wohoooo !!

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 18:28

( needs to get a life)

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 19:52

Oh well Looks like its all off anyhow! I asked him over and he said he wasn't sure about us but we could be friends ( BOAK) I said hey no problem but no thanks (: oh well he was a good practice run!!

lurkinglorna · 26/07/2013 20:00

onwards and upwards overtheraenbow Smile you know now to stop thinking about this guy better than letting things linger for weeks - get back on pof, accept that other date, etc.

Overtheraenbow · 26/07/2013 20:14

Thanks lorna not sure about the other guy he's not my 'type' , but then on paper this one was... Maybe I don't have a type!! And there were a few things that reminded me of my ex.....hmmm!

akaWisey · 26/07/2013 20:16

Well i had a first date lined up for tomorrow which I was actually looking forward to. It's the last OD before my membership ends.

He'd viewed me and sent a 'hello' message some weeks ago. I did the same and then he sent a 'well off to do stuff now' and then nothing. So I likewise didn't respond. Until last week when he asked me on a date for a specific event which is happening in my town this weekend. Even gave me his mobile number so "we can have a more meaningful chat than messaging on the site". I didn't call him, but accepted the date and off we went (or so I thought).

He texted me last night (as he said he would) to say he'd be in touch today to arrange time and place to meet. Text just arrived: "forget tomorrow, weather going to be absolutely awful. (it is, by the way).If you wish I could come down next friday".

I said " I know, next Fri is fine". That's it. Now I think hang on a minute. It's rain, not a fucking typhoon. I'm of a mind to text back and say if a bit of rain (ok quite a lot is forecast but not at the time of day we were planning to meet) puts him off, then lets not bother.

AIBU? Wise daters?

akaWisey · 26/07/2013 20:18

It was the event he wanted to come for - not me Sad.

KinNora · 26/07/2013 20:22

For what's it worth Wisey I think his behaviour both with the intermittent messaging and then the rain phobia would make me disinclined to trust a word that came out of his gob.
Disclaimer : more reasonable people than me might have an alternative point of view.

hostesswithleastest · 26/07/2013 20:25

akaWisey I think your 'meh' feeling is right here. He's hedging.

akaWisey · 26/07/2013 20:26

OK, I'm going to text back and tell him it's all off.

akaWisey · 26/07/2013 20:28

"If you wish I could come down next Friday". If YOU WISH?

I thought dating was supposed to be something both people wanted to do. I feel like he feels like he's doing me a favour. AIBU now?

Want to text something with teeth now.