Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Lorna - I don't think you're meant to take the Dating rule "You are the prize" quite so literally..

Damn you nora, I then clicked on '30 nerdy wedding invitations' & have gone all pie-eyed and wishful. grrrrrr!

Martini I've just seen your other thread. Haven't posted on there as you have some good advice, but I wanted to ask if you're okay. Is there someone you can talk to about this as it sounds pretty scary and basically that you were frightened into having sex when you didn't want to.

The Rape Crisis people can offer a listening ear and understanding so you can talk this through - I think they're sadly well used to situations like this even if you don't want to put a label on it.

Or post on here, of course, there's always someone around to talk.

I've just skim read the last few pages so excuse me if I get everything wrong.

Martini are you ok ? Will try to find your other thread in a mo.

I don't have a spy profile and now I feel like I'm missing out, I may make one later if I can be arsed.

Lorna I keep getting confused about your men - European is Bad Sex Man ?

Joblot sorry the youngster turned out to be a bit hatstand after all your hassle trying to find likely prospects, are thing's improving any ?

OWW do you think Alpha has some kind of sexual function issues/worries ? If you remember Showbiz had (without wanting to air his underpant issues in public ) a problem, it obviously preyed on his mind and he eventually wapped it out in an email, as he wanted to be open with me before the relationship moved on, perhaps Alpha's trying to pluck up his courage.

Bant I always imagined you being like No 10, The Pharoah, cutting a dash through the streets of Hungary.
Dunno about Aruba, although I do have previous for agreeing to share a bed on the understanding that I wouldn't be playing Mr Wobbly hides his helmet so I kind of get that but she does seem to be slightly less than straightforward in her dealings with you.

My current OD selection box features Backpack from GSM who is well keen but has that terrible whiff of wholemeal worthiness about him, Business Bloke who likes me now but will go right off me as soon as it becomes apparent I won't be able to treat him with the respect he's accustomed to and Hot Tub - funny-check, irreverent-check, original-check, pleasingly solid-check, not Hugh Heffner (I asked due to his hot tub mention) - check.

Talent is intermittently flirty but I'm not sure how much longer I can be mithered with something that's not going to move on.

Thread air kiss.

30 nerdy wedding invitations ? Where? Where ?

Click on the 'grrrrr' in my last message. :)

Ohhh I feel sheepish now, I didn't see the coloured text. Some of those were lovely, almost worth getting married for. ( I can also recommend 38 people who shouldn't be allowed to use the Internet )

hey :)

Well, I lurked on several threads, popped my head into another but had doubts about posting info. Am now thinking fuck it. I don't think I can read any more about the adventures of Bant without starting to post

Am separated from H, moved out 15 months ago and have ended up accidentally dating, somehow. Had no real intention of it

I ventured onto Tastebuds, which is only half a dating site, I went there to find gig buddies and music stuff really, but a guy (I'm naming him Morrissey) messaged me and we talked for a few weeks until he asked me out. We've been out a few times, had sex, and I like him. We've not talked about what the relationship IS, in terms of seeing other people, or anything like that. Thing is, he NEVER asks me anything about myself. He's clearly interested, asks to see me again, we text several times a day and if affectionate when I see him. We've been out for dinner, cinema and conversation is good. We get on well, have a laugh. But he knows next to nothing about me. It's weird, right?

Nora MWAH back at you. your OD dance card sounds good!

i had TWO european "prospects".

Scandinavian was e-mailing for couple months via match.com, he suggested flying over and i forgot i was on holiday, then finally met up last week or week before.

good date, CRAP sex and decided to do no contact afterwards as was a bit pushy about ?no condom? ? instincts say "dodgy". found the unsolicited invite to brothers wedding amusing but that's it. irrelevant to my future now as i didn't reply to his text and won't reply to his e-mail - if i was "mates" with every guy i've had a bad ONS with my calendar would look very weird...

European: flemish guy got posted locally for work. contacted me via POF and we've been on for ..ooh...2 weeks so very new?

we?re lovers now and been seeing each other regular, he works away a fair bit.

think he's related to your "Business Bloke" as in "I am solid corporate guy and my missus must work round my schedule" .

no spectacular fireworks but attraction growing on my part so open and interested to see how this pans out? and its fairly nice getting some cock

so only one european now

(plus 2 guys ?on my dance card? for when i move.

both military ex lovers so stand up guys good for romantic flings - obviously being a full time milly WAG is something that sounds like much hard work - but ONE of them i reckon could seriously consider - we dated much of last year and worked fine - wait and see!)

Pfft the main thing is "do YOU feel comfortable with the guy and the situation"?

I reckon its not down to saying something "looks weird" from the outside, your feelings are what matters here?

There's no right or wrong way to date someone or have them as a lover - its more identifying what YOUR needs are and then seeing if they are being met?

If your objective is to have someone to share thoughts and ideas with and who is curious about your day, then this guy doesn't meet that objective...But then again you might be happy with the status quo? (personally I don't love big meaning of life discussions, especially when I'm getting to know someone, so a bit of sex and a night out does me fine! )

If Morrissey is the first guy you've dated since breakup, you might want to OD more to see what else is out there? Or maybe you're happy with things as they are? Are you interested in working towards a relationship?

ps Those aren't "questions you need to post the answers to on this thread" - more questions to think about yourself?

Django rain's stopped here, did you get onto the beach?

I tell you what Lorna I admire your veritable smorgasbord of chaps.
I remember you saying about the condom refusenik - agree, dodgy and well rid.

Never had a relationship with anyone who is/was in the military or any uniformed service, am I missing out ?

The adventures of bant? I should write a book. Or at least a small informative brochure.

So Aruba is on her way round to mine for a sleepover, brandishing a bottle of wine and a salad. I was mildly panicked that I had to clean, but luckily FrenchGirl tidied my place at the weekend. So unexpected benefits, etc etc.

I'm mildly put out that she's invited herself round, as I'd assumed we'd be at hers when I suggested seeing if I could be trusted tonight. But as far as she's concerned I could be married or something.

So. We'll see. No sex please, I'm British

Hello to all. Draco, have you worked out whether you talk about yourself even when unasked? I know CheshireCat didn't ask me any questions but did know stuff about me. Sometimes things just come out naturally without an interview.
Martini, hope you're okay

You are so getting laid bant

thanks Nora it LOOKS a lot, but practically the only one i'm gonna be seeing IRL is the European (or hope to be seeing, we haven't gotta next date in the diary and no texts today) . So might be back on POF in a week but lets see what happens...

military chaps? erm my experience very masculine and passionate, always pleased to see you. GREAT sex as needs to be fitted into short period of time. good for lovers but i'd personally think twice for full time.

of course it depends who the "man" is i suppose, its just their job and you get idiots and good guys in all roles? lots of commuting and hotel rooms and last minute scheduling which i found kind of romantic.

i'm too old and dull to have dated a soldier so stuck to officers. depending on regiment/branch of military "can" be a bit starchy and class obsessed. which doesn't affect me as i can't/don't/won't take that shit seriously. its all slaggy totty to me and i'm immigrant so a bit of an outsider anyway! (but sometimes you are sat there thinking "come the revolution you'll be first up against the wall" )

Thanks everyone. I've only just got home. I think it's just the realisation today of what could've happened. There was just one moment when I felt terrified and thought 'If I don't do this, he is going to do it anyway' :-(

Draco I rarely actually ask people about themselves and don't like being asked myself either - I much prefer steering the conversation in a certain direction and if you get along well the information will just come out naturally. I don't mean I never ask questions, btw, but not "interview style" ones. So he may well know a lot more about you than you think. Is the underlying problem that you think he's not interested in you as a person, finding out about what makes you tick?

Bant the reason she's coming round to yours is probably to check that you're not married and have a bit of a nosy ...

Nora HotTub!! Ooohhh!!! Meet him, meet him, meet him!
That's a possibility about Alpha, and/or he just wants to take things very slowly. It is frustrating, but it has its advantages too. I've realised I feel better taking things steady too, but a little faster than this! Still, he's lovely. I'll wait and see at least for a while.

Martini that is really frightening, and I'm sure it's going to be on your mind a lot as you process what's happened. Vile thing for him to do. I think you were very cool-headed and brave. When did this happen?

It was yesterday afternoon. I thought I was ok with it but I just know something about the whole thing isn't right. I've felt weird and on edge all day but couldn't work out why.

Thanks, Lorna - I have been out on a few other dates that just weren't right, and I'm certainly not keen on just jumping in for the sake of it. I'll think on your questions though.

bant - I dont talk about myself, no.

I generally keep myself to myself. But he doesn't even know my second name! Maybe that's not odd, I suppose to me it translates as him not being interested. Though the rest of his behaviour doesn't match up with this. I think I'll just wait and see. I think the main issue is I'm not used to dating! When I was doing it, you just started "going out" with someone, who was usually pretty close to a stranger!

I hope you know that I've been very entertained reading your stories. Hope it doesn't verge on stalkerish.

martini you poor love.

Martini I've just read your most recent post on the other thread and if you said no and he didn't stop then that's rape, love. I'd really think about phoning rape crisis. I have a close friend who was raped, and they were brilliant at helping her and just giving her a place to talk through what happened.

The feeling weird is not surprising at all - you've been through a horrible, horrible experience and you are doing brilliantly. I think it's quite common to minimise what's happened to make it easier to cope with but he's done something very, very wrong to you. You might not want to think about this at the moment, but do see if you're up to calling the police. Again, I've been through this with my friend and the police were fantastic.

Have you told anyone about this? It might help to get some real life support if you're able.

So sorry this happened.

Ok so earlier I updated about date with mr rich, I also had a date with mr workaholic last night.

Hopefully some of you will remember him as he has been around for years now. And he has been an arse alot of the time, we keep getting back to gether and breaking up, but I never feel fully in a relationship with him.

So we went out for dinner last night and had a nice evening, its weird as he can blow very cold sometimes, but other times seems very geniune and looks at me like he actually loves me. (he has recently started telling me that he loves me, I havnt said it back).

I mean I had completely written him off last time and now I am thinking hmm he can be sweet at times and is maing an effort.

But I feel overall that he cannot meet my needs and I probably am not willing to meet his needs. Although he doesn't seem to have many.

I used to just let him come round to my house in the evenings when dd was in bed and we would usually sleep together. So since we started talking this time he has been suggesting coming round in the evenings. But I felt like he is just using me for sex, so I told him this and he suggested taking me out for a date. So I guess he is making an effort, but i just dont think we have the same outlook or longterm goals etc.

Thanks for the support. It doesn't feel like rape and I don't really want to go to the police. It just wasn't right and I don't want to see him again. I think I'm going to feel uneasy to contact is totally broken.