Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Back home. Got burgers from a posh restaurant to take out, went up and sat in a park overlooking the city lights and ate them, then snogged in the dark for a couple of hours.

She invited me back to hers :) to say her test of whether a man is trustworthy is if he can spend the night, and just sleep, nothing more. I could do that but I'm wearing contacts, didn't have a change of clothes and am so knackered I'd pass out within minutes. Plus if she tried anything seductive I'd cave very quickly. And I'm too knackered, loooong day at work and another tomorrow..

She's quirky in person, not batshit crazy. The emails don't do her justice.

She did, however, play Michael buble CDs in the car.

So Bant, does she now think you're not trustworthy? Or did you explain the contacts thing?

I'd forgive her the Buble, to be fair. Total step up from George Michael .

Glad it went well!

The youth turned funny so my early optimism that she was interesting and bright may well have been misreading paranoia/mental illness. We didn't meet and we won't,I've moved past drama, I'm flummoxed , but you never know what's going on in someone's real life do you?

Lorna I'm very jealous, you may not fancy him but at least you get a date...

django I will admit to a sinking heart when I first saw him, not just at his shortness, but his pix are very flattering!

But after four hours putting the world to rights and a bit of a snog, somehow neither of those things matter. He is lovely!

Also relieved that I arranged to take Dd2 shoe shopping first thing tomorrow or who knows where Iwould've ended up sleeping [shame]

thanks django ! i genuinely often actually think its "right" if men end up with others than me. not in a martyish way, i'm a good lover and like myself and i like men.

but i'm aware of my personal limitations and at this stage of life find giving 100% energy to a full time relationship difficult, whereas a lot of women can do so easily and naturally and are therefore a better choice? and don't get me started on men wanting kids, marriage, a stepmum, or someone to take to the mother in laws for tea!

Bant- glad it went well but her test sounds bonkers to me. But if it feels ok to you then thats what matters.

joblot yeah don't forget i'd have to get an outfit and a present too! hmmmm, what to do?.....

Ah that's brilliant Secret - I think it's such a tricky moment when the mental picture you've built up is instantly shattered by reality.... So glad you were able to look past that! And wow, sounding good for round 2!!

Lorna- I've usually found sex improves with practice so maybe the scand is a slow burner?

Joblot that's a shame re the young 'un. I'm amazed at how many people on OD make themselves out to be something they're not, then you meet them and they are... Well..... Just who they really are. How do they expect to kid you for more than one date? Just got to chalk it up to experience I guess

Lorna you're very self aware - do you not find men are attracted to that, rather than someone who is 100% available? Or am I seeing that from a female perspective? I know which I'd find more appealing!

It was a strange carry on, and I wonder if she's sweet -trolleying. And confusing me with someone else. She called off the date because she thought it was 'a set up'. I had absolutely no idea what she was on about. It made no sense. Weird

mmm, joblot, definitely not staying in touch with him

was a bit funny about using a condom, made me uncomfortable? and sort of tried to "guilt" me into doing more than i wanted to? so i'm not going down that path again

surprised he's e-mailed as i ignored the text he sent me after the bad sex! it read something like

"you're beautiful, sorry to disappoint you."

now maybe i'm heartless, but to me that came across as VERY passive aggressive.

so i then needed to get into a dialogue where i reassured him, told him the shit sex was amazing....and then before i know it i'm playing counsellor and keeping in touch

when for me etiquette would say just "wish all the best" and disappear? its like what you said about the youth promising "drama" - this situation just promises drama so i'm letting it fade out. the viking fantasy is over for me!

and no wedding outfit for me i think

Sorry I thought you were going to the wedding, how come he invited you? It's quite a statement isn't it?

I think I'm a little too simple for od. Maybe theres a high number of drama queens and kings online? I'm shit at drama

mmm interesting django i think they are and they aren't really!

i think initially most men are like "fuck yeah she goes like a steam train in bed and doesn't demand much apart from more than a hours notice to go to the cinema "

but i don't think men are as "sex driven" as is generally portrayed?

firstly i don't think they'd be fucking me if they weren't into the overall package. sorry if i'm misquoting, but i think bant said earlier he wouldn't sleep with a woman unless he thought things had at least the potential of progressing to something more serious, and that's certainly what i've found.

secondly, i think quite a few men are a bit perturbed by the lack of possessiveness as time goes on? like with the european, i think he was socially expecting i would "want" all his free time. erm, i like him but i don't.

and actually think the "carefree happy bachelor" thing isn't that clear cut, a lot of men - would be happier in the security of a good 1-1 relationship than "oh look i've got a different date every night of the week". and of course there is the worry of being alone as they get older, etc?

joblot no idea, trying his luck i guess? i'm chinese asian and i think he REALLY like that ethnicity (and maybe assumed i'm a bit simple and desperate with low standards).

i mean when i left his room i was very "naice" no need to kick a man when he's down, but the subtext and "feeling" was there that the chemistry was rubbish?

he did mention it on the night that he was overworked and would like the chance to meet in a different context/offer to fly me out to norway but i don't need to see fjords THAT badly weekend down brighton will do me fine!

are you looking for girls on POF? dunno what your age range is but they all look like KIDS to me? i think out of london/manchester the scene can be dire...

That's an interesting point re possessiveness - and possibly not very realistic for those of us (male and female) who already have kids, jobs, complex ex issues, childcare arrangements etc. I'd love to be able to devote all my free time to a serious relationship and give it the best chance of success - but it's never going to happen now!

'i've deleted my profile but have a...erm...spying one'
:o @ spying profile Lorna

(does everyone have one?)

'trustworthy test' seems daft to me..sounds like she's being a bit precious and 'I'm so irresistible, can you resist me'

or is she trying to say all men are sex pests until proven otherwise

then again it might be normal in hungarian culture so the way it looks from a british perspective is irrelevant

Oh god. I've got a date on Sunday. I have got way too involved with him. Too much messaging but it has been lovely. Arghhhhh I was trying to be sensible!!

Got the nerves big time for Sunday. My first daytime date!!!!!

In what way over involved pom? Easy to do sometimes. Wheres the date?

SS whoooooo!!!!! And yay for lovely men! Really glad it's gone well, lots to look forward to on Date 2

Bant it's difficult with Aruba as I'm just not sure what's acceptable/normal in Hungarian dating - sounds like things are quite different from here, so this could just be par for the course and what one does, rather than something odd. But it sounds good, anyway.

Job that all sounds very odd and strange and you're probably best out of it. Do you have anyone else in the pipeline at all? I think you're right, there are a lot of drama llamas online, as in real life - I think they are more difficult to spot straight away online though, and also messaging can be very ambiguous and easy to misunderstand, which maybe prompts some behaviour that seems odd but makes sense if you are reading something else into the communication - not saying that that is what's happened here, but I know I've previously got hold of the wrong end of the stick with what people have been saying so responses will have seemed a bit strange.

Lorna blimey, it's all happening with you and these blokes! So the Scandinavian is off the menu but the European is still on?

Pom really hope it goes well on Sunday. Just take a step back before then if you can, but there is a lot of enjoyment in anticipation (just as long as you're not going to be too disappointed if there's no spark there when you meet). What are you doing for your date?

Nora Ike (if you're lurking and I hope you are) Tigsy Hey WFF and all the rest of you - hope life is treating you well. 55 how are you doing? Hope you are feeling better about things. Looking forward to update from Juliette when in sight of land!

Lorna, your "spying" profile caught my attention too! Do lots of people have one? If my date tonight doesn't work out, I might try a new approach on POF for my next date!!

My date is a walk on the beach this evening..... Nerves have kicked in already, I'm over-invested already (Pom I could relate to your post!).... Just hope I like him as much in real life as I do via text.

Going to be a long day! Have a good one, everyone

Good luck for tonight Django - that sounds like a lovely date. No potential for a loo update though!