Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

hello! Is it ok to just jump in? I need a bit of dating advice from you experienced peeps. I've been seeing a guy for about 3months, LDR, met on t'internet. The short version is a) we had some lovely sex. Yes it was quite quick but we were both fine with that. b) Also had a very instant emotional and intellectual connection in the beginning but c) He is totally cooling off now the distance problem is kicking in. And to be honest so am I. We're in weird limbo land where we text every day but only once, and it's usually something pointless. Definitely not going to go anywhere.

I'm ok with that, and actually want to call it off myself. But I just need to know an ettiquette question really - should I ring and tell him, is email/text very bad form? We've only seen each other 5x due to the distance (but two of these were full weekends). Letting it fizzle out is an option but doesn't seem very polite?

tips welcome!

No way is an apparent lack of interest in sexy time an indication that Alpha doesn't find you attractive OWW otherwise why bother. It has got to the stage though where anyone would loose it and blurt 'do you want to fuck me or what?'.

choco...I can't give you any advise but I am glad to see you here as I was following your thread a while back and admired your strength :) I am also jumping in as just joined a dating site. I thought I was ready but apparently not as I already feel sick at the thought of having to trawl through weirdos who obviously contact any new person that joins!

Am on plenty of fish which I hear is not great, might have to upgrade and actually pay for membership. Thinking of Guardian soulmates...any advice?

Blimey Rose if he ever saw me in leggings that would nip any stirrings of carnal desire right in the bud!

I feel like his sodding Aunty Ethel - "nice dinner and a chat" ffs. I don't want to be friends with him, I want to have a proper relationship that includes sex. I get such mixed signals from him and I am totally confused. Everything apart from this tells me that he likes me, but this is a bit of a biggie isn't it?

Had loads of problems with Titto sexually - he ended up refusing to have sex, all a control/punishment thing and part of the general abusive shit, but the constant rejection was really difficult and I find it incredibly difficult to try and initiate things when I'm not sure if the other person is interested or not. I'm fine if I know I'm not making a fool of myself, but this is a very difficult situation for me because of my history. Really can't be more overt without a bit of reciprocation.

Juliette well I want to go to bed with him because I like (as in both fancy and think he's nice) him and I need to see if the sex side works before this goes much further. Not bothered about the challenge, not interested in that, and if I ever get desperate I have my old mucker the builder who would be happy to oblige. If Alpha does like me, and I've given him the green light, why is nothing happening?

Wine I sent LM the kind of text that makes it clear you're ending the conversation and he didn't reply. Went away very easily so why did he pop up again? Lorna unfortunately LM was vvvvvv good in bed despite being a total arse.

Mama hope you get a date sorted soon. If you want to send him a link, Rick Astley is your man (just to get everyone singing again).

I

OWW what you mean like

OWW, how bloody frustrating. Maybe go for the dinner and just raise the issue. Do kissing sessions ever get a bit full on?

Chicco, I think maybe a phone call would be best. I am a coward and would be tempted to text, but I would rather have a call I think.

I'm on pof. It's a mixed bag. I think it depends on where you live too. There's def some decent folk on there yet (it's just for some reason I'm not attracted to them and go for the utter arseholes instead!)

Hi Choco seeing as it seems to be mutual, I think texting (citing distance as the problem) would be okay here.

Welcome Bluebeard! Give PoF a chance - I've always found it to be okay and the same proportion of weirdos as paid sites (probably fewer than GSM which is a bit earnest and in this neck of the woods has a singularly unattractive selection of men on offer - picture a geography teachers' conference and you'll get the idea).

chocco I'd e-mail or text - I think a phone call would be embarrassing for both of you given its more of a "casual lovers" thing!

(just food for thought, do you necessarily need to take a solid "get rid of him" step if you aren't really "holding out for him" and he isn't "holding out for you"? can be useful to have someone on your books still...)

well I've SO just put the european on the Naughty Step.

we arranged to meet tomorrow night, but i get the vibe he wanted to see me earlier. yesterday i needed female alone time, but tonight was like "ok" to a rather last minute plan, instigated by him. i'd need to take my bike as my bank balance is dire right now.

i hinted i might be a little bit late, then he chivalrously offered to cover my taxi fare/give me a lift.

No, I lie. He sent me a message pointing out that i couldn't be late for the cinema and pointing out where the public transport stops nearby were?

i have sent him a snotty, but classy text saying "i'll speak to you tomorrow, but there appears to be an etiquette disagreement here"

Aaargh and now he's just sent a message saying he's busy tidying up in case he gets a VIP visitor ... Now I am totally confused.

winefiend my initial impulse involved phrases starting with f and ending with die, and having off in the middle got two "are you upset with me?" texts now. ffs!

yeah i reckon there's definitely a strong argument for having a non slaggy man to take us for risotto (i'm jealous, love risotto) and then a slaggy man to bend us over and make feel like a natural woman!

Looks like the situation is sorted then OWW!

sounds promising OWW, i'd just relax and "go with the flow" rather than make any assumptions about what it might mean

...and trim my fanny, and put clean knickers on....

Nope, no response.

Probably out on Friday then he's away for the week anyway.

This is actually not making me feel good and I'm looking at Rule 7 quite a lot ...

OWW I was about to ask if the "chat" was gearing up for a talk about ED issues, but your VIP update suggests he is considering the possibility of you coming back to his. I think at this point you have nothing to lose in being quite direct, either verbally or, err, other means.

Choco in the circumstances I think a text is fine, but leave the door open for a phone call.

Bluebeard I like GSM, but it's the only one I used. Never been dicked around by anyone on it, although you have to be much more proactive than PoF.

Oh oh OWW looks to me his VIP is OWW ( you are free fri right ?? )
I've only seen Woody 3 times but been in contact about 2 months in all (when together for very long dates ; this week 11 hours!) but as its taken 30 hours to get to a peck and a hug we may be a while yet!! How long have you been seeing Alpha OWW?

Suggestions from friends tonight include dropping a tube of Anne Summers lube out of my handbag ( classy!!) to asking him back for coffee ( lame) .
I mean I'm not asking him to ravish me though that would be nice but a proper kiss would be good . We sat at his at opposite ends of the sofa, in fact if we'd sat further apart we'd have fallen off the sofa ( hmmm maybe missed opportunity there!!)
I'm thinking if he doesn't make a move next time, I just might have to to be honest I'm too old and busy to mess around and as you also say OWW I don't need someone in my life who doesn't fancy the arse off me ( I had an exh for that!!)

Oww I naively thought his VIP visitor was katwill & the baybeeeeee.

If you manage to get his trousers down, I fully expect all of your pent up sexual ....sexualness to damn well go for it! This might be his best night evah!

Lucky man! :-D

Well it's a slow burner oww. I can see why you're unsure, he isn't being entirely clear, though hopefully you're the VIP....
I'm going on a date tomorrow with the youth. She is acceptably keen. I am reciprocally keen. And bored. And fed up of disappearers. It's hard not to fret about my comparative decrepitude.

ooh my "etiquette disagreement" escalated this evening!

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

after i tried to be all "nice and diplomatic and lets leave it and talk tomorrow" i got another text starting "I don't know why you are acting like this...."

My reply began "I completely resent that...." and had a lot of snotty phrases, too. I avoided any swearing, don't need that to put him in his place.

Then got "well lets just meet up tomorrow and forget about/drop this"

WHAT? erm, where's my apology dude?

To add confusion, I now have a jacket he lent me on Saturday night. I have his work address, but not sure how diplomatic it will be to return it there provided i don't just give in and go for passionate post argument make up sex after i MAKE him apologise-?

Sorry lorna, I completely understand where he's coming from. It's not his responsibility to pay for you. He presumably doesn't know you can't afford the taxi or leave on time to get to the cinema.

It would annoy me if someone acted like this, he may be trying to be romantic or spontaneous and you're c

Coplaining that he won't pay for your cab fare? That doesn't look good..