Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Oops! 'Not drenching' and too many knowings - if only!

joblot my sister is gay and she met her partner through OD and her partner is 18 years younger and they have been together 2 years now

bant I think Aruba sounds a bit desperate and needy .. And yes a bit bunny boilerish like the artist

I know it can be done. I'm not sure it's a long term prospect- I may be shallow but someone would have tobe pretty dspecial for me to date them in their late 60s.

This thread is a godsend- such a variety of bizarre dating experiences and related angst.

kirsty how is your sisters relationship viewed? Do they get grief for the age gap?

Aruba may not be desperate and needy - she's sent me a strange email which took several people to decode, and a bunch of her favourite songs on YouTube. That's not in itself a crime, she could just be really really into music which I don't like.

I wouldn't do that myself, as it would come across as a bit weird and needy I think if I sent my favourite romantic tracks to a woman I'd met twice, especially 5 in a row at 7am.

I'm not sure if it can count as bunny boilerish (yet) - it's just an example of how coming across as too keen can put people off.

If she hadn't sent me those emails, if she'd remained cool and aloof a bit more, I wouldn't be worrying about my bunnies. She could be sitting at home looking up stuff on Youtube, rocking backwards and forwards in her chair imagining walking down the aisle with me and yet I wouldn't know it, so wouldn't be worried.

But now she's sent a few songs she likes, I am a bit worried that she's investing too much. So I'm emotionally backing off a bit. Can't help it.

She sounds smitten. Which is sweet but unattractive when not reciprocated. Cant remember last time I sent someone my fave songs. Must dig out the jive bunny albums.

I had a mate who was in a jive bunny video. None in Chris De Burgh videos though

joblot I didn't know about the age gap at first as my sister's partner is quite mature and so I assumed she was older than she is .. No one has any issues with them that I know .. My sister is 42 .. My other sister is 40 and her male partner is 55 and they've been together 12 years .. Seems to work for them

Right - I've told her I haven't had the chance to listen to the songs, and there were so many of them.. :)

Also I've told her she can choose where to go tomorrow night - I chose the last two places. That way she can either suggest a favourite restaurant or I said she could even cook for me :) I told her I couldn't cook for her because it takes me so long to find the ingredients, what with them all being in a foreign language and all.

I have no idea what the Hungarisch for water chestnuts, garlic paste, chilli powder, greek yoghurt etc are - and you can't get the things here that you'd get in Tesco. Containers that look familiar have completely different foodstuffs in them. They don't show pictures of the food itself, quite often, just a generic picture of a stew containing it somewhere.

So food shopping is a slow process. Pick up a packet, read it, google translate it, say 'oh, fancy that. yuk' then put it down again. Repeat until store closes then go buy a pizza.

So. Aruba can cook, or we can go out somewhere. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. If I dump someone because they're smitten by me, I'm not going to get far. I like to think I'm smitworthy

hmmmmm, bant .

could the issue be more you're ambiguous about her anyway because of the frenchgirl situation?

i do believe if you're actually really keen on someone, the "oh they've done X which is a bit weird and tacky and annoying" arguments melt away?

ok maybe texts/long phone calls can be time disruptive and demand input from you. but e-mails just sit in your inbox and you can read or not read them at your leisure, no?

also i gather they're not demanding a response - she's not "i want to come over right away" and doesn't want to move the 3rd date to "i want to see you TONIGHT"?

some people share a lot of shit like music, films, interesting links with their friends. i agree its not my style at all and a bit annoying and shit taste is shit taste and i ignore most of them - but i reckon coming from someone we REALLY fancy its cute and very forgivable?

like last guy i was seriously in love with, i don't mean i was ignoring red flags or serious bad behaviour, but things that would've been with someone i DIDN'T like that much were ok with him?

someone else kissing me without brushing teeth : "that's disgusting and inconsiderate, NEXT"

ex kissing me without brushing teeth: "well i'll try it out, being open is good - that's kind of nice!"

ex suggesting spending 3 day together soon in relationship: "awesome, great sex and more time together, i'm so lucky, when can i book the days off?"

someone else suggesting 3 days together : "oh no, i can't spend all that time with someone so soon in an interaction, they're needy, RED FLAG"

someone else doing all the "mushy shit" like putting me in bath to ...erm..MAgic FM : "eurgh, so creepy and tacky!"

ex putting me in bath to Magic Fm : "wow, romance is nice!"

cross post! enjoy your date bant

bant this might be a spectacular post-frenchy rebound, might it? You seemed to have invested in Frenchie a bit (bearing in mind you are also in decree-absolute land) and you've DTD, so there are post-sex hormones flying around, which cloud the waters somewhat. awful musical taste in itself is not really an issue - that's the great thing about going out with someone - you get to hear new stuff and your horizons expand who knows, you might get to like George Michael the frequency of contact might be a bit of a worry, but, again that might be the post-sex 'whoop! I met someone lovely!' stuff. dunno. Look after your bunnies.

I sent nameless a youtube link to the ells, 'i like the way this is going' after a few weeks. i did, the eels are fab and it wasn't unbearably mushy. I've managed to not keep doing it...

with regard to nameless, things are still very lovely indeed - was around his last night after his week at his parents (he came back on Sunday and asked to see me last night) he's taken to saying, 'I feel really close to you' after sex or 'the holiday made me feel a lot closer to you', which I am translating as 'I love you, marry me, lets grow old together, hooray!' I am absolutely not pre-empting this, but I am possibly on the edge of blurting out an 'I love you' but I can't think of the best moment, or how to not be an idiot about it. It tends to cross my mind every so often, like when we're having sex he's making me a cup of tea or toasting a pita bread and I think it's reasonable to put those emotions down to his tea making prowess rather than any actual thing. I'm over-thinking this, aren't I?

thread wave!

Lorna-when you've got your rose tinted specs on for someone everything they do is filtered through that soft sweet pink lens

when the mist clears we are astounded at the things we put up with:o

Lorna - yep, I agree - if you're very keen on someone then waking up to them sending 5 of their favourite songs to you is sweet and lovely. If you think someone's okay, attractive, interesting, maybe this could lead to something and you wake up to the same thing it's more a case of 'woah there, hang on'

If your boyfriend suggests going on holiday together to Iceland, that's romantic. If a bloke you've just met on a first or second date does it, that's probably going to be way too full on and maybe a bit creepy.

FrenchGirl or not, I'd be a bit taken aback by too much enthusiasm at this stage. I'm keeping an eye out for red flags.

In all my dates from OD in the last year, I've only actually been really smitten by one person - the Amazing Vanishing Historian. She was attractive, interesting, had amazing eyes, and was a little standoffish but not too much. She disappeared before our third date because she'd got together with an ex. Other than that there was a lot of sexual chemistry with the Artist, I was attracted to and intrigued by Buffy, all the others have been either okay or a bit meh.

Aruba has potential but I'm not smitten yet. And if I'm not smitten by her now, will I ever be?

hi everyone - I am a lurker - was on the original thread - where have all the fit and interesting men gone, then got involved with an exbf for five and a half years - that's all gone wrong so am redipping my toe again!

Met up with a guy who I met up with last time I was actively dating - think he's a player!. When we met recently although I enjoyed myself kept thinking - you're not exbf!

So maybe I am not really ready to go back into world of online dating? But on the other hand when will I ever be ready.

I don't want a partner or relationship for the sake of it but I do like male company.

Had an online chat with another guy who seemed quite nice the other night and an email from a very fit guy who I was instantly attracted to - I've emailed him but as yet no reply.

Anyway the more pressing issue is that I have also been in contact with local guy who is prob a bit too young for me - we've been texting and arranged to meet up at the weekend go to park for a couple of hours- if weather is good.

He's sort of irritating me though already - we've exchanged photos - all good - but for example yesterday I said I had to have a nap because I'd been up early and the heat got to me - and he texted - where's my invite? I know it's a joke and it may have been the mood I was in yesterday but later he texted what was I up to that evening and I just didn't reply. CBA

I mean I haven't even met him yet and know from past experience that there may be zero chemistry when we meet. He is being a bit presumptive I think?

I am debating whether to text him saying I fell asleep last night or leave it.

Normally I can't keep up with this thread too well but as I am on leave might be a bit easier.

yeah definitely feel you there bant!

i think i'm not smitten with the european yet! i like him, i fancy him, i enjoy hearing from him, but if i never saw him again, i'd be "well ok then"

and as i'm past the "craving the big white dress" stage, is there actually any point in having a lover who is the "practical option"?

even the last guy i was in love with, i was "keen but not THAT keen" on him, i cried when we split up, but i wasn't devastated was out cycling next day and all

there's a great line in a song i know about "things are never easier than the first time". I try not to be cynical, but its harder and harder to "emotionally lose myself" as the years go on?

you know if i had a time machine from when i was a weird 14 year old, Id be very impressed with the kind of man i have as an admirer now?

but now i think all that dating/life experience means i have a strong sense of "oh, but if this doesn't work out something more exciting can and will be round the corner. meh"

I only ever become smitten after the deed has been done, then again, often, after the deed has been done I never want to see them again.

Smitten-ness is unpredictable in my experience, it waxes & wanes according to obscure laws
and it's a rather uncomfortable state to be in...as is being the recipient of unrequited smite

but now i think all that dating/life experience means i have a strong sense of "oh, but if this doesn't work out something more exciting can and will be round the corner. meh..

... whereas I think I'm just a grumpy fucker...

mercury

sincitylover

hi, re: local guy I'd leave it?

you're annoyed by him already, there are other options, and yeah i think often people who are a bit "weird" and socially inept in texting are even worse IRL.....

bant dude you can call yourself grumpy, but whenever you post i think of song

Erm... why?

if I was inclined to send links to music video's (like...maybe when I was about 15 years old) I might send one and see what the response was, if it was enthusiastic I may send more.
But I'd not send more if the other person didnt reciprocate.

There are things that I'm enthusiastic & passionate about, but I not mention them much if the other person clearly wasnt into it...I mean I'd not go on about books unless someone else clearly liked to read alot

SCL, hello. Don't tell me it's 5 1/2 years since that thread was going . If local guy is annoying you then I would tell him to back off and stick to the plans or forget him.

Seeing LT soon, maybe for the last time. I am going to suggest that we take a long break from each other and see what happens. I might even think about ODing again when I'm feeling better. How open is match.com. Can everyone see you on there or do they have to pay up?

I think 'smit' can grow. I think overwhelming smiten-ness at the get-go can be a bit of a red flag, you don't know everything about a person - you might be nailing your colours to the mast too soon and then as you get to know someone you might minimise their behaviour to account for your initial declaration.

i am incredibly tempted to find a Flemish love song on youtube and send it to the european, just to see what happens