Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

It does sound creepy service, but sometimes that's okay.

Aruba is sounding weirder by the hour. And she just sent me a YouTube link to her favourite Craig David song, which may possibly be unforgivable.

Secretservice

good luck with "SmoothJazz", why do you need cold water? its good to be enthusiastic about meeting someone, as long as you're not picking baby names and sending them to him?!

OD, i don't think i've ever had a good date/good attraction with someone where i've thought "oh meh" beforehand - i don't think great contact before GUARANTEES they'll be great in person, but it doesn't mean they're gonna be a let down?

Bant nowt wrong with a bit of the Southampton crooner!

which one does she like? was it "seven days", is she hinting you need to start with a bottle of moet for two then make love the rest of the week?

bant your antics with Aruba have me in stitches!

FakeTim has been emailing today trying to justify why he had photos which weren't of himself on his profile. His reason? He's shy. Pffffft! He says he's gutted and feels terrible etc. etc.

Well lets hope I don't end up the same way spangled..

I'm sorry, faketim had photos of someone else? That's really special.

spangled how weird!

i mean surely the way to erm...prove he's not some smelly weirdo who steals others pictures so he can get women to e-mail him....is to actually agree to meet in person and follow through?

did you see THIS article? some creepy people out there!

bant - haha! I hope you don't either :)

I read about that story lorna which is what made me do the google image search on his photos!

I questioned him on it a week ago but he was (allegedly) on holiday until Saturday/Sunday. On Saturday his profile disappeared on POF (I was being creepy and checking...) but he emailed me yesterday saying he didn't know what I was talking about. It was only when I sent him a screenshot of my search results that he owned up. God knows who he is really, eh?!

Hillman has been texting today...I've got a migraine and he's being nice :)

bant when is creepy ever ok?

Hence forward just SJ then! Of course he'll have disappeared by the weekend, so it probably doesn't matter too much!

lurking it's bad because I haven't seemed to have mastered the balance between enthusiasm and insouciance! I've realised I'm a boundaries all up or all down, and enthusiasm seems to blast the wall away leaving not even a shallow foundation! And boundaries up seems to get me second dates, boundaries down gets me a shag and a thanks but no thanks text. I need a third way!

Hello everyone,

I've not been on for weeks. Life took over!! Work has been crazy (and I love it), had a little trip to Butlins (I was dreading it but had the best time!!), developed a bit of an actual social life that involves chatting to people in real life not on Internet and now chatting to a nice man on pof. Not sure if I will meet him but I'm good either way. I'm moving out of my desperate single phase to a much more chilled happy with my lot phase. Life feels good!! It has taken me over 2 years to get here so I am making most of it!

I've been trying catch up on everyone's story - hello to the newbies!

Bant- gutted for you about frenchie. If I'm honest, I'm not loving the vibe of Aruba. She's okay for now but think you deserve something more.

Jules - yay yay yay for you and dutchie! Love it

Bill - love your approach to moon girl. You deserve to have someone that treats you the way you treat them. You are more than someone's pick me up!

Oww - LM is sooooooo 6 months ago. Give alpha a chance. He may not be full on bedroom fun now but sounds like he needs to get his confidence. I think it's better that he's like this than romancing every woman that chats to him. At least you know he means it. Does that make sense?!

Lubes - whit woo!! You look so happy on your pics!!

Kin - you know what you are doing with spud. Just make sure he isn't a scab that you keep picking and give yourself pain. Horrible analogy but you know what I mean.

T - ditch that boy. He is not for you - you deserve someone that will treat you properly not just when he hasn't got a holiday coming up. It's normal to overanalyse - I would be the same. He is playing games. Not worth your time.

Snape - love that you are still loved up!!!! Big smiles

Waving to anyone I've missed!!!

secretservice you seem fine!

third way? assuming your goal is "more dates before shagging" whereas an old slapper like me likes some cock with my cocktails so i don't apply this myself

i think the best way is to cut down on booze on dates, go for afternoon coffee or lunch, avoid each other houses and sofas and of course don't be unfriendly but not so much "flirty talk".

so just watch the locations/planning! its like the "back to mine for coffee or a drink" is "code" in my opinion for "lets have some naughty time". or if you're in a bump and grind club or a SMOOTH JAZZ one .

whereas cinema where you are both driving in, its pretty hard to get it on without some serious planning!

and of course "three date" rules are bollocks, but work on your instincts and picker so you know that the guy is seeing you within the context of longer term dating before the sex. overall remember having a shag is nothing to be ashamed of though especially if its a good one

yay for caring men "spangled"

Hello all still lurking just never time to post!!
So met The Woodcutter again on sat. Nice time apart from when he dozed of in the quiet bit of play ( I said to my mum I never had a date doze off before, she said dryly you never dated a 50 year old before!! True tho!!) also went to his and then for quiet pub lunch on Sunday! He seems nice, quick kiss sat night, he asked first!! Then peck yesterday , bit disappointed really , not that I'm desperate for a shag I am

Confession , I checked him out on Linkdin today (all checks out ) but should I fess up?

Raen how long have you been seeing him for? I'm just asking because he's around the same age as Alpha who is also progressing very slowly.

News just in - went on Match as I'm going to hide my profile as I'm not currently looking (can't find how to do this on the mobile site btw - does anyone know how?) and Alpha's profile is not there. Interesting ...

Well that bodes well OWW. It's looking like you've found an old fashioned one!

Secret only because you requested cold water... Everyone I've been actively excited about based on messaging has been a let down in real life. But someone has to buck that trend!

I actually laughed out loud at Craig David.

Evening all. just on way home from date so havent had a chance ti catch il yet.
Sorry I didn't manage a loo update! Well date went well but as much as I wanted to I just don't think I fancied him. And on paper he was perfect. Hmm.

Just caught up with this afternoon's postings and what with FakeTim and Aruba this thread has gone beyond weird into the territory of the positively surreal.

Hill man sounds a much better plan, Boots. Hope you're feeling better soon.

SS no blooming cold water from me - just enjoy it. And if he's no good when you meet, at least you'll have enjoyed the anticipation. Hope it's good - what are you doing?

Hello lovely Pom whose life is going brilliantly and is now insouciance personified! Glad you had a good holiday.

Raen - nothing wrong with checking him out. Having been caught out by failing to google in the past, I am now a convert and had help from people on here to give Alpha a good going over (all seems to add up thank goodness unlike LM who is enmeshed in some very, very dodgy doings). No need to tell him, though.

Stranger I'm coming to the conclusion that he is indeed playing this like a proper old-fashioned romance - need to adjust my expectations a little I think. Alternative theory is that he has problems in the trouser department - think I prefer option one.

Just seen your update T - what a pity. Not a grower then?

I'm not sure. He's actually living in Ireland at the moment and is flying back there on wed, so I have some thinking time before he's back over next month. He's moving back here in sept though
He was incredibly gentlemanly and lovely, just not gorgeous, midi I don't know maybe I should give it a second chance. I could do with a gent for once :0)
Will catch up in the morning-thread has been busy tonight!

Oh bugger. 5 more emails from Aruba this morning - all of which were YouTube links to easy-listening songs by George Michael and others, which make my ears bleed.

This is rapidly going downhill. I've asked for a third date on Wednesday already and I don't want to cancel but..

I've been online dating for 10 months or so, and have had 2 third dates in all that time - always been my choice whether I do or not. Generally a third date will include the possibility of sex, and I won't do it if I think there isn't a future with the woman as I don't want to DTD with someone when I think it won't work out and end up hurting them, so I'll call things off beforehand if I'm not into her enough.

Aruba is reminding me more and more of the Artist. The sex with her was great although I worried about stolen condoms and the like, and she was just too intense from the word go.

So. Do I assume Aruba is as odd and break things off now, or do I go on the date and hope things are a bit calmer with less mention of crappy music. If things get all hot and heavy I doubt I'm going to refrain from DTD just because she's strange. I'm a nice enough bloke, but I am a bloke, and Aruba looks like Ulrika Jonsson.

Pros: She's very attractive and interesting to talk to. There is chemistry. She has a quirky sense of humour. She's into me. She's a good kisser. I'm pretty sure she wants to have sex with me soon.

Cons: She has a weird sense of humour. She's too intense when sending me all these youtube links. She's 38 (possibly older, we haven't discussed that yet) and childless, finished an 8 year relationship and I think she hears the clock ticking, is difficult to understand sometimes. Her music taste is diametrically opposed to mine. I don't want to hurt her.

Bant- sounds like it won't go anywhere, that music choice alone would dampen my libido. But, she's good company, so could you or rather do you want to just date? Ie see it as short term?

I am getting a lot of interest from someone 19 years younger. She seems lovely and is more interesting and local than anyone else I've been in contact with. She's way out of my ideal age range but she's bright and can talk. I'm just fed up it can't go anywhere. Or I could turn that round and be happy that I've someone attractive who's interested and interesting and take sex/relationship off the agenda

She certainly sounds as though she's very keen on you, Bant.
If it was me I'd go on the date but then I say that knowing that even if they looked like Indiana Jones circa 1984 but something about their behaviour was off-putting, I wouldn't feel like jumping into bed with them.

As for musical taste differences, I spent 20-odd years thinking that my best mate at uni had played me a Chris de Burgh album, met up with Spud again and it turned out to have been him - that is inexcusable musical taste.

Chris de burgh? Sick and wrong.

joblot - you're probably right, I'm overthinking things.

I'm looking for long term, ideally, but not with the wrong person (been there, done that) but I'd be okay to date short term if someone is okay with that. I don't know what Aruba is looking for, so we'll just see how we go.

Kin - in an ideal world, I'd be like that too. But if someone is just a bit weird and very very attractive, I'm still going to do the jumping into bed. If they're downright insane and very very attractive, that might stop me. Probably.

So now we see which Aruba is. Quirky and keen or card carrying loony.

Apart from terrible music taste, what is making you think Aruba is a loony?

I'm minded to agree with Joblot at this stage. Especially as you don't know what she is in fact looking for. And even if you're right about the clock etc, a third and fourth date aren't necessarily wasting her time. I'm looking for something long-term, it's not stopping me having short-term in the meantime...

You have to say something about the music though! You cannot live a lie.

Good morning all!
Cracking thunderstorm last night, I love a rousing bit of donner and blitzen!

Trouble with YouTube links bant is that you know she's probably spent most of the evening thinking about you in quite a focused way - if she's sent five links, I'd bet she's dismissed 15 others as not quite right! And then she ends up George Michael!

T I would give him a second chance. A gent us always good, if only to redraw the perspective of how men ought to behave, after a run of quite rude faffers!

joblot 19 years seems a lot to me, particularly in a relationship, but if you're in the market for new friends, why not?

Thank you all drenchingrenching me, I've found my own perfect quencher - he's a short arse! I'm only 5ft 3, but all the men I have ever gone out with seriously have been over 5ft 10. SJ is 5ft 6

So, not a deal breaker or anything, but it at least has introduced an element of caution! I feel better knowing I'm meeting him, knowing he's not ideal

Oww not sure what we're doing, he's going to let me know a specific venue - Which is a good thing - rather than meet at a Tube station and then have to wander for ages trying to find somewhere and finally have to settle for a disco pub where you feel 120 years old, or a local populated by 120 year old men!