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Original poster

Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

999 replies

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 18/07/2013 21:04

The Rules

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. They should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
OP posts:
ponygirlcurtis · 22/07/2013 11:35

Bant three emails overnight sounds a lot! How do you feel about it?

I haven't sent the email yet - I was waiting for him to mention last night about seeing me again, since he was so emphatic about it when we said goodbye, at which point I would say 'Yes, but with these provisos...' But he didn't. Frustrating again! But I have it all written out to just copy and paste into an email at the most appropriate moment.

Juliette - sounds amazing! Envy

Bant · 22/07/2013 11:44

Oh they were short emails - just links to news items and restaurants we'd talked about - not long declarations of luuurve or anything.

I'm not scared yet, but it does remind me, combined with her having the same perfume, being late 30s and childless and having a slightly similar look to the Artist, of how she would mail me, text me and phone me constantly and how I eventually broke things off after 3 weeks because she was so intense. That was a lesson I have to try and learn from without becoming paranoid, I suppose.

Juliette - sounds wonderful, Make sure you don't get sunburn on your sensitive bits

OhWesternWind · 22/07/2013 12:10

Juliette sounds totally fabulous. Am so Envy but really, really pleased for you.

Bant You are quite right about how crap things were with LM, and I am genuinely much happier and better off without him, which is another reason why it's all so stupid. I am a fine one to talk but maybe you need to take FrenchGirl off FB/go no contact. This actually worked really well with me at first re LM because I was really strict with myself, and I should have been sensible and just ignored him when he texted again. Three e-mails before breakfast? Uh-oh.

T just enjoy it - you're quite right about not hanging around waiting for him.

More nice texting from Alpha . . .

Bant · 22/07/2013 12:26

This is so not the right time to get an email from an old colleague asking if I'd be interested in a new job - in Paris, about 2km from FrenchGirl's house...

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 12:42

Frenchgirl aside, are you tempted to work in Paris? sounds very glamorous to me Envy at people with sorted careers!

OhWesternWind · 22/07/2013 12:52

What have you said, Bant?

Easier to get home, just get on the train, could make life easier if you could sort out some kind of flexi-working (apart from FG).

Bant · 22/07/2013 14:01

I really like my job right now, it's a great place, great people, good position (pay's a bit crap but it's cheap over here so...)

However, Paris is lovely, and as OWW says, the commute back to see the kids would be easier -but I couldn't afford a place in England and France..

But it would be extremely difficult to stay NC with FG if I moved there. And I don't think she'd want to rent me her spare room for some reason :)

mercury7 · 22/07/2013 16:01

Glad to hear things are still going so well for you Juliette:o

I am still seeing lover #1, lover #2 is still out of the country with work :( he thinks he will be more UK based by the end of the summer but if things dont pan out the way I'd like I may look for a replacement by the end of the year.
I cant just leave the door open for ever, then again some people do seem to have on off arrangements that last for many years Confused

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 16:05

any reason why you can't window shop for lover #3 now mercury? Smile

mercury7 · 22/07/2013 16:15

I suppose it might make sense Lurking but I just dont have the urge to meet anyone new.

I hate all that internet chat and the terrible sinking feeling that accompanies 99% of first meeting.
I've used OD for several years on and off and #2 is the only person I've felt very strong 'chemistry' with

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 16:23

mercury i hope #2 gets based in the UK, these transient/long distance jobs are a pain even if there are some FINE men working in them! Smile

mercury7 · 22/07/2013 16:32

thanks Lurking:) of course my underlying concern is that if he is ever based here full time he'll look for someone else anyway...because I was just someone who was ok for occasional 'liasons' :( and most women wont put up with that sort of arrangement

oops I appear to have gone on a bit of a downer Confused

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 16:42

no need to slut shame yourself mercury, you choose what arrangement works for you and stick with it! Smile i don't ever do "are we an item?" discussions as i don't really like or "need" my lovers being too official and don't like having to deal with the serious stuff like fucking mother in laws

and i think its better to hold out for someone you really fancy where things are a bit uncertain and 50/50 as to whether they work out, than "settle" for Mr or Miss No Chemistry just so you can play it safe.

Bant · 22/07/2013 16:45

So this is a problem with dating a hungarian woman. Can anyone help me understand what this means:

"Be carefull, please meeting with me often and do not forget that I'm an active S.A.! Maybe learnt special methods to become a kind opiate... ;))
Take a restful night tonight!"

I have no idea. This wasn't, as far as I remember, any kind of private joke about opiates. Or S.A's (whatever they are)

I understand the last sentence. The rest of it has me confused.

Her spoken english is much more understandable than this, I should point out. Or at least I can ask what she's on about.

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 16:47

google tells me S.A. stands for SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS? Confused

Grin Grin
mercury7 · 22/07/2013 16:48

Lorna, I like your style:o
and you're exactly right, I'm not really much into 'official' arrangements either!

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 16:49

software architect? systems analyst?

sales assistant?

mercury7 · 22/07/2013 16:49

oh dear Bant, I have no idea what that means Confused

Bant · 22/07/2013 17:04

Oh its secret agent, it turns out. Her sense of humour is a little odd apparently.

Now. Kind opiate, anyone?

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 17:09

Some sort of honey trap or seducer who will put you to sleep? (in the context of being a secret agent?)

bigstrongmama · 22/07/2013 17:10

Bant, think you will need that restful night...I'd say SA=sex addict, and think she saying she is going to be like a kind of opiate (pleasure inducing drug...?)

Good luck Grin

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 17:13

maybe she's gonna do CUPPING on you? Grin

Bant · 22/07/2013 17:31

Ok it makes more sense now. She's a secret agent and she's learned ways to become addictive, so I should get plenty of rest.

Sounds promising. But weird :)

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 17:34

Grin bant

Secretservice · 22/07/2013 19:59

You certainly can pick 'em Bant!

Yay!! For Juliette and heed Bants warning!

Waves, a touch manically, to everyone else.

I have a date on Wed and I need a huge dollop of freezing cold water please! Last night I joined Smooch, fed up with all the nonsense OKC and PoF had thrown up and within minutes, even without a pic, was chatting to Smooth Jazz, as he is now named.