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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 2013-07-18T20:04:39+00:00

The Rules 1. Develop a thick skin; 2. Do not invest emotionally too soon; 3. It's all BS until it actually happens; 4. Trust your gut instinct; 5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault 6. They should be trying to impress you 7. If it's not fun, stop

999 replies

AWarmFuzzyFuture · 18/07/2013 21:04

The Rules

Develop a thick skin;
Do not invest emotionally too soon;
It's all BS until it actually happens;
Trust your gut instinct;
People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
They should be trying to impress you
If it's not fun, stop

OP posts:

ponygirlcurtis · 21/07/2013 21:52

Exactly Kin - I have surprised myself sometimes with the different ways I have said 'no thank you' to people. Before, I would have just worried about how I was going to manage to date everyone who asked!!!!

T2710 · 21/07/2013 21:59

So glad date went well pony, and good for you to want to send the email.

Forgetting about 'him' since hes off doing his knows what with god knows who, and ignored me .(grr) I have a date arranged tomorrow evening with a lecturer in 'my subject'. Seems promising but he's flying over here tomorrow so I guess it could go tits up if there's a delay eye, but tomorrow was my only free night.

lubeybooby · 21/07/2013 21:59

Rose yes it was my fave thorntons one

ponygirlcurtis · 21/07/2013 22:04

Monday night date, T, sounds good! And a good way to put other people out of your head. Hope the flight is on time. Is he flying over just for your date?

OhWesternWind · 21/07/2013 22:07

That's a really good point, Kin. I just need an Irish man to complete my set now. Know a handy Welshman if you don't mind a bit of drumming

Pony that all sounds fine. If you tell him beforehand to stop the faffing and he does, it's looking good.

Lorna ooh, nice!!

Bant hope it's all going well. Good call on the whiskers.

Sent "Been nice talking to you" type text to LM yesterday, no reply which was the general plan, but part of me feels sad about it. But I think it was the right thing to do, and I know he's not changed. Still drawn to him in a way even though I know what a dodgy and generally emotionally-unhealthy person he is. Which is stupid. Why do so many of us have someone like this?

No mention from Alpha about meeting up next week but I'm sure we shall. He's away the week after on holiday. Ho hum. Nice and vaguely suggestive messages today - he's improving!

BloomingRose · 21/07/2013 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinNora · 21/07/2013 22:23

Let me try, hang on

BloomingRose · 21/07/2013 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinNora · 21/07/2013 22:31

OWW I'd forgotten Drumming Man was Welsh, we'd fall out over the sex drumming though. You could have Spud except (a) he's a knob and (b) I love the neurotic little twonk.

No idea why so many us are drawn to these kind of people, although I know that in my case the resemblances between the two men that I've loved the most ( and been pissed about by the most ) and my dad are so horrifically blatant as to be akin to being slapped about the head with a giant penis with 'Electra Complex' emblazoned on it in 15" high letters.

ponygirlcurtis · 21/07/2013 22:32

OWW - I wish I knew why we still get involved with men we know aren't good for us. I am trying to not do that this time.

ponygirlcurtis · 21/07/2013 22:34

Kin

Winefiend · 21/07/2013 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bant · 22/07/2013 00:07

Evening all. Well date 2 with Aruba went better than I thought it would, given my mood earlier today. Sushi at a nice place, we made each other laugh a bit. It's always a little awkward at times when her English isn't perfect (and my Hungarish is execrable) but it was nice. Went for a walk afterwards, then back to her car and she drove us up into the hills above the city to her favourite lookout spot, which was stunning. Then we got out and walked a bit, talked a bit, held hands, then some kissing. Then a bit more kissing. Back to the car so she could take me back to mine, at one point I asked her to pull over where it was safe to do so, then we kissed a bit more, then continued on back to mine. Then kissed a bit more while sat in her car.

It was, all in all, very nice. There is a little something in the back of my head which reminds me of the Artist, maybe her perfume is the same? Not completely sure. Something to think about, but we're on for another date this week.

ponygirlcurtis · 22/07/2013 09:16

When we shook hands, we both did laugh - it was just a bit awkward, we didn't quite know what to do!

Glad your date went ok Bant. Kissing sounds good! Hopefully you'll have another good date in the week.

T2710 · 22/07/2013 09:48

Baby the date sounds like it went really well. Hope it's masked the pain if the other day a little!

Haha-I don't think Ive done a date handshake before!!

I'm feeling a bit guilty about my date tonight. Absolutely no idea why, and I'm still going on it. I've done multiple dating before but that was usually during the first couple if dates, not about 12 dates in

T2710 · 22/07/2013 09:48

Oh my word, autocorrect changed Bant to baby somehow-I do apologise

OhWesternWind · 22/07/2013 10:37

It's BantaBaby making a reappearance a few months early Glad it went well, Bant, all sounds good. Do you think the language issue/lack of common references will be an obstacle generally with your Hungarian dates? Are you dating at all in the UK at the moment?

T I think you're feeling guilty because your emotions are starting to be involved with the other guy, so it doesn't sit quite right with you to be seeing someone else. Hope it goes well - toilet update required!

Feeling pretty low about LM today. I think that secretly and very naively I'd been hoping that when he contacted me he would have changed and there would have been a chance to try again, but it's clear that that isn't the case. I know that was a stupid thing to think, and that stopping contact was the best thing to do, but I just wish things were different. Stupid. Cross with myself for getting like this as I know rationally what I was hoping for will never happen.

T2710 · 22/07/2013 10:41

I think you may be right OWW! But sod him I'm not twiddling my thumbs til he gets back when he may or may not be in touch. The sex was just so bloody good! Haha.

Im not sure if the entire back story re LM but I do recall you talking about him here and there. Like has already been said, I think most people have someone like that in their past. Do you think if things move on a stage with alpha it may help to get him out of your head a bit?

ALittleStranger · 22/07/2013 11:04

T there is absolutely no need to feel guilty. You asked him for more and to confirm what he wants and so far he has let you down. You are not in a relationship with him and for all you know you are now in the stage of him going silent and disappearing (sorry if that's harsh, monday mornings make me blunt). In the circumstances a date with someone else is fine.

Bant that all sounds very nice. And sometimes nice is what's in order.

Pony nothing wrong with not snogging each other's faces off. Sounds like a good date despite the faffing. Just keep an eye on the faff!

OWW sorry to hear you're feeling low. I think we all have those people who we kid ourselves will suddenly reform, want to try again and it will magically work. Problem is this rarely happens! No contact sounds like the way to go.

Bant · 22/07/2013 11:14

T2710 - that's alright honeykins, no offence taken :)

OWW - I know exactly what you mean. But I remember how miserable you were, how you were second guessing yourself all the time, wondering if you were doing something wrong, wondering about the Little Friend, and you've got to try and concentrate on that. I had FrenchGirl FB messaging me yesterday and I was severely tempted to send a stream of vitriol about her behaviour so I'd burn my bridges with her, but I just couldn't hurt her like that... part of me is still holding on to hope even though it's the definition of 'hopeless'.

Aruba was nice though. Not amazing, not breathtakingly wonderful, but nice. I feel a bit like that's not enough because I want someone better than FG, but I have history with her so that's a tall order.

The Artist thing is coming back to haunt me though. She'd mailed me three times by the time I woke up this morning. I'm hoping she's a bit more laid back.

OhWesternWind · 22/07/2013 11:19

T I was feeling quite good about Alpha before LM popped up again, not feeling so good now. Not sure if it's because I'm unsettled by the LM stuff, disheartened by the continuing lack of progress with Alpha, or a combination of the two.

I just cannot understand what's going on with Alpha. Never experienced anything like this, ever.

On the one hand, he takes me out, buys me presents, walks with his arm round me, holds hands, sends me messages several times a day, kisses me (very nicely).

On the other hand, he seems to have no will to move beyond this state of affairs.

I think I've made it clear to him that I want things to progress, but I'm not sure if they are going to. Don't feel like pushing this much more as I don't want to be wasting my time if essentially he's not interested.

Think I'm feeling quite low about this, too. I really don't understand what's going on at all.

Seem to have a severe case of cantbearseditis.

ALittleStranger · 22/07/2013 11:23

Bant Aruba emailed you three times overnight?!

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 11:25

morning all!

Baby, kissing sounds good!

Winefiend handshakes are very classy! as long as he gave you a firm one.

yeah OWW , there's an alan bennett play where the woman is married to a guy for all these years, but is still thinking about the "one who got away" when she gets elderly - as in someone she "almost" had a fling with!

ponygirl did you send that e-mail about timing?

T enjoy your date!

there must be some psychological thingy to do with unfinished emotional business, especially when one is thinking "oh that was SO close it was good in parts but if it had just been 10% better...."...

like european is cool but a bit of me is still thinking on ex-loves. hmmmmmm! not that i want to go out of my way to get them, but just thinking of them!

JulietteMontague · 22/07/2013 11:26

I have just had a totally awesome time out on the boat. Three blissful days at anchor out on a Dutch lake, all lying in the shade, sex, lake swimming and food and only one of those involved having any clothes on . We now have family visitors on board for a while so it's all change for a while.

Haven't caught up properly with the thread yet, wifi is slowww here so wondering if OWW has had any action yet and waving to everyone.

lurkinglorna · 22/07/2013 11:27

whoop whoop Jules! and also a bit at boat fun

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