Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

just out if interest, was the woman STUNNINGLY pretty in her photos, Bant?

although i "do fine" and maximise my options, i do sometimes wonder if the OD experience is different for those who are really rich/amazing looking or at least amazingly photogenic ha ha? like if you're a 27 year old tall male doctor/lawyer who works out, you can pick and choose from whoever contacts you.

i've seen stuff on dating blogs claiming that 5% of the women get 50% of the mails sent, or something similar.

...so they can have what look like ludicrous requirements, but they'll get them met...

She looked like a mid 40s Russian woman who'd been stunningly attractive when younger.

I've read stuff which agrees - superbly attractive/photogenic people get a huge number of mails, but they have to wade through even more dross than everyone else. It doesn't mean they're more successful at finding the right person, it just means they get more offers of dates from weirdos. And I think they're probably more prone to dating fatigue where you can't remember who it is exactly you're going out with this time, (is this the one who doesn't tip or the one who made a slightly racist joke in an email but you thought you'd let it pass)

So having those requirements may put off the 'right' person, even though they'll get a bunch of people ignoring them and mailing them because they're cute.

did she fill in the "income requirement" box Bant? that's the most vulgar box in the world!

FakeTim has been emailing today claiming that he doesn't know what I'm talking about re fake photos. Eeesh. Can I block email addresses?!

And good point on the requirements - I don't really highlight too many on my profile but I'm finding myself getting fussier and fussier! The biggest things for me is that they live nearby(ish) because I don't drive, that they're 6ft+ because I'm almost 6ft in heels and that they're fairly driven career-wise. Is that unreasonable?

Blimey, I'm beginning to think I'm too reasonable, mine just says contact me if you can spell and are funny.

kinnora - truly amusing men who can spell aren't that easy to come by either ;)

You're not wrong there Spangled and if I'd put ' and who don't use emoticons or write 'lol' every five minutes' the pickings would have been still slimmer.

Ah lol. It makes my lip curl. Am I too fussy? +snarling emoticon+

those of you who have me on facebook can I please request a 'like' on my rather decadent profile pic (Henry took it ) and I am very chuffed as it's probably the first pic of me since 2007 that I actually like :o

Right here we go. I decided to shave as I had a week if stubble and was starting to look trampy. Tried to do the sideburns a la wolverine from the xmen, but looked more like John mccririck so went smooth.

I will try and banter. We'll see how we go

Good luck Bant. Let it at least in part make up for your crappy weekend

Lubey - stunna

Have I got you on fb (are you a namechanger?)

I would do Lubey but I've not got you on Facebastard , I'm sure you look gorgeous

add meeeee (I'll pm you)

I'll deffo add youuuuuuuuu, you lovely woman

Evening all - thanks for the thought, Bant - I did let someone know where I was going, when, etc. The lack of planning thing really is just his failure to get his act together, indecision and not knowing exactly what he was doing. He asked me to come meet him at the park where he had been with his kids (his parents were taking over to let him away to meet me) but I refused, since my mum was somewhere in the vicinity!

So, we met. It was a nice date. We chatted quite easily in the pub for about an hour-and-a-half. It wasn't mind-blowing (is it ever on the first date?), but I kept stopping and checking and, yes, we both seemed to be having a nice time.

But I have concerns about the whole future - he's got kids living with him and so do I, how do we ever make time to see each other for anything more than an evening? And my older DS has already been through trauma with one step-dad rejecting him , I would have to be sure sure sure next time round. But then on the other hand, all previous relationships have been with men with an 'edge' to them, and it has got me nowhere. He seems genuinely nice and fluffy (if also faffy), maybe that's why I am not bowled over! But I need to ditch the edgy blokes and look for someone genuinely decent.

When we came to say goodbye (no snog - handshake and a chaste kiss on the cheek!) he said he would like to see me again, he'd very much like to take me to dinner. I had planned to be non-committal if asked, but I said yes please! I would like to have another date with him. But I think I will first write him an email and say that I enjoyed our date but that all the faffage leading up to was off-putting, and if he wants to take me out to dinner then he needs to step up a bit and take charge.

Wow, that was long! Sorry, been writing that in my head all evening.

Oh, and the number of blokes who have 'lol'ed at me in their very first message to me... immediately puts me off them before I've even read their profile!

Thanks Kin :o

ponygirl the last date I heard of that ended with a handshake has resulted a few months down the line in many big grins and a baby. we did all giggle (in a sweet way) about the handshake...

Pony the actual date itself sounds ok, it was just the pre-date arsing around, on balance I think you should gently say to him that there need to be more concrete plans if you're going to see each other again, you've got childcare arrangements to make etc. - I think that's pretty reasonable.

lubey don't even joke about that!!!! I got pregnant within about six months of meeting my STBXH, that was just over two years ago and my mum wasn't pleased then. She'd be even less pleased for me to do exactly the same again!!! Live and don't learn, and all that...

Exactly, Kin, am going to do that I think. I can't say nothing or else I am just indicating that it was all ok and I'm happy with dates being arranged like that, and I'm not. And it's ok for me to express that to him. (I have to say it out loud to remind myself of that fact.)

Pony see this is one of the reasons I think you can use OD to reset the way you operate in relationships, it's getting used to being assertive and not standing for any crap and that that's ok and healthy.

Rose done it

Thanks Rose - that's what I am trying to do now, analyse stuff he said for possible FWittery!