Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

[AWarmFuzzyFuture]

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Oh, I am intrigued re Angelic Massage now too!

Winefield this is part of my ongoing self-improvement programme. I am a habitual people-pleaser and I tend to patient beyond the point of reasonableness, and end up getting walked all over. 'No that's fine, don't worry about it, yes of course I'll completely rearrange my plans to suit you...'
This is me not being as bad as usual! Normally I'd be instantly forgiving of all the crapness and just want to please him and for him to like me. Now, I am going into it a little pissed off, so he'll need to redeem himself. Will let you all know how it goes, fingers crossed my backbone stays firmly in place.

And I have a big plook too. Typical. Toothpaste has been applied.

I think Pony that's the only way to look at the whole business, otherwise it can get very disheartening.

Wine good luck with the lodger.

Angelic Massage looks like a load of New Age bollocks stuff to me, I can't help feeling that if I do meet him I'll manage about 10 minutes of restrained politeness before my allergy to Bad Science gets the better of me and I start going postal = unsuccessful date.

Exciting stuff Pony-hope it goes well (and actually goes ahead)

OWW he shoukd know what i meant as usually i vaht to him via text all day and yesterday prwtty much nothing. He always replies so to mot reply was odd. anyway,I'm not guna contact him. I'm not chasing, it just makes me look and feel pathetic. Like I said, not sure if he's trying to limit holiday guilt by pushing me away but if so it's stupid as I already said I didn't have a prob with it.
Did notice yest he changed his looking for on pof from wants to date but nothing serious to looking for relationship.

Going postal sounds like good fun. Might try it today!

Date is allegedly at 3pm. But that's only if he can make it for then. Don't know where we are meeting, he said he'd let me know nearer the time and then we'd decide where to go. So I have visions of us meeting on a street corner or outside the Co-op or something! Plus, we are meeting in a nearby town (I found out today) that is where my mum has taken DS1 out for the afternoon. I haven't told my mum I am on a date due to not wanting to see her judgey 'I am sucking on a lemon' face. This just has disaster written all over it!!!

Blimey, good luck with that Pony ( that bloke is beginning to sound like he's more trouble than he's worth ).

Wine I have to do a lot of tolerant listening, characterised by my special 'interested and caring' face, to all kinds at work, hence my improved standards of stamina, by nature I'm a gobby impulsive shirty Manc.

I know what you mean about social workers ( no offence ), I have dealings with them in child protection cases , I roll my eyes a lot.

Pony this is mad! Have never had a date like it. Surely it is "nearer the time" now - cant get that much nearer without being ready to set off. Hope the date is great and makes up for all this nonsense.

Nora some interesting men you've got on your hook! I'm intrigued by the one giving you goose pimples ...

Good luck Pony. It sounds like this one could need it! I'd head straight to a pub - am assuming your mum won't have taken the DC in there!

T and I think you're taking the right approach re resolving not to chase. It sounds like he wanted to keep his options open for a last holiday fling, but he's lifted up the bonnet so to speak and ballsed it up.

Wine one of the very many reasons I love Glasgow is that Glaswegians' no-nonsense, take no bollocks attitude always reminds me very much of home. Not had many dealings with journos but I can imagine they're somewhat tiresome.

OWW re Shivers Man, I read his profile and it was like I knew him, weird also he has a Welsh name and I'm hopeful he can be the token Welshy I need to complete my Home Nations shag set

PonyGirl - thinking about it, this is a little worrying. There is a certain dating safety etiquette - telling a friend where you're going, making a call to let them know the bloke is okay, feeling free to escape through the loo window if you need to (not just because the bloke is boring though, that's not nice)

however, going to a first date with a guy you've never met - is this a first date? - and not knowing where you'll be so you can tell someone.. that's a bit on the unsafe side.

If you've met him before and trust him, then he's just a bit indecisive and that's annoying. If you haven't met him, he could be playing some weird trick to get you into a vulnerable situation where no one knows where you are..

just be careful, okay?

On other dating news, PinkHat has 'favourited me' again - this is the 4th time since we had a first date and I didn't call her again (she was bossy and had shaved 8 years off her age)

Sushi tonight with Aruba, I'm feeling better generally, still sad though. I've got three and a half hours to freshen up, look stunning and put my game face on.

Go sparkle Bant

second what bant says pony

• not sure if you're out now but drop a thread update when you get back in! guy seems well dodgy to me - some guys come across as a BIT meeting up as in they have to rearrange or turn up a bit late but give you ok notice.

asking you to wait till the last minute so that he can let you know comes across as REALLY controlling and weird.

when i was about 20 a copper who i'd known as in he was involved with some family issues when i was a child (yeah, obviously a very classy guy) and i were in touch in a semi-romantic way

he would deliberately do the same thing as a "power thing" - "i'm so busy that i'll keep you waiting till i let you know my schedule", like setting it up so i had to contact him loads to meet up for something we'd agreed to do?. and as soon as i started ignoring him he'd get back in touch for attention. ffs!

and then of course a few years later the penny dropped, he was just a fucking weirdo who is well below my league and had issues with women

bonne chance bant

t2710 yeah guy sounds suspect, i'd keep him on my dating rota and investigate other options for myself.

Thanks guys! I'm not even sure if he wants to be on my rota lorna but all shall become clear when he's back I guess when he gets on touch or otherwise! Why is it so difficult to not over analyse these things.

Bant-hope you have a really awesome date!

Mercury, OWW

yeah thanks for asking the european is fairly on at the moment, we went out last night and got intimate again!

good night, he's texted to ask me if i have time next week and "give" me his diary schedule so i can have first dibs on when he's not away with work.

I think i'm struggling with the "how will this fit into overall life plans", as in fairly soon (date unknown) i've got "work change and stress of moving to another city where not only will i be meeting new chaps but the ex lover who is AMAZING in bed and is a bit ropey but amazing chemistry is there". and of course so far its just a 2 week romance with european!

so its just wait and see really sex was more than pleasant last night. had bit of crisis moment i get the giggles when i'm drunk sometimes, and i just started after we'd "done it"

oh well, think he didn't take it personally...

yeah t2710, sounds a bit emotionally mercenary, but I reckon its quite helpful sometimes to not cut all contact with guys who are "interesting but not quite there"? you don't need to contact him, but don't send him a message saying you're not going to contact him?

i mean you might want to send him an "i'm bored and you'll do for a date this week" text next month

Right, another of my rare but fun rants. I've mentioned this before but this is a case in point.

I did an expanded search to increase the age range a bit - up from 41 max to 45 max, and from 29 min to 26 min. Why not.

And I found Marina. Marina is Russian or Hungarian, 44 years old and very attractive. She comes across as a bit of a gold-digger from her profile so I'll not bother contacting her. But in her preferences she wants:
A man - 42-52, separated or divorced, no children, athletic and toned, carefree, not very romantic but marriage is very important, American (only..), white, attractive, very short black hair, business or cool style, best feature:hands, has an associates degree, speaks english, is jewish or atheist but non-practicing, likes blues and dance music, adventure and action films and dogs. And has blue eyes.

Now to me, that sounds like a very specific person she's looking for. I actually qualify for 21 out of the 27 requirements. My hair is brown, I'm not American, I have kids and I'm too young. I think my eyes are better than my hands, but it's subjective.

But even if I was perfect for her, I wouldn't get in touch because she's obviously either got a particular man (possibly called Todd) in mind, or she's going to be a perfectionist generally.

If something is hugely important to you - that a man be above 5'6, or have no kids, then put it in the profile. Otherwise, just don't check the box. Life is meant to be about exploring new things, not looking for some perceived 'perfect guy'

Right. End of Rant.

bant

to be fair, if that's "match.com" i think often people get a bit overexcited when they fill in that box (if they're just starting they think the OD fairies will send them someone like that) but are prepared to ignore if someone attractive comes along.

my last ex, pretty keen on me, had "white" and "never been married" in his list of requirements.

i'm not white, i'm divorced so when i viewed his profile, i didn't make any contact, plus i lived hundreds of miles away. he contacted me after seeing i'd viewed him and flew out for 3 days (so booked hotel for 2 nights) to see me for 1st meet! i'm not stunningly model looking or owt, but i do think if someone sees your profile and thinks "intriguing" all the "listed" requirements go out the window.

i mean how many men if you said "would you consider a single mum with 3 kids from different fathers working in a transient profession with very low average pay" would turn down Angelina Jolie?

ps do agree as a "strategy" though not listing loads of dealbreakers or preferences, just filter out the messages you get. i have a line saying "no type really" of course i do ha ha but i want chaps to be confident about contacting me.

I'd turn down Angelina Jolie. She had that thing about keeping a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck at all times. Weirdo.

Okay, I wouldn't. She's stunning. But I'd be nervous around sharp knives.

The point was - I understand why people tick those boxes, but the act of doing it may put people off contacting you because you're showing yourself to be picky or hung up on an ex by doing it. Just leave them blank and filter the mails, as you said.