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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just caught on the couch

109 replies

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 05:10

My fiancée and best friend gutted doesn't even come close and now he's a potential suicide risk because he's been caught head has gone so alone

OP posts:
Mixxy · 14/07/2013 05:27

First of all, I'm really sorry.

How do you know he is a suicide risk?

Bit of a double whammy.

When was the wedding planned for?

Madamecastafiore · 14/07/2013 05:48

Sorry you are going through this.

Why do you think he is a suicide risk? To me he seems like he is trying to manipulate you by becoming a suicide risk because he has done something wrong.

MissTweed · 14/07/2013 06:00

Is drink involved?? Obviously devastating regardless but could the suicudal threats be drunken nonsense? Are you still there with him? Hmm

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 06:04

Thank you. Just what he said in texts and he tried to slit his wrists but backed out. Wedding was booked and paid for for January I like to be organised serve me right he always said it was annoying

OP posts:
Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 06:07

Yes abit of drink is involved hence why they thought I wouldn't hear I'm assuming or they got overconfident. He's just come back no worse the wear and trying to say it didn't happen the usual mind games

OP posts:
Mixxy · 14/07/2013 06:08

So he gets caught in the act and then tries to make you feel guilty?

Not that it is an excuse, but he sounds loaded drunk.

Do you own property together?

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 06:09

No, no, no to putting yourself down.

I'm sorry he feels so terrible but this isn't all about him. He should be thinking about you and the effect his behaviour has had on your feelings.

When did this happen?

Mixxy · 14/07/2013 06:10

Don't even bother to talk to him until he sobers up.

And if you saw it with your own eyes then he can deny it all he likes. What does your "best friend" say?

Allice · 14/07/2013 06:13

How awful for you. Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you in to feeling sorry for him.

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 06:19

I agree with Allice, space and time from both until you've got your thoughts straight. You can do without his dramatics.

Madamecastafiore · 14/07/2013 06:20

Was going to slit my wrists but backed out. Well if it smells like horse shit!!!!???

Frankly I would tell him to pop round now and I'll get it done for him.

Please tell me you are not going to marry this twat and spend your life worrying about leaving him in a room with any of your friends alone for the next 40 years.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 06:28

I'm so sorry. Was this in your own house? How unbelievably fucking rude and disrespectful if it was.

Please don't marry him. You can do better than that. You deserve better than that.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 06:29

And your friend is vile too

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 06:34

Ys unfortunately it was in my house that he moved into so we could save for the wedding. The "best friend" can sleep with the fishes considering she's thrown a lot away and I'm currently trying to calm her partner down as he is absolutely devastated. No I know it's not worth the years I'd shave off my life by worrying but I just keep thinking what's wrong with me that he needed someone else I have a high sex drive I'm a size 8 no stretch marks etc after having children I thought I was doing ok obviously I've gone wrong somewhere for him to want another women how did I not see it coming I'd been with them all day taking our children for a walk and swimming in the river

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 14/07/2013 06:39

I am sorry this has happened to you but it is nothing to do with you, your sex drive or your physical appearance.

It is because he is a total arsehole and she's no better.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 06:41

Your ex-boyfriend and your ex-best friend are sneaky, treacherous, disloyal, and untrustworthy - YOU haven't done ANYTHING wrong.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 06:42

How long has It been going on? Sorry to be blunt but what exactly were they doing on the couch? And where were you and and all the kids when this was happening?

SirSugar · 14/07/2013 06:42

what Hokey says

Thank goodness you found out now, not after the wedding which he should reimburse your contribution to

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 06:47

Kids all in bed happened about two am. I went too bed then heard some noises heard the words fuck me harder and belted downstairs so they were clothed but still fastening up? I don't know he's still adamant nothing's going on she said only once last week and my CCTV is curiously missing for when he's suppose to of gone

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 06:51

Sad - what are your thoughts about your future now?

theorchardkeeper · 14/07/2013 06:52

Oh god that is disgusting.

But he did it because he wanted to...not because of how you look or how high your sex drive is.

He's lower than the lowest for trying to manipulate you with his suicide BS (even if it is true Hmm it's still not your responsibility and he doesn't deserve an ounce of your pity/care).

I hope you kick him out, seeing as it's your house. How on earth he can deny it after what you heard and saw is just pathetic.

Sorry for what's happening to you right now Thanks but in time you'll realize that this was all on him & you'll do so much better!

StealthPolarBear · 14/07/2013 06:55

What is happening this mor ing? Where is he? Take the time you need, don't let him pester you into talking if you're not ready

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 07:00

Where is he now? Don't let him worm his way back into the house today, ready for work tomorrow.

Lweji · 14/07/2013 07:02

Cheating is not about you, it's all him.

If he admitted to another time, they were probably doing it for a while

Send any threats of suicide to the police or someone from his family.
a) it's not your problem
b) it's probably just another mindfucking tactic to make you feel sorry for him

Pack his bags and dump them outside.

Cancel the wedding, tell him to pay for anything you can't get a refund on, sue him if he doesn't (check with solicitor first if that's worth it).

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 07:02

He's passed out in bed while I deal with kids with no sleep and trying to smile. I don't know she's told her partner more dates and CCTV has gone missing from then too just ten mins here and there so I wouldn't pick it up. I'm just so gutted I really thought he was different after dating my fair share of losers feel so lost

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