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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just caught on the couch

109 replies

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 05:10

My fiancée and best friend gutted doesn't even come close and now he's a potential suicide risk because he's been caught head has gone so alone

OP posts:
PlainOldVanilla · 14/07/2013 08:16

You poor thing I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can't believe that arsehole! Keep strong and listen to the advice on her because I will get you through difficult times. Take care

And kick him out

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 08:17

Police witnessed all last night and made notes in case I need to claim on insurance for anything. Going to leave the house and take the dogs for a walk really need to get fresh air

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 14/07/2013 08:17

I just keep thinking what's wrong with me that he needed someone else I have a high sex drive I'm a size 8 no stretch marks etc after having children I thought I was doing ok obviously I've gone wrong somewhere for him to want another women

You did NOTHING! This is NOT your fault. Some men cheat, it is no reflection on you.

YoniMatopoeia · 14/07/2013 08:24

So sorry you are going through this.

I agree with everyone else. This was nothing to do with you; it is in no way your fault. It is all because he is a lying entitled knob.

differentnameforthis · 14/07/2013 08:31

Secondly, why did you go to bed leaving your best friend and your fiance alone together and drunk in your house in the early hours of the morning?

Oh I expect because she trusted them & didn't once think tehy would end up fucking? Hmm

So now it is OPs fault for leaving 2 people she trusted most, together? I have left my dh with a friend (both drunk) I have spent the night in a house with drunk me (while drunk). I know all these people very well, I trust them with my life & more, at no point during that time did I consider fucking someone who wasn't married to me. Also, I know, hand on heart that my dh has never done anything.

Mosman · 14/07/2013 08:39

I spent five months torturing myself with the whys etc for practical reasons stuck with the arsehole who cheated on me, please do what I would have done had I been in the uk and now kinda wish I'd done regardless of the consequences - LTB - don't even give him a backward glance.

MadAboutHotChoc · 14/07/2013 09:08

So they cheated on you by shagging right under your nose and then added insult ti injury by trashing the house when caught Angry

Classy Hmm

Get rid - you are very young and sound lovely, you have a great future ahead of you if you don't wreck it by staying with this skanky man who has zero respect for you.

Ask the police to send someone round to support you when he goes - tell them he threatened to commit suicide.

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 09:42

I will do he's really trying to work his way round this one but my other friend is coming round soon to help sort the house and give some support and my brother has said I can go to his I just need to perk up abit as I don't feel safe to drive being a watering pot at present

OP posts:
SuperiorCat · 14/07/2013 09:53

What an awful thing for you to discover. You have done nothing wrong, your fiance and friend are utter skanky lowlifes.

I'm glad that you have supportive friends and family, you will get through this.

Viking1 · 14/07/2013 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 11:10

Also count yourself lucky that you do not have children with this ghastly man.

TheRealFellatio · 14/07/2013 12:03

Secondly, why did you go to bed leaving your best friend and your fiance alone together and drunk in your house in the early hours of the morning? Of course I am not saying that you should not have been able to trust either of them, but it's still a slightly odd and inappropriate thing to do.

Why did you just choose to ignore the second half of what I said different?

differentnameforthis · 14/07/2013 12:15

No I didn't, but I don't see how it is odd or inappropriate to leave 2 people together who are drunk. I don't automatically assume they are going to start shagging & the op probably didn't either..

Harryhairypig · 14/07/2013 12:17

I assume because none of this is the OPs fault in anyway and it's horrendous to suggest it is. You should be able to leave your fiancé and best freind anywhere without expecting them to shag each other.

internationallove985 · 14/07/2013 12:39

I have my faults of course I do,but to cheat with her best friends husband this women is the queen of skanks dirty bitch! As for you Fiance get rid of him. You deserve better.!xxx

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 13:04

TBH it's pretty irrelevant whether they were drunk or not as the OP has found evidence that this is not the first time this has happened.
Were I to leave my DH and Best friend in another room whilst I was asleep upstairs, I would not expect them to have a quick shag, or is that the norm nowadays? Some posters seem to think the OP was somehow silly to do this.

TheRealFellatio · 14/07/2013 13:26

I suppose so, but it's not so much that they were left alone together and the OP should have anticipated trouble (I understand that is not a fair assumption) but it's that I don't understand why people's manners and sense of propriety is. Why are people seemingly so incapable of going home when their host needs to go to bed? The whole thing smacks of drunken teenagers outstaying their welcome by hanging around someone's house, rather than hang in around outside McDonalds. Hmm
And the bloke is sounding more and more like an immature cocklodger by the second.

Dackyduddles · 14/07/2013 13:33

Put his stuff on front drive by road with sign on saying help yourself.

So sorry hun but he's got to go.

Original poster
Tilpil · 14/07/2013 13:55

I know I know how to pick them and now to top it off they didn't use protection and she's waiting to find out if pregnant oh the joy I give up completely it will kill me to hear this but I honestly think I can't do it what am I suppose to do just pretend it never happened and hope that it will blow by I don't think so I've been treated and played like a mug and I am not putting up with it so many people have stood by me today and are happy to come and help me sort out etc think it helps abit to talk to the partner of my supposed best friend as we can fill in the blanks and get it right in our head think I need a trip to sti clinic though to be on the safe side if he's done her who else has he as he doesn't have qualms if he can go for a "best friend"

OP posts:
Xales · 14/07/2013 14:11

It's fine to talk to him and try and fill in the blanks just don't rely on him being there as a friend if they stay together. Also how much can he know if he took sleeping pills sometimes and how much can you trust her?

I think she has set out to wreck your relationship as you heard the 'fuck me harder', she is giving you dates and times and now on top of that may be pregnant Hmm Is she the jealous type?

Don't worry about if she is pregnant. So what? If she is she is the one tied to your ex then not you. Easier said that done right now I know.

Not that it excuses your dirty fiancee Sad he is still a skank of the highest order. It is just all too convenient from her if you see what I mean?

Don't think definitely get to an STI clinic.

You deserve so much better!

Mosman · 14/07/2013 14:13

She e

HeavenlyYoni · 14/07/2013 14:18

If they didn't use protection, why isn't she down the chemist buying MAP.

Sorry to hear your news btw.

Do you have CCTV installed because you like to keep track of him?

Lweji · 14/07/2013 14:22

I imagine they didn't use protection before, and the CCTV is at the other house ("best friend"'s bf).

It does seem possible that she is trying to get him, rather than simply cheat.

Let her have him. They deserve each other.

Mosman · 14/07/2013 14:30

She isn't pregnant it's all part of the drama and trying to make herself look like the victim rather than the nasty piece of work she is.

LIZS · 14/07/2013 14:34

This man has no scruples or respect for you, drunk or not. You do not need the like around your dc and I'm sure you can do so much better. Rethink your criteria for friendship too. Chuck him out and leave them to it, bet it all fizzles out once the secrecy and drama isn't there anymore.