Just caught on the couch

[Tilpil]

My fiancée and best friend gutted doesn't even come close and now he's a potential suicide risk because he's been caught head has gone so alone

I'm so sorry

Pair of complete c**ts to put it nicely!

"for gods sake how can they be that nice to your face without giving anything away"

Because they are very good at lying.

I dont understand the CCTV stuff. Sorry.

You caught them in the flesh on the sofa.

why do you need the CCTV to confirm anything?

No but he has brought my son up. I'm not saying I would take him back i just can't get my head round it. That's a good point they police that came last night said they would come out at anytime today because of how it was last night my nice pristine house looks like its been burgled how can I stop bursting into bloody tears I'm starting to upset my little boy which makes me worse

Lewji if your question about forgiveness was aimed at me, that isn't what I was suggesting. I just find the knee-jerk LTB response very unhelpful. These are big, scary decisions for Tilpil to make. I don't think she should feel bamboozled in to making them. She needs time and thought (and probably sleep) and luckily enough, she can have these.

Please don't consider staying with him. Imagine how insignificant and insecure you'll feel for the whole of the time your in a relationship with him. that's no way to live.

He had EVERYTHING. A gorgeous slim friendly girlfriend with her own home who accommodated his daughter for week-end visits - AND IT STILL WASN'T enough. Because nothing will ever be enough for him.

I just need to know how long it's been going on we ve already worked out that it was on her partners birthday what a lovely present for him

Notsuchasmugthing that sounds about right I just need to sit down and sort it all out

Actually, vivacia and OP, I find that these decisions should be made quickly.

Our gut responses in these cases are probably the best.

When we start thinking about it we start making allowances, we start feeling sorry and we start thinking about finances.

You know he has to leave.
Just look at your house.
He's a serial cheater, with your best friend.
And he tried to gaslight you.

What else do you need to consider?

Do you want that man around you?

It's the details that we need to consider later in our own time.
The leaving should be immediate.

I agree Lewji that he needs to be told to leave immediately. And I agree that the outcome will be the same, even after some thought.

But I really, really don't think the LTB response is helpful when people's heads are in a spin. It's all very easy to say, but I think when you're in the middle of all of the drama rather than typing at a screen, you need time to be able to do it.

I know he needs to leave I just can't do it whilst dcs are here I've started packing as I'm tidying the house so he can't talk me round I just want to know why

Unfortunately the 'why' is usually the most hurtful banality 'because they could'

It's nothing about you it's about him and her and their lack of boundaries.

Agree with Lweji - there are so many threads on here from women who believed their BF's promises that he would change/forgave bad behaviour, and it didn't stop. Best to use the shock and anger to fuel the big decision to kick him out. tilpil, getting married is a statement of mutual live and commitment - remaining engaged with wedding plans will not magically make him a good man. He isn't the man you thought/hoped - sorry.

Tilpil I've got to go and do stuff now but i'll be thinking of you today and will try and log on later.

Stay strong!

Firstly if he is playing 'the usual mind games' then why the hell are you even thinking of marrying him at only 22 years old? You don't have a child with him - you owe him nothing.

Secondly, why did you go to bed leaving your best friend and your fiance alone together and drunk in your house in the early hours of the morning? Of course I am not saying that you should not have been able to trust either of them, but it's still a slightly odd and inappropriate thing to do.

How did her partner find out? Did you tell him?

Why on earth do you have CCTV in your living room?

He isn't going to kill himself - he's just trying to manipulate you.

And as for smashing up your house between them - words fail me. I think you need to kick them both to the kerb and start again with different sorts of people in your life.

There is nothing wrong with you

All you have done is erred in picking a bitch for a friend and a vile, cheating, skanky, whore for a fiancee.

You have not embarrassed yourself. Do not feel ashamed to tell people what they have done and ask for help and support.

Get him out of your house and life. If he threatens suicide it is not your fault or tough as this seems your problem. Call the police tell them he has contacted you saying it and let the professionals deal with it. I bet it is just an emotional threat to keep you in line and he won't really do it.

Get onto all the wedding stuff that is booked. Cancel and get what money back you can.

She is trying to salvage her relationship by confessing from the sounds of it so don't get to involved with detail with her BF. They will cut you out as an embarrassing reminder if they stay together.

Keep any savings you have made towards repairs to your house. Don't discuss sharing his savings with him.

Get yourself to an STI clinic asap.

You are only 22. This is a massive wake up to get out of this relationship as you deserve better than to waste the next 10/20 years on this scum while he screws around.

Hugs.

I'm wondering about the CCTV? What's all this about?

You are so young. There will be ample chance for true love in your life!

And don't let him use the fact that he has nowhere to go with his daughter as a reason to make you change your mind. That is his problem not yours.

Agree, do not let him "talk" you round.
You need to keep clearing up and this in itself should make you angry. How dare they smash up your house, your home, your DCs home?
If you let him stay in the house, he will worm his way back in so don't listen.
It makes no difference why this happened, it just did and unless you want this pattern to keep repeating itself throughout the rest of your life, get rid of him.

I didn't he was only going to lock up and come up to bed.
She told him because she had to go back home at silly o'clock in the morning
It's on the front of the house so can see people coming and going and certain times are deleted that coincide with when she said he got a taxi to hers when I thought he was watching tv downstairs and I was fast asleep upstairs and her partner conveniently had a sleeping tablet.

Tilpil I would call the police to come and witness the wreckage that was done (by him?!) and to get him out. He sounds violent and you need help. Get him out asap. He sounds utterly awful. Don't let him talk to you, just remember he has lied in your face many times and would have married you and happily kept on sleeping with other women.
You are young but not stupid. Better be single than showing your son this is acceptable behaviour.
Keep strong!

Yes, there's no why.
At least nothing that has to do with you, Tilpil.

Just that he can.
And he thought he could get away with it.
And he doesn't love you like you deserve.
And he has no respect for you.
And he is inconsiderate.
And he is a self serving selfish twunt.

It's all about him.

You deserve better.

I hope his moving out goes well.
You are doing your best to minimise it for the children. He should do the same.

Does he have an ex wife (DDs mother)?
Bet she has a similar sorry tale too.
Blokes like this do not change, even when they get married.

Take photos ad a reminder and evidence and never let either of these skanks in your home again.