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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just caught on the couch

109 replies

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 05:10

My fiancée and best friend gutted doesn't even come close and now he's a potential suicide risk because he's been caught head has gone so alone

OP posts:

Ledkr · 14/07/2013 07:06

Suicidal people rarely give you warnings and its normally as A result of a long period if thought and planning.
It sounds as if he's just using that to get away with this bike act.
You must feel devastated now but at the end if the day he's just a man and not a very nice one at that.
They both disrespected you to the highest order and that was about them not you or how much sex you have.
Hold your head up and plan your new start without these two idiots in it.
Good luck.

Ledkr · 14/07/2013 07:07

Vile not bike sorry

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 07:08

He's passed out in bed? Is that a bed in your house? That you paid for? Jesus wept, go tell him he's got till 9am to get his stuff and go or you'll call the police and they will put him out.

Have you got any real life support?

RaspberrySnowCone · 14/07/2013 07:08

Tilpil, tell him to leave when he wakes, as others have said if he's named a couple of dates then there will be more that he's not admitted to. Don't question your body or yourself, there's no excuse for cheating and you deserve better.

Please don't marry him! He sounds like a poisonous manipulative man and your friend doesn't sound so great either.

Original poster

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 07:13

I know it's the ex best friends partner who's sending me all the dates for me to check cameras. I only let him in because his daughter isn't mine and she was worried about him but I definitely don't think I will be getting married what the hell do I do they've embarrassed me to all my family he will be leaving his daughter goes at twelve so that is ample time to absolutely everything out and have no reason to come back I'm scared back to a single mum

OP posts:

jayho · 14/07/2013 07:17

So sorry, better to be a single mum than married to a cheat.

ChasedByBees · 14/07/2013 07:18

Pack his bags, get him out and thank your lucky stars you're not married!

You can probably get some money back from the wedding and if not, have a massive party for you - a lucky escape party.

Lweji · 14/07/2013 07:18

they've embarrassed me to all my family

They have embarrassed themselves.

You have done nothing wrong.

Be strong now, even if it hurts like hell.

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 07:18

In your house?
Unbelievable, and definitely unforgivable.
Get him off your bed throw him outside with his stuff and tell him to go to HER place.
You are well rid.
And what is all this CCTV stuff? Does it show him going in and out of HER place?

MadAboutHotChoc · 14/07/2013 07:19

I have you have already packed his crap into bin bags and left these by the door.

He is a liar and a cheat - he chose to shag your friend because he is a selfish entitled twat, not because of you or your appearance or whatever.

You will be fine.

ChasedByBees · 14/07/2013 07:19

They've not embarrassed you, they've embarrassed themselves.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 07:20

Urgh! everytime you post you say something about your boyfriend that makes me dislike him even more. His daughter is staying with you too? For week-end contact I assume? And your up looking after her while he stays in bed? WTF???

Don't be scared of being a single mum, theres millions of us and we all manage to cope in the end. Its a lot easier being a single mum than having to live with an arsehole.

Incidently, how old are you both?

RaspberrySnowCone · 14/07/2013 07:20

What a horrible person to have done this to you and both of your children. It will be better for you to be a single mum than married to him, this instance would no doubt be the start of many to come. I hope your family will be supportive, don't feel embarrassed, just today concentrate on getting him out without too much fuss (thinking of the kids) then after that take one day at a time, you'll get through it.

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 07:24

Feel so sorry for you, and his poor DD. Might be best for her if you can keep it together until she goes back to her mums. THEN kick his arse out.

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 07:27

Is there anyone you can leave the DCs with for a few hours? Best for them not to be there whilst you lever him out, because from what you say about him it doesn't sound like he will be willing to go quietly.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 07:32

yeah, I get the feeling he won't go quietly too.

Original poster

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 07:33

No I've got my own son and his daughter my family have gone to holm firth for the weekend back later today. I am only 22 he's 28 I am petrified of how I'll cope financially everything yes I'm going to wait till kids gone as it won't be peaceful I had to ring police to get her out my house and then they tried to get me done for being violent towards them luckily very understanding policemen and they said there's no chance they would arrest me as I hadnt done any damage I had just tried to get them out when they started trashing my house its an absolute state I just want to break down

OP posts:

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 07:34

I think it's too early to be rushing in to any decisions in terms of separating permanently, cancelling the wedding and suing him. These are big decisions and you have the luxury of calling the shots and in your own sweet time. Get him out of your house and get yourself some space.

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 07:37

Oh you poor thing, sorry about the cross-post. Do you think he'll cause problems when you tell him to leave? Is the house yours?

jayho · 14/07/2013 07:38

I'd call 101, they'll have a reference number from the earlier call and tell them you're chucking him out. They'll be able to offer support and might be able to send someone round to help.

Don't worry about finance for now x

Lweji · 14/07/2013 07:39

Vivacia's suggestion is a good way of making him leave without too much hassle.

Then keep him out for good.

Seriously? They are not even married, he's already cheating on her in her own living room, then tries to gaslight her and you'd consider forgiving?
That's how people end up in crap marriages. (I did and I regret it, except for DS) He's going to do it again, because he will know you'll forgive him.

thismousebites · 14/07/2013 07:40

You had to get the police to get her out after they trashed your house? Bloody hell, they both sound perfect for each other!
Scum and scummier. Get him out, preferably not in front of the DCs and think how much better your life will be.
Is he your DS's father? If yes then he has to pay child support so don't worry about coping financially.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 14/07/2013 07:40

Whats your housing situation? Is it rented or owned.

I hope it doesn't all kick off again when you ask him to leave. The last thing you want is a conviction or caution for affray - it will affect your career prospects so be very careful.

Original poster

Tilpil · 14/07/2013 07:41

Yeah the house is mine can you work through it though maybe if he came out and spoke to me properly and told me everything but the its all in her head gets old the CCTV is deleted of him leaving and getting back home early hours of the morning on different occasions and fit perfectly with times days etc given by her she was talking to me about my wedding yesterday for gods sake how can they be that nice to your face without giving anything away

OP posts:

Vivacia · 14/07/2013 07:43

I was thinking along the same lines as Jayho, hence my question about whether you think he'll cause a fuss.

(I can't believe they became aggressive when caught in the act. Guess that was the drink?).

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