Waves is winning.....Here comes the Acrobat!

[wavesandsmiles]

Links to previous threads:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1670597-So-DH-said

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1745551-DH-said-DH-left-waves-is-still-being-sick-but-into-the-third-timester

Will this become the live birth thread? Will Lodger 1 leave? Will waves be smiling throughout this thread?

Doula is on call, bags are packed, acrobat was a teeny 14 weeks foetus when I started posting - he is about to become DC3, I'll stop being sick and a whole new chapter will begin.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm curled up in my relatively cool bedroom having at least sorted the clothes into piles. DS will put his away, DD still clutching a sick bowl so won't be asking her to help, bless her. Definitely having more and more strong cramps/contractions but realistically this could be on/off for a few days (or even weeks but I really hope not)

No local mumsnetters found, and don't really want to ask people round given that DD might have a tummy bug.

And I just don't know, missStrawberry about twunt and the birth. With my other 2 I know I very much retreated into myself and pretty much anyone could have been there and I wouldn't have known. I hope that takes the decision away from me, that I become so caught up with the process that he doesn't factor on the radar and is therefore not called.

I think I need a warm bath. Daft isn't it, in this heat!

Hi Waves, keep breathing in that golden light, you're doing fantastically well! Thinking of you lots.

Can I just say that never once in his soon-to-be-17 years on the planet, has my ds ever asked who was in the delivery room at his birth. I would imagine that by the time he's old enough even to wonder, he'll have a pretty good idea of what his father's like to not need to ask.

waves my labour with DC3 was very stop start from the Friday night until the Tuesday night she was born. Apparently IRS very common with 3rd births dye to muscle laxity so CX go a bit wonky. How's the HG doing? I was full term HG with all 3 and labour was a welcome relief from the sickness. As soon as that placenta is delivered your sickness will be gone, then the hunger starts . Good luck with everything and just decide about twunt at the time. Your feelings will guide you.

Bloody phone changing everything!

Swear swear swear. Twunt just sent me the most nasty text. What a prick to do that knowing I'm in latent phase/stop start labour. Starting to think that he is the absolute last person I want anywhere near me, not just for this giving birth malarkey but ever again in my entire life. What sort of person sends a nasty text to a woman in labour who has said she is struggling with a sick daughter????

Feel free to get all sweary on my behalf

I can't block his number - quick google search suggests I would need to jailbreak my phone or something to enable that. And I'm bloody crying again. Other than a baby, there is nothing left to come out of me now what with the vomiting and tears.

((Hug)))
....so sorry waves.
He is acting true to form, so maybe better now than later?
He won't change, he will only continue to anger and disappoint you. You deserve some peace from this. Delete his texts on receipt, that might be second best to blocking.

Take care of yourself

Oh God Waves. :( >huge, huge, gentle hugs<

DON'T have him at the birth. Truly, I know you're hormonal but no one asks who was present at their birth. Acrobat wouldn't ask if you needed stitches, he won't care who was there. This needs to be about you, your needs/desires. It's about you and YOUR family. Not him. He isn't a part of your family any more. This is your moment and you have worked amazingly hard for it!!!

What did the [can't think of a nasty enough term] say?? >>hugs

Oh Waves, how anyone can be that awful is beyond me! At least that should stop any feelings of guilt if you decide not to let him be at the birth. Try and forget about him for now - focus on you and DD for the time being.

Out of context it doesn't sound so bad, he kept on at me yesterday about why did I think this was actual contractions and early labour. (3rd baby, i do know what is going on ffs) so I sent him link about latent stage after he was demanding to know when the baby was actually going to arr

the man is a total loser and once you have your little baby, I am sure he will act again in an idiotic fashion. So much so waves when you do finally break from him completely you simply wont look back!! This time will come and you will wonder wh you gave the arse so much head space!

Go gentle on yourself lovely x breath x

forget ALL about him from now ...

Arrive (pressed post by mistake)

No queries about how I am, heard nothing from him til mid morning when he sent How's it going.

I told him pains back very much uncomfortable and juggling that with very poorly DD.

Again heard nothing until he sent me one saying so is the baby coming today. I said "I don't know, I have no idea and to be honest I'm pretty upset that you have questioned my integrity re me being in latent labour, aren't offering me any support at all, and don't seem to care that I am in pain and discomfort.

This triggered nasty text where he sent:

Oh so it's back to attack [twunts name] mode is it? Some things and some people never change.

Maybe it's not even that bad, but it feels nasty. He's basically saying I'm a bitch for attacking him when from my side I am in pain and trying to keep up with the house and look after a sick child.

I'm just overreacting I suppose but still crying about it. I think it was a mean thing to do, and proves he doesn't actually give a shit about anyone apart from himself.

No, you're NOT overacting and you DIDN'T attack him! You basically just asked him about his disinterest, and he turned it around and got nasty because you dared to question him. (Kinda his pattern, aye?)

Just focus on your health and your amazing children. Focus on how excited you are for Acrobat to be kicking at your arms instead of womb!

Prepare yourself and take care of yourself. We're ALL cheering you and your family on. We ARE MN aunts of course.

Hoping DD feels better soon, and Acrobat arrives sooner rather than later as he seems to be announcing his formal entry!

oh waves nearly there now! I don't think you would be a bad person at all if you decided no more contact with twunt until acrobat is here. but I also understand you urge to keep giving him chances

I will be thinking of you!!! hope little Acrobat does arrive soon

" I hope that takes the decision away from me, that I become so caught up with the process that he doesn't factor on the radar and is therefore not called. "

And there is your answer. You are hoping you are caught up in the amazing thing you have to do that he doesn't come into your head. Decision made

Unfortunately waves Twunt will make every situation he is involved in about him. Once this child is here he will also make it all about him. His child, his rights etc. When as you know its the child who has the right to the relationships if it is in their best interests, not the parents right to have a relationship with the child at all costs and on their terms only.

Do whatever you feel most comfortable doing with regards the birth as no matter which route you pick will be wrong in his eyes. He will be the wounded party for being left out, or he'll try to demand things go his way with his child in the delivery room.

He doesn't care about you or his child atm so its all fair game to use to gain superiority. He may come to bond with acrobat later, but that will always come second to his need to be the centre of his own universe.

Show acrobat a better way to be and let Twunts actions speak for themselves.

I have now read your posts after the one I quoted above and my blood is boiling for you.

Him saying you are attacking him is his oh shit she isn't rolling over like she is meant to so I have to try something else tack.

I very much doubt there is ever going to be anything coming from him via a text that you need to read so why not just delete everything he sends you without reading it if you can't block the fucking prick.

Bullies - which is what he is - pick on people because they are so pathetic they need to make someone else feel even worse than they do.
Just remember he is worse than anything you would ever find in a rubbish tip and just stop stop stop thinking about him and giving him anymore head space.

He is nothing. He is worth nothing. He brings nothing to your life. He really is the worst person I have come across in a long time (and I know some terrible people.)

Maybe it would help if you tried to stop expecting him to care, ask how you/acrobat are, or just even be civil (or caring that he doesn't)?
He's not going to change so figuring out how to stop his words and actions hurting you is the only thing to do.
But I realise how bloody easy it is to suggest this and how bloody hard it would be to do it!

I agree with MissStrawberry delete every text that he sends you unread from now untill after acrobat arrives. You have your Doula to contact him when little one is on his way so do not enter into any form of conversation with this waste of space at the moment. Look after yourself and your dc as thats what matters at the moment.

The MN mantra of "ignore ignore and then ignore some more" will help you to find some calm and peace in these last few days waves. You and your baby have been through so much, and you both need to build your reserves for the birth.

The blowing hot and cold that your Ex is doing, is to keep you vulnerable and dancing to his tune, so first he sends lovely presents and you hope he cares; then he sends evil hurtful texts blaming you for his inadequacies. Of course now it all hurts so much more, because you had believed he cared. He will repeat this cycle while you are responding.

Try to rest, listen to lovely music, push him to the back of your mind. Your children sound wonderful, wrap yourself up in their love.

Hope your DD is feeling better soon, take care.

He's a complete and utter wanker from wankeville. Disengage from him again. He can only hurt you if you care. Learning not to rise to his tantrums is another life skill for you to master on your journey.

Music, warm bath & calm for you is needed. Not mr allaboutme.

I've just read this and all your other posts. You sound so lovely and so loving and he sounds like a selfish arsehead.

Wanting to be the bigger person, wanting to have your son's dad there at the birth for your son's sake - they are laudable and very understandable feelings.

I'm glad for you that you have a good doula and a good family support worker because I think however much you may also hope that the birth will turn your ex back the way he was, as you have often put it, it won't. What you and your son and your other children need and deserve is "calm mum, calm birth, calm baby".

And if you let him in again, he'll fuck with your head again and none of you deserve that.

Please don't invite him there for the birth. He should not be near you when you are in that most vulnerable of places. Your baby should be born into a happy, loving and relaxed environment if possible. You and your doula have worked hard to ensure that is what will happen. Why ruin it by having that wanker there?