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Original poster

Partner wants me to rehome pet...

183 replies

TataClaire · 11/07/2013 22:55

My OH of two years wants me to rehome my cat who I love very dearly and previously belonged to my late aunt. He is however the only thing we argue about.
I had the cat when he first met me though I wasn't sure I was going to get on with him (the cat) but really grew to love him by the time DP asked me to move in with him away from friends and family. He said the cat could come if he lived outside and could come into the lounge in the evenings for cuddles with me.
Anyway, I found this really difficult and so did the cat who obviously didnt understand why he couldnt come in the house.
Eventually I bent the rules and started letting him in more as I couldnt bear it.
I admit that he did claw the sofa and put pawprints on some paintwork and do general feline things.
DP was very angry but then kept yo-yo ing when he saw how upset I was about it from saying fine it can live in the house to I never want to see it again and Im going wring its neck myself - I'd like to think he's not serious.... so we've moved house and now the cat doesnt have a place to live outside and everytime he emerges from wherever he's hidden to sleep amongst the boxes DP makes noises at him so it frightens him and he rums back into the boxes. We'll be moving house again in a few months time and he has asked me to rehome him as we're relocating and he hates him and he wants our new life in our new place to be cat free as he despises them so much. That he hates him creeping about and not knowing where he is or being able to stop him climbing on stuff (which he barely does) like you can with a dog and says he won't having living in the house and I'm not happy about him living outside if it means he can't wander into the house for the odd snooze without facing the firing squad...I put my foot down and said I wasnt rehoming him and if he went I went.
I just don't know what to do. It is literally the only thing we argue about and its driving a wedge between us. Sad

OP posts:
NicholasTeakozy · 12/07/2013 23:30

Keep the cat. Ditch this idiot. He's moved you away from friends & family, your cat is the only thing you have that stops him from controlling you. To quote TBBT, "run far, run fast".

Jux · 12/07/2013 23:51

How old is the cat? Most cat homes find it very hard to rehome cats over about 2, so your beloved puss is likely to be put down.

Earthworms · 13/07/2013 11:54

It aint about that the cat, its about control, and slowly removing the things that make you happy.

^ this.

MrsWembley · 13/07/2013 20:22

Getting concerned that you haven't been back, OP!

Hope you're at your DM's.

gayman31 · 13/07/2013 21:00

If anyone told me to rehome a pet id tell them to get stuffed! I love animals and if anyone didn't then I couldn't have a relationship with them. Sounds to me that you are not suited and best get rid of this controlling man. Your better off with your cat and at least he likes you for you. Good luck :-)

gayman31 · 13/07/2013 21:02

Run far away, This relationship sounds toxic.

SlimePrincess · 13/07/2013 21:15

What a horrible "man".

ratbagcatbag · 13/07/2013 21:24

How awful. :(

When I left home my daft dog for a variety of reasons stayed at my mums,he's been there ever since, I've now got a 17week old dd and on mat leave with reduced pay, last week my dog needed a massive operation, my mum can't afford the bills, so we loaded £1300 on credit card, DH was worried about finances but just said, oh well, well pay it back. That's what you do when you love someone.

SonOfAradia · 13/07/2013 21:36

This man is a fucking controlling arse. Trust me.

He separated you from family and friends from the start and growls at your beloved moggy and makes him run away and hide? This is by no means the behaviour of someone who loves you and who takes on board all you are and all the things that are important to you, like any proper lover should.

Dump the bugger, run away like the wind and take your lovely furry boy with you.

You'll be very glad you did.

BombJack · 13/07/2013 22:36

Just adding my vote to get rid of the heartless Thundercunt, and keep the moggie.

Red flags abound there I'm afraid. Never trust anyone who is not kind to animals (they don't have to like them, but actively doing the cat harm is a no-no).

Save yourself years of heartache, and get rid now.

QueenQueenie · 13/07/2013 22:44

You need to listen to your instincts about this op.
When I used to work in child protection there was a horrible overlap of those adults abusing their pet animals and their children.
He sounds really quite frightening and extremely unpleasant.
I think you really should take up your mum's offer and get some space fr yourself to think about this. I think and hope you'll look back and thank your lucky stars he didn't want to get married (except on his terms of course...).
Good luck op.

JumpingJackSprat · 13/07/2013 22:46

I hope youre ok op. my cat can sense evil... she went for my ex and when i finally dumped the abusive fuckwit he said "its obvious you love that bloody cat more than me". If there was any suspicion that he had abused her id have gone for him then dumped him withno hesitation. his behaviour will get worse and your poor terrified little cat is a red herring.

Wigglywoo1 · 14/07/2013 15:59

a lot of ignorance here. i think, if you love Dh, rehome the cat. does the cat love you? does it do things for you? no. take the cat and leave, you'll be taking your first steps to becoming a cat lady. all the people saying he has the potential to be a serial killers are stuck in terrible relationships, and have no real grip on life.

Empress77 · 14/07/2013 16:17

Wigglywoo the cat clearly does love OP as he has stayed with her despite such cruelty. And please do not try to argue that cruelty to animals does not go hand in hand with cruelty to children and domestic abuse because it does. Its a clearly proven fact. Im not saying hes a serial killer, but he is clearly not a nice bloke. Its better to be a cat lady than in a relationship where something you love is so cruelly disregarded. OP deserves better.

QuietTiger · 14/07/2013 16:52

Wigglywoo1 - what the majority of the posters here are saying is that if the OP's partner cared for her, he would tolerate her cat and treat it with respect because that is what kind, considerate people do - even if they "hate" the animal in question. He would recognise the importance of the cat to the OP and treat it accordingly.

It's not about "the cat" vs "the OP's OH". This is about the fact her OH takes delight in scaring the cat, is completely intolerant towards it, and generally being a complete twat.

And FYI, Wiggy, I have a fantastic relationship with my DH, plenty of grip on real life, and 9 cats, who my DH would prefer not to have, because 9 is "too many". However, that doesn't stop him treating them with respect, looking after them and generally being kind towards them. But then, my DH isn't an abusive twat.

TotallyBursar · 14/07/2013 16:55

Wigglywoo- so the complete social isolation and telling Tata they will never get married and not being able to say he loves her in front of anyone Hmm is what? The sign of a thoroughly nice bloke?
I'm in a great relationship which is why I can say that the whole situation is shit and the cat is just a small part of it.

changeforthebetter · 14/07/2013 17:01

Seriously? Shock

You've moved away from family and friends and now he wants you to get rid of the cat too?

Look, there's nothing wrong with not liking cats per se but if you hook up with someone who has a cat then they have a cat. Full stop.

It's beggar all to do with the hapless moggy though. He sounds like a controlling and nasty bastard. Huge red flags waving here. Get yourself and the cat away, quickly please.

Hissy · 14/07/2013 17:06

Much ignorance indeed Wigglywoo...

Mostly from YOU!

The way partners/boyfriends treat other people and pets is highly indicative of their personality.

It's usually not until you look back that you see the boringly similar red flags of rudeness to waiting staff/attendants/assistants, and attitude towards 'dumb' animals, that you realise the significance.

From the sounds of it your relative life experience is in direct opposition to your emotional intelligence, so when you know more, by all means pile on in, but in this particular subject, it appears that you are totally out of your depth.

Anyone who advises that this is not significant, that a cat should go (and probably die as a result) needs to think long and hard about what kind of behaviour they'd be prepared to overlook for thé sake of having a male of the species in their life.

Not having a pop, but please think before you contradict a whole thread of responses? The clues are there.

DollyWhite · 14/07/2013 17:12

I thought you were going to say he was allergic and suffering badly.

Your poor cat shouldn't have had to live outside. What an unpleasant man.

DollyWhite · 14/07/2013 17:12

Yes. Big red flags all round. I'd be rethinking my relationship with him.

PeanutPatty · 14/07/2013 17:50

So many issues and flags waving in the breeze here.

Walk away now, whilst you can.

defineme · 14/07/2013 17:59

My dh isn't keen on cats, but he remembers to feed them, picks up the birds they bring in that I can't, strokes them when they come looking-even though one still bites him.

sarahtigh · 14/07/2013 19:16

the cat wins and I do not like cats myself

we have no pets i could go for a dog but not a cat DH knows I do not like cats I would be very annoyed if he turned up with one without consulting in that case i think asking for rehoming is reasonable; my MIL has a cat when she was in hospital i went to her flat every day to feed it etc

the only case I can think of when rehoming should be OK is if you moved in together and then it turned out that the OP was allergic to cats then I would think it was mean to expect them to put up with the allergy symptoms/side-effects rather than removing the source

you had the cat before relationship started, it was not like you went out and got a cat expecting him to like it

BatwingsAndButterflies · 14/07/2013 20:32

Cat stays, no contest.

SelectAUserName · 14/07/2013 20:59

Ditto, ditto, ditto what everyone else says about this controlling man. Pick up the cat, run and don't look back.

My DH disliked cats, so much as he ever thought about them, before he met me. They were nuisances who messed up gardens. I had two cats when he moved in with me. Within a few weeks they had him wrapped round their little paws. We've never been without a cat since and he would kill with his bare hands anyone who hurt one of our animals. We only have our current cat because when we went to look at a litter of kittens, she fell asleep in his arms so he refused to leave without her.

You can tell A LOT about a man by the way he treats the things you care about, sentient or not.