Partner wants me to rehome pet...

[TataClaire]

My OH of two years wants me to rehome my cat who I love very dearly and previously belonged to my late aunt. He is however the only thing we argue about.
I had the cat when he first met me though I wasn't sure I was going to get on with him (the cat) but really grew to love him by the time DP asked me to move in with him away from friends and family. He said the cat could come if he lived outside and could come into the lounge in the evenings for cuddles with me.
Anyway, I found this really difficult and so did the cat who obviously didnt understand why he couldnt come in the house.
Eventually I bent the rules and started letting him in more as I couldnt bear it.
I admit that he did claw the sofa and put pawprints on some paintwork and do general feline things.
DP was very angry but then kept yo-yo ing when he saw how upset I was about it from saying fine it can live in the house to I never want to see it again and Im going wring its neck myself - I'd like to think he's not serious.... so we've moved house and now the cat doesnt have a place to live outside and everytime he emerges from wherever he's hidden to sleep amongst the boxes DP makes noises at him so it frightens him and he rums back into the boxes. We'll be moving house again in a few months time and he has asked me to rehome him as we're relocating and he hates him and he wants our new life in our new place to be cat free as he despises them so much. That he hates him creeping about and not knowing where he is or being able to stop him climbing on stuff (which he barely does) like you can with a dog and says he won't having living in the house and I'm not happy about him living outside if it means he can't wander into the house for the odd snooze without facing the firing squad...I put my foot down and said I wasnt rehoming him and if he went I went.
I just don't know what to do. It is literally the only thing we argue about and its driving a wedge between us.

DH hates cats, he always said that he would never have a cat in the house. We now have 4...
He begrudgingly accepted the one neutered male that I begged for, and when "he" popped out a few kittens... We'll suffice it to say he didn't have the heart to make me rehome them

So yeah, point being that he hates cats with a passion, but he loves our pets despite their species. Because I love them, and lets face it how could any man resist a full on feline affection bombardment? He would never ever be cruel to them or make them stay outside. FFS even when he has put them out for weeing where they shouldn't he gives in within 10 minutes of big hard done by eyes staring through the window!

I appreciate him so much when I read of men like this
Your problem is not the cat.

Forcing me to give up my pets was the first thing my exp did, on his way to being a complete control freak and a tyrant in my life.

I will never forgive myself for allowing that. Ok they went back to my ExH, but I should have stood up for myself, and my lovely cats.

If I were in your situation, turning back my clock, I would absolutely rehome my 'DP'

That man devastated my life. OK so with all the work i've done to fix it, i'm stronger and better than I was, but my god, what price.

If your instincts say choose Cat, then please choose cat.

If you rehome it, I feel sure you'll hate yourself for having done it.

Get rid of the cat. He will find another stick to beat you with.

Or leave and take the cat.

Have re-read your post.

Run like the wind!

2 years? That's where it generally starts.

Moving you away? Ping!

Cruelty, hissing, hatred for a member of your family, albeit a furry one? - bingo!

Red flags love.

Sorry.

This man will start on you next. This is HOW it starts.

Cruelty to animals is a surefire indicator of an abusive personality.

Get rid of this man. Quickly and safely.

My mother always joked that a man who didn't want pets was tolerable. Just. But a man who hates otherwise docile pets is not to be trusted.

She was proved right.

The control freak even asked her to lock her cats up when he visited her to 'put his side of the story' and assure her that I was priority and we would sort it out during the messy split part.

She is furious with herself that she moved the cats as per his request and listened to his bull. But she got a very good insight as to why I left him...

Take tabby and run

Yes, the next move you and your cat should make will hopefully be away from him. And, no, it won't be about the cat. The cat simply, well, tricked him into showing his true colors sooner rather than later. A very fine cat, indeed...extra Tender Vittles tonight!

Keep the kitty, the loser has got to go

My DH was allergic to cats - he bought me a kitten as a wedding present. Admittedly, he hates my wee dog, but would never be cruel to him & looks after him if I go away for a weekend. He ended up lumbered with rabbit care when we had that, because he couldn't stand to see her in a dirty hutch (I am a minger).

What I am saying is - kindness is important and your partner is not a kind man. To be cruel to the voiceless and defenseless is bullying behaviour. Kick the nasty man into touch before you have children and he starts on them.

What a horrible man. Poor cat.

How on earth can you justify his behaviour. Don't have children with him.

I can't believe he even asked you to lock out/get rid of the cat at all tbh. All normal men I know realise that if you go out with someone with a pet, the pet was there first and you just have to suck it up. My boyfriend isn't a massive fan of cats, but he made an effort with mine and I think they quite like each other now. Bf would have known full well that if he had said 'Right, you need to get rid of that cat you've had for seven years because I don't like it' my response would have been 'Well... bye then. Door's over there.'

The fact your partner even thought that you might react with anything other than anger baffles me. He obviously thinks he can get you to do whatever he wants. Great...

I am not a cat lover. However, you really need to get rid of the man and keep your cat.

Honestly, you need to re-read your post. He sounds a horrible man.

Thanks for all the comments - when I say outside he does have a shed with a big duvet in - I couldnt have let him do that.
He is an older guy and self employed all his life and Im the first person he lived with and I admit is pretty tricky to live with. We go through such great patches but when the cat issue comes up its like world war three breaks loose. He told me I was only resisting because I was stubborn and trying to point score and that when we've got dogs and kids I'll be too busy to care about the cat

Do NOT have kids with this man.

He's older and always been on his own for a REASON!

You are not resisting, or being stubborn, or point scoring.

A cat is a responsibility, and has been in your life longer than him.

He's trying to get you to 'prove' your commitment to him by obeying him.

Is the cat the only thing you argue about because you have acquiesced to everything else?

Another one here saying dump the man. Or rehome the cat, because no domestic cat deserves to live outside in a shed.

'when we've got dogs and kids I'll be too busy to care about the cat'

Umm....so who's decided about these dogs and kids? Do you even want dogs? It sounds like you've both discussed plans for the future. Can I ask what form these plans take? Does he just assume you'll fall into line with what he wants (which is what it sounds like tbh)?

How do you feel about the prospect of living your entire life with someone who creates 'world war 3' because you won't do what they want?

If this man cant cope with living with a cat, hell never cope with living with dogs and children? Id say that even if he were to apologise and say the cat can live inside if it matters so much to you, you should think seriously that you are not meant to be together - the love of this cat is an integral part of you that he cant accept - and you are kind and he is not. You can do far better, and that cat is a Godsend for showing you this.

“Compassion for animals is intimately associated with goodness of character, and it may be confidently asserted that he who is cruel to animals cannot be a good man.”
? Arthur Schopenhauer, The Basis of Morality

He is not a good man - get rid

Seriously, if he finds a cat hard he won't handle the mess kids cause. Toys everywhere, kids tv and remote control compromise...

I can save you a lot of hassle and heartbreak. This isn't gonna work out well: walk away. I'm kinda sceptical about everything else being great - he doesn't sound very nice, not that he doesn't like cats - but the way he behaves about it.

Fwiw I'm so allergic to cats that I look like I've been punched if I go too close to kiss them. I take anti histamine a few times a week and give em a kiss. My dp loves em...

Is he so lacking in empathy that he thinks you not wanting to lock a cat outside is down to stubborness and point scoring rather than not wanting to lock the cat outside. Is he insane, or merely cruel?

I don't particularly like cats, but I can tell if a man is a tosser or not.

Get rid of the man.

If he is 'older' and you are his first live in gf, then there must be a reason...you do not need to know specifically what it is (however you have a pretty good idea now).
A common tactic-changing the subject...off of the cat and on to blaming you for point scoring.

That he is thinking about point scoring: run.
Informing you of what you are thinking: run.
You will be too busy to worry about the cat...setting the agenda for your attention? Run.
Do you want dogs, or was that a presumption on his part (convenient isnt it? ...that the dogs will chase the cat that he doesn't like).

Perhaps you do want to have children, but hopefully not with him!　It may be that he is jealous of the love and attention you give your cat. What is going to happen when you give love and attention to a child? One may think, well, that is different. But no, it is not at all different. Run.