Going to be a Grandma, don't know whether to weep for joy or regret

[GrandmaWeLoveYou]

Have NC for this.
It's a bolt from the blue.

DS (23) announced yesterday to his Father that his Girlfriend (of 3 years) is pregnant.
DH gave me this news this morning at breakfast.

Both of them are at Uni therefore not financially independant and DH has decided that we will fund them both for next 2 years until DS has qualified.

They've got it all sorted.

It's like history repeating itself only we were financially stable when our happy accident (DS) happened.

I've spoken to DS who said it was an accident. In this day and age accidents don't happen do they?

I don't know whether to jump for joy or cry my eyes out.
They had all the time in the world to have kids.
This is life changing stuff.

Can't help but think they've left it this long (3 months) to tell us because over here that's the cut off for abortion.

My beautiful boy is going to be a father before he's had time to really enjoy life and girlfriend will be a mother at 23 (i find 23 year olds in general lacking the maturity my generation had)

I sound like an awful person i know. I'm sure once the baby's here i'll be overjoyed, but for the moment feel raw and sad.

Please give me reassurance.

A church wedding would appear to be a no go, there're strict rules over here (apparantly) and DS would need to be baptised at least.

If they are catholic, your DS and DIL can push for an inter-faith wedding, regardless of what the local clergy wants.
Shop around.

Only they have to promise to raise their children in the catholic faith.

Lweji that isn't true anymore - the Catholic member of the couple has to promise to do his best to raise the children in the Catholic faith, but it isn't an absolute requirement.

Do they actually want to get married? I can't help thinking "whoa horsey!" As for baby names - op those will be chosen by the child's parents.

These are adults you are talking about, I find the level of direction and involvement of both sets of parents a bit mystifying.

Also
However, no priest will marry a couple when a baby is due

They do that all the time.

Where abouts are you?

They may be stricter in some countries, but the Pope rules, and it rules that inter-faith marriages are possible, yes.

Sky is probably right, so even easier.

But, yes. Any marriage is for the new parents to decide on. There should be no pressure.

AdoraBell For DIL to convert it would take (in our branch) around 1 year. (my uncle's wife did this)

For DS to convert i don't know, just that he should be baptised.

This has gone beyond a religious issue for us.
(Don't get me wrong, you've not lived till you've been party to a Jewish wedding! We know how to party!)

I just want the 3 of them to be happy and hang the religious aspect.
We all believe in the same God, don't we? (for those who believe)

They may marry, thay may not.
It's not so uncommon to have a child "out of wedlock" nowadays anyway.

It's their choice as far as we're concerned.

As for the poster who said the parents should choose baby names.....i agree wholeheartedly (so long as my Mother's name is there somewhere )

Obviously I don't know about practicas in your country, but my OH was previously married to a Catholic and even though he was in the process of converting he never actually did. They had a Cathoilc wedding but with a C of E vicar in attendance because of Britain being C of E. He was already christened in the C of E though, don't know if that made any difference.

I'm sure it is difficult to watch DIL being treated so badly, without making this about me - I can hardly bear to speak to my PILs because of they way the have treated OH. Does DS stand up to her father?

For DS to convert i don't know, just that he should be baptised.

To be baptised, normally, he should go through some form of Catholic religion education. It might not be a full year.

But he does not need to convert, if they ever want to have a religious wedding.

PS - but you are totally right about the same god. :)

Chubfuddler The involvement has been sought by our children.

We don't live in some surburbia of some UK city.

We all live in rural communities and mix within our own religious and proximate communities.

I lost my own Mother at the age of 7 and there have been many times in my life that i would have turned to her first. (eg when found myself pregnant at 23 with DS 1)

We are honoured that our Ds and his GF have turned to us at this difficult moment.

I'd like to think that we've been a comfort and have provided the reassurance they need.

I shall repeat...we're not pushy parents at all.

We are doing our best and desparately want to protect our DIL.
DS seems to be doing OK.

This is the biggest thing we've had to deal with in our married life.
(maybe an exageration , but it's up there with the biggies)

AdoraBell DS is very sarcastic/ironic usually (pure DH!)

In the past i've seen him stand up to FIL in a jovial manner......now's not the time.

He's showing enormous self restraint at the moment.

Yesterday he vented alot about FIL, he adores his GF and future baby.
DIL is so terribly upset about her parent's reaction that he just can't rock the boat.

It's so stupid, what's done is done.
Let's all look on the bright side and get on with things.

I think DS's FIL will always be a problem.
They could be married 10 years with 3 DCs, DS qualified DIL too, and there would still be a problem.

He's deflowered their daughter ( i had sex with DH at 18, i want to tell him this)

This thread is enough to put me off religion for life.

Vivacia Are you at all religious?
If so trust in your faith.
If not, what's changed?

Have a special MN medal from me

Thank you for the biscuit.

I feel so sorry for the parents-to-be tying themselves in knots over what god wants them to do in terms of sex, picking and choosing which aspects they follow. And that's before you even get to all of this about weddings.

To those who have PM-ed me about this thread, thank you. I appreciate it. I haven't replied to you individually because I like to have discussions out in the open (unless it's over something confidential). Come and join in, out in the open!

Vivacia, live and let live. Have one from me [biscuit ]

I don't care two shiny sh§ts if they marry or not!

DIL's parents really have no choice in the matter and will just have to deal with whatever happens.

As for the parents to be, they're getting all the support necessary from DH and me.

Enjoy the biscuit (it's a Garibaldi!)

Fuck.

You don't care if they marry, but you apologise for wanting them to have a Jewish wedding.

In my dreams all my DS's have traditional Jewish weddings with the pomp and ceremony and wild celebration that go with it.
All of the above is in my dreams (am i allowed to dream?)

(and as you stated, i apologised !!)

Why not read the whole thread?

Of course you're allowed to dream (you gotta have a dream...) and I'm allowed to read in disbelief.

How did you do that squiggle instead of the i????

I have read the whole thread, as I have already explained. I think it's great that you've read people's responses and had a re-think. I think that it's great you're being supportive. But I think you keep saying unhelpful things until somebody gently points out that there's a more helpful attitude to have (such as the comment about choosing the names).

MissStrawberry I'm very clever!